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  #21  
Old 03-06-2011, 03:16 AM
Crunchymama Crunchymama is offline
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Blackunicorn, you are right. That is my idea of poly as well.

As for everyone thinking I'm some horrible villainous person, this couldn't be further from the truth. I have put up with quite a lot of emotional abuse from Mahogany and yet I still extend my hand in friendship because I truly care for her. The way I felt before meeting her should not be held against me since meeting her. I never once have asked him to leave her for me.

I have a severely restricted relationship with him now and I stay in hope that this can become a real poly relationship.

Reading this has deeply hurt me. :-( does anyone know of other poly forums that I could check out?
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  #22  
Old 03-06-2011, 03:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crunchymama View Post
As for everyone thinking I'm some horrible villainous person, this couldn't be further from the truth. I have put up with quite a lot of emotional abuse from Mahogany and yet I still extend my hand in friendship because I truly care for her. The way I felt before meeting her should not be held against me since meeting her. I never once have asked him to leave her for me.
Ah, Crunchymama, I just posted to your thread. I did not know it was Mahogany and you who are involved in this situation! I'm not sure there was ever any previous mention that it is Mahogany who is the wife of the man you're involved with. If everyone here knew who the players were and that you were both here, we could engage in more productive conversation with both of you. As it is now, you've both been offered responses as if they were separate situations, not knowing you were both in the same situation. Would probably be good to talk together in the same thread, perhaps not this one but in another.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-06-2011 at 03:48 AM.
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  #23  
Old 03-06-2011, 03:45 AM
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Mahogany Mahogany is offline
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Well...I am NOT a liar....that is one thing I am not....



I am confused as to what emotional abuse Crunchymama speaks of....I am not an abusive person....and I honestly don't know what she is referencing.....we have very limited contact/communication, but we all know it is hard to see things through others lenses.

Quote:
I never once have asked him to leave her for me.
Crunchymama - No, you did not ask him to leave me for you....BUT you did push him to tell with the hopes I would leave and then you TWO can move forward without me. You never pushed him to tell me with polyamory in mind...

As for your relationship with him regressing.....that was not my decision alone....I never forced him to do anything.....I will never cage a bird.....I told you that and him that????? He was a big part of that decision and change....I was giving a whole lot more....he saw my unhappiness and pushed for me to make more boundaries.....these weren't his idea boundaries (but he accepted them to help me heal).....(you already know all this ?????)

I have also said you are a caring, loving person.....and I did not make this thread into a bash Crunchymama thread.....this was solely about me and my mental/emotional journey.....

but I am not a liar.....that is one thing that I am not. Everything I said here is the TRUTH....

I also want to apologize to everyone who has posted and communicated with me, I am not going to turn this post into a debate match between Crunchymama and myself (that's what phones, emails, the weekends are for, etc).....that would be unfair to everyone because this forum should not be used for that.....

Last edited by Mahogany; 03-06-2011 at 04:42 AM.
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  #24  
Old 03-06-2011, 03:56 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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This whole thread hurts because it sounds so much like Cricket and I. I wanted so badly for things to work out. IT took me some time to get over the betrayal, but afterwards, I wanted all to be happpy. We have had about 2 months of peace in a year of drama and stress.

I will not claim to understand her, that is one thing I have never been able to do. She's lied, accused me of verbal attacks (and while yes I am guilty of a few, not everything I say is about her, contrary to what she believes), played games with my husbands heart and it has really all fallen apart.

For whatever reason he still loves her, but I as far as I am concerned she doesn't exist.

All that being said, I would like for you to have a better outcome than I did. But it depends on the three of you. Poly is all about honesty and balance. No one person can do all the work.

I think you all need to take some time to heal from all the pain caused, and at that point decide where things go. This is not going to be all happy and wonderful unless you are all on the same page.

I still believe in poly. I still believe it can be successful. Even after an affair. I think had honesty (both to ourselves and the others) and care been a little more important in our V, things would have been different. It's not the poly after an affair that was wrong, it's the people involved.

Only you know what you want/need, same for your husband and his oso. You all have to verbalize those needs in order for this to workout in anyway.

The best advice I have for all three of you is time, honesty, and healing.
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  #25  
Old 03-06-2011, 03:57 AM
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Mahogany,
It was just a surprise to realize who was who here. I think you are being quite magnanimous in attempting polyamory after experiencing such a betrayal. You don't have to accept his mistress into your life and marriage if that is not what you want or feel comfortable with. It's my opinion that your husband should try to refocus on his marriage and repair the damage he did before continuing any extramarital relationships.

BTW, I didn't suggest a debate with Crucnchymama, but quite often when two or several people are involved in a relationship and everyone posts here, a productive conversation comes out of it - if only because now everyone here knows who they're talking to!
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  #26  
Old 03-06-2011, 03:59 AM
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Mahogany Mahogany is offline
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Has for Nycindie's suggestion....it might be good to combine....this way we have mediators with experience and education.....

But I don't want this to be a place to argue....
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  #27  
Old 03-06-2011, 08:50 AM
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Mahogany Mahogany is offline
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Nycindie - I know yoi weren't suggesting a debate....I was directing that to LoveisEvol (my husband) and Crunchymama (our metamour).

Not that they would.....so maybe I shouldn't have stated that at all
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  #28  
Old 03-06-2011, 10:50 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Having mediators isn't a bad idea, but using written word to communicate can lead to a lot of problems. Tone of voice and influx are not there for context clues. Cricket and I have had several fights because of something I had written, that in no way had to do with her, but she took it that way. If you can all calmly express the things you may need help with, then go for it. One thing I do not suggest is using your husband as a go between.
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  #29  
Old 03-06-2011, 11:42 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Oh yeah, I don't know who I'm talking with and shit hits the fan!

That said, there is a world of hurt. This thread and everything both of you have posted is simply bleeding with it.

Crunchy, this is a forum where people have really raw histories of struggling to come to terms with polyamory. Everybody answers with their own point of view and life histories in mind. People who have been cheated on will add their own hurt to how they respond to a cheating situation. Emotional openness and personality is what I think is great about this forum.

Mahogany, throw out the words homewrecker and the other woman out of the window for now. Words create barriers between people as often as they do build bridges. When you call somebody something, that something is how you will eventually start to perceive them.

What both of you are feeling is PERFECTLY OKAY and JUSTIFIED. However, fighting, name-calling and she said-she said has the potential to only poison things further.
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  #30  
Old 03-06-2011, 07:51 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
Good point, I have felt this way at times....I ultimately love him with all my being ( I do know that to be truth). But wow, so true
Redpepper....
um, yeeeees? sorry, it just looks like you were going to say something here and it never happened... just checking in on that...
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