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  #11  
Old 02-26-2011, 09:32 AM
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I'm right here....just below you...if we had a glass floor I'd be staring up at your ass
LMAO (thanks for that image)


RP - this link may help you somewhat... http://www.google.com/mobile/sync/
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  #12  
Old 02-26-2011, 05:56 PM
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Default Solo poly dating

Now that I've thought about it, I believe the real issue for me is not about how to best utilize Google calendar or any other time management system, although I need to get that down, too. It's more of an emotional/prioritizing thing when dating. When I started doing the online thing, I was very cautious, with just a little bit of info in my profile and just a few select pics. I had a few nibbles and it started out slowly. Now that I've gotten more comfortable with the online thing and have actually met a couple of guys from the site, I started expanding my profile, adding better pics, and I'm getting more responses. I've also been meeting guys out there in the real world, now that I am not walking around weeping over my divorce (and it took a few months to get my too-tight wedding ring off). The men are basically coming out of the woodwork now, haha!

It's easy for me to get overwhelmed when there's lots going on, and I'm trying to stay levelheaded. I was single for a long time before I got married, and so I had lots of dating experience -- but it was often in pursuit of "the one," not the several! I did have a less mainstream attitude toward dating than my friends did, because I would focus on simply enjoying my time with someone, and was totally open to seeing people who might not've been my type just 'cause I liked them, even if I didn't really see a "future" with them -- because I wasn't always focused on finding a husband or trying to turn someone into my boyfriend. I could date just for the fun of dating, without worrying whether it would go anywhere or if this was someone I wanted to have sex with, and many of my women friends and acquaintances just didn't get that. I could go out to dinner with a guy a couple of times, and not freak out if that was it.

However, always in the background was the idea that I eventually should try to find "the one." And it would come up most strongly when I was feeling lonely. So, even though I had short periods of dating for the fun of just enjoying people's company, I would eventually come up against my cultural conditioning and begin to sift through my dates looking for a potential candidate for the long-term monogamous commitment. I wasn't looking for marriage, but I'd be mono with someone for a few months, or a year or so, we'd break up and it would start all over again. Not that unusual, I guess.

I guess the reason I started this thread is really to hear from solo poly people who are out there dating because I want to figure out how to balance those first dates and meeting new people, with the ones you've started to see a little bit more often, and the more established relationships you might have. Because it's a very different angle to dating for me, in that the goal is not to be exclusive or mono, and it feels weird sometimes. I'm not sifting people out as much as I am now "lining them up" for consideration! More people are possible candidates because I know I don't have to hope for as many needs to be met by one person. Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible! I have to get used to just going with that and not worrying about the rest.

And because dating multiple people is all starting around the same time for me, rather than opening up an established marriage to additional partners, I'm kind of finding it challenging to determine how all the puzzle pieces are supposed to fit together.

I guess I just want a few other viewpoints and ideas on negotiating this dating world, as well as managing time and priorities. Or maybe I just needed to babble.
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  #13  
Old 02-26-2011, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
More people are possible candidates because I know I don't have to hope for as many needs to be met by one person. Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible!
For me, a great relief is that I no longer have to exclude somebody because they are from a different area than I am. Long-distance might just be ideal for the single poly.
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  #14  
Old 02-26-2011, 06:12 PM
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For me, a great relief is that I no longer have to exclude somebody because they are from a different area than I am. Long-distance might just be ideal for the single poly.
Oh, gosh, I didn't mean geographical area. When I said, "Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible!" I meant, an area of interest or emotional need in my life. I've done LDRs and don't rule them out, but find the prospect of that less than ideal for me.
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  #15  
Old 02-26-2011, 06:15 PM
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I totally got you weren't talking about geographic areas. I mean that just because somebody feels really nice but lives far away doesn't make me cross them over on my list, because I can always have a relationship with them WHILE pursuing something a little closer by.

Also, with a country of population of 5,3 million, the local poly scene is pretty incestuous.
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  #16  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:28 AM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
I totally got you weren't talking about geographic areas. I mean that just because somebody feels really nice but lives far away doesn't make me cross them over on my list, because I can always have a relationship with them WHILE pursuing something a little closer by.

