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  #21  
Old 03-07-2011, 04:09 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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hugs dh... really feel for all of you

i'd probably hold off on the photo sharing etc. at least with the whole family anyway... maybe just whoever is really supportive to your daughter... so they have a clear understanding.

just my two cents.

hope everything goes ok for your daughter... wish there was something i could do to help. good luck, best wishes... let us know how you are doing when you can.
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  #22  
Old 03-07-2011, 05:38 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Thanks FlameKat

Why should I hold off on anything ....except for the sleep deprivation. Those two fucking idiots are going to pay and I'm not just talking about money....they get off on pain and humiliation wait til they see what I can dream up. If I was them I'd move far far away.... somewhere beyond my reach.
  #23  
Old 03-07-2011, 06:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Wait. What? Your daughter was snooping around her mother's computer and found hundreds emails between your wife and her lover? As well as hundreds of naked/bdsm/sexual pix of your wife and her lover? Or just porn off the net?

You want to send these pix to your daughter's GRANDMOTHER??

This is very unclear.

BTW, BDSM is practiced between consenting adults as part of fun sexual play. It's not a sickness, in fact it's quite common. Now, one's teenager finding sexual pictures of any kind of her parent is very unfortunate. But I don't think you should be out for revenge... your daughter should have respected her mother's privacy.
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Last edited by Magdlyn; 03-07-2011 at 06:55 PM.
  #24  
Old 03-07-2011, 07:34 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Hugs DH

I get where this would be incredibly traumatic for your daughter, but I don't see how sharing these photos with the world is helpful. It could even cause more embarasement for your daughter. I applaude you for being able to step up and get her help immediately. Hopefully her therapist has some ideas of what you can do to help her further.

Like Magdlyn said, there is nothing wrong with BDSM between consenting adults. If what happened broke boundries your wife and you had agreeded upon, then those issues should be addressed.
  #25  
Old 03-07-2011, 09:47 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Magdlyn Its possible that she was in moms computer however she said my wife was on our home computer and was on my daughters screen to retrieve some email...and left it open. And she did show me that when we eventual got home.

Yes the photos where of her mother.... my particular favorite is the one with some metal hook inserted and tied off with her hair .... Christmas Card stuff Or maybe a poster.

I want to send that picture to my mother in law as to explain the situation....she can see just 1 of a series photo's....I'm glad to share the whole file with her.

My daughter is 12 she will be 13 in a few months.. I rounded up for convenience.

I think if anyone wants to participate in such activities and maybe embarrassed if such things where uncovered then you better damn well be a fuck of lot more careful..... THIS IS COMPLETELY RECKLESS AND STUPID.

According to the trauma therapist this is not as uncommon as you might think. They told of college kids coming home unannounced to find a party in which his family home was converted into some sort of bdsm play pen. Other example of kids finding video's and duffel bag full of tools or toys.

Do you have kids.... would you want them to see you in the position I described... would you want to imagine your mother in such a situation and some strange man beating her or worse, when you were 12?

Lets not forget the emails the verbal assault is just as bad if not worse because they mention places an activities in which me and the family where at. example.... hi I'm at the water park and blah blah I'm so bored ... " I want you to slide your hand down and start playing with yourself .....blah blah .....My daughter was there she remembers that day she had a friend with us and NOW SHE KNOWS HER MOTHER WAS PLAYING WITH HERSELF with all this going on.

Right this second I see nothing about this that's spiritually enlightening... Dungeon, Darkness, Pain, Humiliation, whipping, bondage, Gags, Hooks inserted in you like so much meat, butt plugs... whats enlightening about this.



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Not the world ....Strategic few.... I don't care as long as it doesn't hurt my kids or his kids. I as shocked as she was ....no boundary violation.
  #26  
Old 03-07-2011, 10:00 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I want to send that picture to my mother in law as to explain the situation....she can see just 1 of a series photo's....I'm glad to share the whole file with her.

this.



.
I can only imagine the damage done to your daughter with this...and to you. BUT, River had some great advice; stay calm my friend. You want to hurt your wife and her boyfriend..I get that, but if you must do it, at least do it legally. Your daughter is going to need you in control and composed as a parent. It is likely you will be her only parent for quite a while as your daughter takes time to heal from this new reality.

Stay in control, don't do anything that will take you out of your daughter's life and try to show at least some compasion for your wife. She's probably about to get crucified by friends, family and her own daughter.

Be careful with your anger. You are in control here as much as some people might not like hearing that. You are holding the cards...try to play them with some compassion and the idea that your wife is still the mother of your child.

Be smart.
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  #27  
Old 03-07-2011, 10:56 PM
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Oh DH, that is absolutely aweful. I feel for you so much... and your daughter!!! Just terrible. I can't imagine what that would be like for her....

the others are right, take a breath, try and sleep... lack of sleep is not helping I'm sure. Take your time... breath and make a plan...

This wife of yours has a hell of a road, be sure that what you do now doesn't traumatize your daughter more... just don't say a thing if you find yourself about to blow up about your opinion on her actions... your daughter will take that on like a house on fire. The last thing she needs is to sever the tie with her mother entirely. That could very well be in your hands. She didn't mean for her daughter to see that. No mother would want that. It was an accident... put that into perspective. This is why your wife is a mess now. Not because she is a sub into what she is into.

Your daughter needs therapy and now... I'm glad you are on that! Very very important in my opinion.

Please, by all means, vent here as much as you like as far as I am concerned, but be sure to announce that you are and that you need to. It's good to get it out... just be careful where.

*hugs* (seems so small, but full of a lot of meaning).
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  #28  
Old 03-07-2011, 11:05 PM
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Regardless of what else happens and what she says at the moment, your daughter still loves her mother, and always will...

As her remaining parent that she can trust, you MUST not disturb that bond - as hard as it is, you must protect it - I'm not saying you must encourage or nurture it at the moment - but you MUST protect whatever is left... that is what you must do as her parent. However they repair their relationship in the future is up to them - but your daughter will never forgive you if you destroy whatever is left, by sharing out the pictures that SHE discovered - she will then be consumed by the guilt that whatever destroyed her mum was something that she found and shared with you... and she will likely hate you for it too.

(I have teens in a similar situation (physical abuse issues not photo's) and I am only just starting to step out of the murky waters with my eldest (16) and the middle (13))

This is a very difficult time for everyone. Give yourself some time to calm down, and only make decisions when you are feeling calm - and i mean calm - not cold and detached... but calm. Likely there will be a very very small number of people who will need the assistance of seeing a photo to assist them to understand what is going on... your verbal description to us has made things fairly crystal clear though... and for the reasons I stated above it is my opinion that sharing the photo's would be a very bad idea, and only cause more damage.
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  #29  
Old 03-07-2011, 11:25 PM
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I have to agree with everyone else here and ask you to hold off in showing these pictures to her mother. I think you have every right to explain to her mother what is going on and that your daughter is in counselling because of what she saw. If you can approach the topic calmly though. I'm glad that you're looking out for your daughter.
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  #30  
Old 03-08-2011, 01:08 AM
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Agree with above, this is not the time to try to polarize relationships in the family further. Your daughter should definitely go to counseling, and you should be prepared to contain damage of your daughter acting our in ways that could hurt her.
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