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Old 03-03-2011, 06:05 AM
lovemultiplied lovemultiplied is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: sunny san diego
Posts: 30
Default single or married (your preferences for secondary/etc relationships)

My husbad and I have been having a debate and I wanted to put it out there....

When you're looking for other people to "date" or "form relationships with," do you feel that there's a difference between being with other people who have their own "primary" or are "stray singles" okay?

That might sound complicated...maybe this scenario/explanation will help:

I feel more comfortable if/when my husband is seeing women who have their own primary relationship... the last woman that he was seeing was single but interested in the poly lifestyle...and though she had "dated multiple men" before, she hadn't been in a relationship where the man she was seeing was married and in a primary relationship (her experiences had simply been with dating more than one person at a time).

In any case, I felt that since she was new to the poly world and already felt like the "other woman" (which, in all honesty - she was - however, as we all know...the "other woman" is an accepted title in this lifestyle...) it was going to cause problems later as she got more attached... and that the fact she didn't have her own primary relationship was going to cause us problems in the end as she fell harder for my husband.

So I apologize if that's confusing...but hopefully it makes SOME sense and will make for a great discussion!!
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Tags
boundaries, negotiating, primary, secondary, veto

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