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  #841  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Oh how sweet! A soft guy.
What good is a soft guy??? Get it? .....a "soft" guy
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  #842  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:41 AM
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Oh I get it. But I can't show you what all can be done with a soft guy-cause YOU ARE MONO.

Hehe, get it? Mono. Hehehehehehhe!
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  #843  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
what all can be done with a soft guy
I like the helicopter....don't ask
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  #844  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:47 AM
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hehehehehe.
No questions coming from this court!
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  #845  
Old 03-10-2011, 07:17 AM
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There has been a lot going on here lately. Not so much poly related but poly related in that it affects our whole family. We are all so close and pull together to look after one another.

PN had his birthday this past weekend... a really fun low key potluck party with his friends. Some old that we haven't seen for a while and some new. His friend from his childhood came and really got on well with Mono after seemingly realizing he is here to stay and might as well accept that PN is more than happy with that.

PN's friend lost his dad last fall and PN was glad to see him as he found out that his dad was ill the day of his party... his step mum took his dad to the emerge on the island they live on and on Sunday (the days are blurred... bear with me...) or Monday he was flown by helicopter to our island where their is a bigger hospital. He was sent into the intensive care unit and treated for pneumonia. When he didn't get better still they tried to put a tube down his throat as he hadn't eaten in a week and found they couldn't get it down. He eventually ate, but his breathing got worse... the oxygen is at the max they can give now and it looks like he will be gone soon... short of breath and ready to go...

PN has been dealing with his distraught mother in law in the hospital every afternoon at the busiest time of the year for his job. He works for the provincial government and it's the fiscal year end right now... he's exhausted... went to bed at 8 tonight.

On his actual birthday his mum hosted a party for him and the family. We didn't know if he could make it, but he was able to... his mum invited the step mum whom has never talked to her and has been venomously cruel to her and judgmental about her leaving his father... she is not the same culture as us and has very strong Catholic beliefs in divorce. She has strong beliefs about how a first born son should act too, but that is another story. It seems she is always disappointed in PN and his mothers side of the family.

Anyway, she decided to put her hatred behind her and came to the party. What a moment in history as the two women talked about their lives with PN's dad and what they had been through and where they were coming from now. PN's mum has always thought poly is a really good idea and would of been with his dad if it had been an option back then. She didn't say that to the step mum though! She did say how much she loved and admired him, she just needed more than he could give. It was good to hear her finally get that out. It was good to here the step mum finally admit she had wasted a lot of time hating too.

Now it is Wednesday... PN's dad will die soon it looks like and I am suppose to go on a retreat with the women from the women's group I facilitate. My friend and I have been planning for months. I can no longer go I think at this point. It was also to be my first weekend away with Derby sad, very sad... everything is sad. This weekend was to be a really nice holiday. All my co-workers are going to Thailand, Cuba, Hawaii and Corfu and I was going up island to parksville. It was all I had of a winter holiday..... booo hoooo hoooo......

okay, had to get that out. I am sad, but there are far bigger things to deal with and there will be other holidays.

I had a much needed night with Mono last night. I haven't been able to spend much quality time with him of late due to busy days with PN's life. He has also been working over time at the school on the base. He has been doing night study duty; extra time for them to come in and study classified materials that can't be taken out of the building.

Last week he worked form 7am-6pm everyday and then on Sunday afternoon... the week before that he also worked over the weekend.. I am not used to not seeing him so little. Now I am alone more as he left for Halifax this morning to visit his parents. I miss him terribly. He left me a note for everyday he is away. I opened the first tonight and instantly felt close to him again and loved. It was cold in his apartment and dark... Geogia the cat is crying down there and came up to find him... she is missing him too.

I am being a rock for PN and need a rock for myself... Derby is away too at a conference all week. No rocks for me right now. no worries. I am feeling really good about doing all I can... LB and I are team "look after stuff for daddy." He is doing what he needs to do without being asked over and over again.. he is emotional too and whiny though. I have to remind him that we are "team daddy" when it gets too much.

I have been doing all the food, organizing LB's up coming March break for two weeks, have been cleaning, directing PN to take care of himself... he has done some stuff, more than anything I have been an emotional pillar for him. His relationship with his dad has been silently strained since his mum left them. There have been 20 years of lack of connection at a time when PN really needed to feel loved and emotional about the break up of his family... Anger, frustration and love have all been emotions I have witness where his dad is concerned. Now is no different... "he could of gone to the hospital earlier!" "Could of got his will sorted before this!" "Could of, could of..." they are very different people, yet very much the same. Each drives PN crazy, yet he loves him deeply.

Sorry about the long up date. I needed to get this all out. Thanks for reading
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  #846  
Old 03-10-2011, 07:28 AM
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Sorry it's been a rough week for you.
It's good that PN has you for a rock...but don't be afraid to let others know if you need shoring up on the other side.
Hugz
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  #847  
Old 03-10-2011, 07:30 AM
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I've been there with all of this, RP, with my ex-husband's parents' deaths (both in the time we were together and while our kids were still young) and I wish you energy and strength in the weeks ahead. The death of a spouse's parent is hard on everyone, but especially the person who takes on the role of "the rock". Your friends will be sure to remind you in the weeks to come to make time for that missed and much-needed holiday!

*hugs*
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  #848  
Old 03-10-2011, 07:39 AM
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Thanks both of you... *hugs* back
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  #849  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:04 AM
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Oh, so sorry to hear about all this sad stuff. It's good to have family and friends around to be supportive. Very soothing, I am sure, that you have your son to cuddle with and team up with to be there for PN. And Mono's notes are surely a comfort for you, too.

My father-in-law passed away a few weeks after my husband and I split up. I tried to be as supportive as possible, but my ex was so angry at me that he didn't want me travel to be with them (in another state), and didn't even let me go to the funeral after my FIL died. It hurt so much not not be able to say my goodbyes and express my condolences to the family, in addition to see my marriage ending.

My MIL is dying now, and it's only a matter of months before she passes away. My ex is not as angry at me anymore, but I wonder what will happen and what I can do when she goes. I was just thinking about this today, as a matter of fact. Now that we're separated, all I can do is ask how she is. He and his family are not a part of my life anymore, which feels so weird! You are blessed to have so many loving people around you.

Aww. May you find your strength and carry on.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-10-2011 at 08:10 AM.
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  #850  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:08 AM
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Long distance hugs from Karma and I to the whole family. Even the strong pillar needs somewhere to break, you know how to reach us if you need to talk. I'm sorry this week has brought what it has. Let LB know that those strangers his mom talks to online are "proud of you for helping take of daddy. Doing what you are told without a hassle makes things a lot easier on mom and dad and I am sure they appreciate it."

Thinking of you all
Mo and Karma
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