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Old 03-02-2011, 03:14 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by amandaebo View Post
We have decided to go ahead with the moving in thing and just keep it with the 3 of us, I know it might be soon but I know we will all be very happy together, she and him get on really well and know they will fall in love, I love them both to bits and can't wait to start a family together
Hi Amanda,

Ok - you decided to take the plunge against all the wise advice of others here about moving in together.
That's ok. Every situation is unique so nobody can view through the crystal ball.


A word of advice for ALL.....

When you live together, silly little things that were easily overlooked when you were more independent can balloon into monsters. A hair left in the sink. A dirty dish of the coffee table. Music differences in style or volume. The list is endless.

Get talking and practicing NOW on how you are going to resolve things in a peaceful manner going forward. Especially a commitment to not hold things in until they fester ! That's the biggest and most common mistake.

This isn't unique to a triad living together (or more) - it's part of even 2 people living together ! It's definitely a practiced skill. If you grew up in large families you probably are better prepared for this but if not it can be a REAL learning experience

Be aware that a lot of relationships that work fantastic in the bedroom fail and break up in the kitchen.

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Old 03-02-2011, 03:31 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

I think something that has helped me enormously with adjusting to living with other adults is to curb my imagination.

People by definition don't mean what I think they mean when they say stuff. It is my imagination that fills in the blanks, comes up with ironic tones of voice they are not using, hearing accusations where there are none to be found, or interpreting the following sentence 'Eww, who left the hair in the sink?' to mean 'Blackunicorn, you are such a disgusting person who keeps leaving her hair all over the place. How can you do this to me? I think because of this hair I found I can never love you again'.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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Old 03-03-2011, 02:30 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

It sounds to me like you guys are all pretty young and getting caught up in all this exciting sexual energy. Seems that all these relationships are primarily sexual, and fairly casual, considering how easygoing your bf is about everything. I know it seems like it's love, but... you don't know each other very long. I keep getting the feeling you would be better off focusing on your studies than trying to form a family right now with someone you've only been with a few times. Come back to earth!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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