Also, with a country of population of 5,3 million, the local poly scene is pretty incestuous.
What country do you hail from sir/madam? Sorry about my confusing abbreviations on 1 (one) of my posts - not to worry I'm getting help with poly questions on another gr8 (great) forum based in the UK. I am from England. Hi
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  #17  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:34 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh, gosh, I didn't mean geographical area. When I said, "Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible!" I meant, an area of interest or emotional need in my life. I've done LDRs and don't rule them out, but find the prospect of that less than ideal for me.

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I've been in a good long LDR sadly gone but it was totally worthwhile - some people you just have to be with saa jeg kan snakker som ny maal i dag (So I can speak a new language today)
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  #18  
Old 02-27-2011, 01:10 AM
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NYC,

How many people are you dating ?

Do you think it might be useful for you to spend some time working out the likely path of "current, existng interests" before adding potential newbies to the mix ? And I don't mean path as in "happily ever after"....I mean spending time and energy and giving the relationship the investment to see how it may develop...


I'm sure many of us new to poly want to dive in at the deep end, and feel very excited about the prospect of seeing loads of people...but I imagine that can get exhausting at some point.
I for sure don't have too much emotional availabilty...as my life is very full. I'm aware I can't date too many people...as I don't have the capacity to provide myself fully, in a way which would leave the relationship open to development...

I'm not saying I need "development" in every relationship. I'm ok with casual sex, I'm ok with FWB...I can feel comfort and joy with a variety of relationship styles. But I'd like to be in a position where "development" can happen if the circumstances are right. If I spread myself too thin, I know I can't acheive that..

I'd be overwhelmed if there were too many people involved, and don't feel I'd be at my best in anyway..for myself or for others..

That's just me though. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts ?
Note - excessive use of quotation marks in this post is because I'm tired and can't be bothered searching for more appropriate words..
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  #19  
Old 02-27-2011, 02:52 AM
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Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post

How many people are you dating ?

. . . I'm ok with casual sex, I'm ok with FWB...I can feel comfort and joy with a variety of relationship styles. But I'd like to be in a position where "development" can happen if the circumstances are right. If I spread myself too thin, I know I can't acheive that..
Bella, you hit the nail on the head! I feel the same way.


I'm not really dating that many on a regular basis yet, but there are more than a few "first dates" in the works, to be planned/scheduled. I said, "maybe next week?" to about six or seven guys. And I'm now going, "what was I thinking?" I mentioned in my first post of this thread that I completely forgot about one of them! That's why I said I need a spreadsheet!


What I've got going on right now (besides the upcoming dates mentioned above) are: a casual/FWB relationship with Shorty that started in early December and is now on hold for a little while (I am hoping we will resume sometime in March); a terrible crush on the friend that fixed me up with Shorty but is only platonic for now; and I most recently started dating Dreamy. He and I have only gone out a few times but we both do want to continue seeing each other -- still casually at this point.


My leap into poly, being a single, solo person in the midst of divorce, means that there's no established relationship yet developed into something steady, that I can return to as a secure "home base." Every dalliance or potential relationship I have is pretty new. I would've liked to have developed my relationship with Shorty into something more steady (we started out real hot and heavy, and it's very affectionate and caring) but that's not what he wants right now because he's very busy and travels a great deal. I guess it was about a month and a half that I was seeing only Shorty, before I started dating other guys, and then he had obligations that got in the way and I said let's go on a hiatus for a while while I dealt with other important stuff in my life (yes, I have to remind myself sometimes that dating and men are not always the most important thing, tee-hee).

So, rather than stay home every night, I've been going out, meeting people, and also lining up dates with guys I meet online. But it's gotten out of hand, and now I'm feeling overwhelmed. I guess I don't want to fall into monogamy again and so I'm trying to stay on my toes, so to speak, by seeking out new people.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-27-2011 at 03:52 AM.
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  #20  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:10 PM
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Has anyone tried out poly speed-dating?
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