Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-21-2011, 02:45 AM
janeb1958's Avatar
janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44
Default It's all new to me!

I've been with a poly man for about 11 months. He's married (she & I are friends) & has several other lovers (don't like one of them but ok with the others). He calls me a life partner - I see him more than any, other than his wife. It's all new to me but do understand I can't expect him to fulfill 100% of my outside needs. He's the best thing that ever happened to me - but not fair of me to depend on him. SO -- now that I'm more comfortable with all this, I have been looking (using OK Cupid) & in real life for my "primary" -- well....I've been chatting with this guy that lives in a part of San Diego County where my love has been looking to purchase a home -- SO today, the 3 of us met for the first time!!! It seem to go well! This new guy doesn't seem to be jealous or have issues with my relationship with my love!! Time will tell & I will keep y'all informed! Just excited!!
__________________
New to this wonderful world of polyamory - I must be crazy - never happier!!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-21-2011, 06:43 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,161
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by janeb1958 View Post
I've been with a poly man for about 11 months. He's married (she & I are friends) & has several other lovers (don't like one of them but ok with the others). He calls me a life partner - I see him more than any, other than his wife. It's all new to me but do understand I can't expect him to fulfill 100% of my outside needs. He's the best thing that ever happened to me - but not fair of me to depend on him. SO -- now that I'm more comfortable with all this, I have been looking (using OK Cupid) & in real life for my "primary" -- well....I've been chatting with this guy that lives in a part of San Diego County where my love has been looking to purchase a home -- SO today, the 3 of us met for the first time!!! It seem to go well! This new guy doesn't seem to be jealous or have issues with my relationship with my love!! Time will tell & I will keep y'all informed! Just excited!!
Sounds great! So were the three of you comprised of the guy you've been chatting with, you, and your love of 11 months? Or was the third a mate of this new guy? I don't know why I got confused.

Glad it went well, and yes we will want all the juicy details!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-21-2011, 04:15 PM
janeb1958's Avatar
janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44
Default

I'm sorry -- I"m sure it's me -- when I get excited, I write confusingly!!!!
YES, the 3 were me, the new guy & my love of 11 months! The guys got along great!! I spoke with the new guy on the phone later -- he likes me!!!
__________________
New to this wonderful world of polyamory - I must be crazy - never happier!!!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-21-2011, 05:17 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,161
Default

Woo-Hoo! Sounds like fun times ahead!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-21-2011, 05:26 PM
janeb1958's Avatar
janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44
Default

One of his lovers hates me & I see the pain...I certainly don't want that on my side...I like the thought of -- why can't we just all get along!!! Thanks!
__________________
New to this wonderful world of polyamory - I must be crazy - never happier!!!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-21-2011, 05:33 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,868
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by janeb1958 View Post
One of his lovers hates me & I see the pain...I certainly don't want that on my side...I like the thought of -- why can't we just all get along!!! Thanks!
.. simple answer, because not everyone can. I never use the word hate, but there are lots of people I wouldn't put up with in my life... being a metamour can kind of get you stuck with people you wouldn't like.

Best of luck, hopefully the metamour can move from hating you to at least tolerating... I know that sounds bad, but "hate" is a very difficult thing to overcome and can seep into everyone else's mood.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-21-2011, 05:59 PM
janeb1958's Avatar
janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44
Default

thanks -- yes -- hate is a strong word & I don't understand it myself. We were suppose to talk, with mediation, and all she could do was yell...that was a few months ago -- but now they've started seeing each other again (they've known each other about 10 yrs). He wants us to try the mediation again...I recently lost my job so I've asked him to wait -- don't want her to try to kick me when I'm down!

But...I find it cool that the new guy & him get along! I'm taking that as a positive!
__________________
New to this wonderful world of polyamory - I must be crazy - never happier!!!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-03-2011, 01:31 PM
janeb1958's Avatar
janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44
Default

Well, that was short lived...never even had a chance to go out with the new guy -- he just faded away into the sunset, I guess. He called last Friday after a few "cool" days of not much contact. We talked but it was a little distant. But he said he'd call over the weekend. I guess he didn't specify WHICH weekend?!!!! LOL Well, Monday, I sent him an email asking for honesty - that all I could think from his silence was he's changed his mind on being interested in me or a relationship with me. But still asked him to be honest with me either way...still no word from him. Oh well-- his loss!!!
__________________
New to this wonderful world of polyamory - I must be crazy - never happier!!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
dating, primary/secondary

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:47 PM.