Stay and grow, or run for the hills????

[redpepper]

There have been many times on this forum that metamours have run in's with each other... it happens. There has been Mohegan/Cricket/Karma and Kat Tails/morningglory629; both blogs where on line fights have come up. The mods do their best to keep the conversation just that, conversation. This board is meant to give observations, advice, tell stories and support one another, not fight. It is suggested that fighting happen in real life, not on here, if you can help it. A thread that becomes a fight will be locked until further notice.

Whenever I write on here I try and remember there are always two sides to a story. We don't often hear both sides... when we don't and then suddenly do, I would hope that those involved take that into context and use what others say as a way to learn and see things from the others perspective... empathize and attempt to find a middle ground... negotiate boundaries with the information, not hate more and find more negativity. I realize that is a hard thing to do and don't have the expectation that it is always possible to be accomplished, but an attempt could be beneficial.

[Penny]

Originally Posted by redpepper

We don't often hear both sides... when we don't and then suddenly do, I would hope that those involved take that into context and use what others say as a way to learn and see things from the others perspective... empathize and attempt to find a middle ground... negotiate boundaries with the information, not hate more and find more negativity. I realize that is a hard thing to do and don't have the expectation that it is always possible to be accomplished, but an attempt could be beneficial.

My opinion remains unchanged. I've never been cheated on, so perhaps it would be different if I had actually had the experience myself.

I'd like to reiterate and clarify here:

1. I think Crunchy has been the brunt of all of the resentment, including that which should be directed at LoveisEvol. I believe that it will be difficult for Mahogany to work through the anger she has toward her husband if she is placing it all on Crunchy and not examining it for what it really is.

2. I stand by my statement that, were I Mahogany, I would not trust Crunchy. Trust on that order must be earned, and you guys are not starting out from a good place here. The situation is made worse by point #1.

3. I am not saying Crunchy is evil or bad, but what she and LoveisEvol did was. It was dishonorable and dishonest, and cannot be justified. Period. Mahogany has been deeply damaged by it, and she cannot be expected to just get over it.

Mahogany does not have to forgive Crunchy. If you guys are going to proceed as a polyamorous relationship, then she will need to do so. But expecting her to do so is expecting too much.

It is her decision. She has earned that right.

But I do think that forgiving her husband and hating Crunchymama is a form of avoiding dealing with the real problem as I think she needs to put the anger and blame where it belongs before she can deal with it properly.

I can empathize on many levels with Crunchy and LoveisEvol, they are human and made some really bad mistakes. But still, they need to own those mistakes.