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Old 03-06-2011, 06:53 PM
MintyGum MintyGum is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3
Question Unwaivering Feelings

Hi, I'm new to this board. I've been reading around for a while now trying to get a feel on others' thoughts about their polygamous relationships (the good, the bad, the struggling). And I've decided I don't want the stress, pressure, and trouble involved in trying to make a relationship like this work.

Common similarities between myself and previous posters that I would struggle with:
  • Petty jealousy directed towards the third. Whether it be from her physical appearance, personality, occupation, and/or simply the time she would be taking him away from me.
  • Giving them "alone time." I believe in a growing relationship and that involves personal time, but on the other hand I think that it should be all or none. To make it fair to myself and the extra. Otherwise it feels like cheating, whether I'm in the room or downstairs sitting on the couch listening.
  • Worrying that this new relationship would cause him to waiver. Especially since it would be an easily kept secret with himself because I'm away at work all day.
  • Getting HER pregnant. Everybody has different modes of contraception and how they take care of that routine, some stricter/smarter about it than others. I know I've faltered in the past (without the end result of course) and it scares me to imagine that scenario.
  • The basic feeling of it being morally wrong for our specific relationship (just residual feelings from growing up in a monogamous world; no judgment on others).
I've told him all of these things on more than one occasion and yet he still claims that this is something he's wanted to "try" for a long time and feels empty without it. He's patient and waiting for me to develop accepting feelings toward it on my own time, and at the same time it feels like he's rushing me.
We've tried implementing a third into our relationship before by going as far as having another girl sleep over. Disaster. And he's giving me new literature on the subject when he finds it to let me know that it's accepted in circles around the country.
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm waiting for him to "grow out of it." Does that even happen? Is this a phase that men can grow out of?

-Sad & Disillusioned
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marriage vs. polyamory, mono jealousy

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