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  #821  
Old 02-24-2011, 08:37 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Rp I think you are using other people vision of success. I think under the most liberal interpretation you and your tribe are a raving success and anyone who thinks otherwise is not looking at the facts or perhaps are not as open minded as they should be for such a community. Hands down without question a success and most people here I think would agree. Don't let others define what success is for you and yours.

No matter what seminar you choose to put on ....your experience, wisdom, and giving nature are going to be valuable and of interest to others in attendance. I think you should U tube it..

Take care D
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  #822  
Old 02-26-2011, 07:42 AM
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The poly meeting I went to last night gave me some really good ideas on how to run the workshop. She had a mix of history of the topic, her story, common themes that come up for others and question and answer time. I think this was a really good way of creating my workshop... something like that anyway.

The topic was on asexuality and I found it very interesting... I wrote about it on another thread that can be easily found by doing a tag search for "asexual" but what interested me most in reference to myself were the fact that some people found it threatening. I found it interesting as I didn't at all and neither did Mono. It made me wonder if it was because she is not available for sex in the poly community.

I wondered how many men in the room were listening and watching this beautiful, intelligent, humorous woman and thinking DAMN! not willing to have sex with me.... ah well, forget it then. If this was so,,, then how many men look at me this way and pass me for friendship and more because I am not willing to have sex with them. Not only that, I'm not willing to have the kind of sex that they are interested in.... damn my bonded, connected relationship with sex! I wondered how much of a threat I am to them and why... why is any of it threatening?! Really, why is any of it of relevance anyway, yet it is.

Still musing and processing.

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There is really no answer, only movement forward with what you have until such time as its not working any more. That concept seems to settle with time. There isn't the same fearful, painful, achy, frustrating crazy making anguish, that you seem to be going through right now, forever. It comes and goes after a time.

I have become super aware of who comes in my life and how I feel about them where men are concerned. No one matches Mono in my eyes let alone is worth what he offers me. I don't know if that will continue, but for now I have just let it go and agreed to compromise... no rules, no boundaries.... just endless compromise. Most days I don't feel it.

....... Somehow change occurs when least we expect it... when it is forced it seldom seems to work out to everyone's benefit. The good news is that when you let it go the feeling is of much more happiness and gratitude for you DO have rather than for what you don't.... at least that is what I am experiencing.
I wrote this on a different thread and wanted to transfer it to here so as to remember it if I need to. It speaks to where I am at these days for those who are interested.

Dancing night with Derby tomorrow after we have dinner and some time just us... so looking forward to it. I have done hardly anything in the last weeks as far as socializing and going out is concerned... I took a much needed break.
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  #823  
Old 02-26-2011, 11:28 PM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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If this was so,,, then how many men look at me this way and pass me for friendship and more because I am not willing to have sex with them.
Mmm - Their loss !
Sad, but that's reality in some cases...

A deep non-sexual friendship is a beautiful, beautiful thing...something that can stay with you for life and add so much to your life.

I have one incredibly special long term non sexual relationship with someone...he is at my side instantly if I ever need help. We share so much love - If we are in the same room we will be sitting together, often holding hands or resting on each other..there's certainly physicality..

If men pass you for friendship simply because there's no chance of sex happening at some point...well - I'm not sure they have enough value to be friends with anyway...
There's plenty of men capable of loving a woman and offering deep friendship and connection without sex entering the equation. Isn't there ?
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  #824  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:37 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

I wondered how many men in the room were listening and watching this beautiful, intelligent, humorous woman and thinking DAMN! not willing to have sex with me.... ah well, forget it then
RP - I was wondering if there was specific feedback that resulting in you wondering if that's what they were thinking ?

It would seem entirely possible than none of them were thinking that, or 20% were or 5%..
There would seem a danger in assuming people were thinking that....and you could be starting down a path of pondering based on an erroneous assumption. Pondering would still be useful of course.

Some of those men may be deeply offended that someone would assume that about them, or even wonder..

You know, they could have that thought for a millisecond and then have moved straight to more rounded thoughts..

Oh...but now I've started assigning thoughts and motivations to a group of men in a workshop I didn't attend...which was the danger I wanted to point out. Assigning thoughts to people isn't realy fair to them...
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  #825  
Old 02-27-2011, 01:05 AM
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geminigirl geminigirl is offline
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Since I actually know the presenter of the asexuality workshop and spent some time with her this weekend, I can add a bit of insight to your question, RP.

She dates quite a lot, and she is very upfront about her asexual orientation. Apparently there are quite a few men and women out there who don't regard sex as *the* priority in dating, and many of these people are, in fact, poly (she is poly as well as asexual, and she is also bi-romantic).

I spoke to a few men in the group here about her, and all of them thought her presentation was awesome. I didn't get any regretful comments about the fact that she was "unavailable" for sex. But then, we *do* have a pretty exceptional group of poly men in our community.

One of the reasons I wanted her to come speak to the group was because poly discussions often centre on sexuality within relationships, and the different levels of need and priority that are placed on sex. I really liked how she stressed that sexual orientation and desire are a spectrum rather than concrete labels, and a fluid identification that can and probably will change over a person's lifetime. I especially liked how comfortable she was with herself. The presentation really brought home, for me, how important respect is in relationships.
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  #826  
Old 02-27-2011, 08:36 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post
Since I actually know the presenter of the asexuality workshop and spent some time with her this weekend, I can add a bit of insight to your question, RP.

She dates quite a lot, and she is very upfront about her asexual orientation. Apparently there are quite a few men and women out there who don't regard sex as *the* priority in dating, and many of these people are, in fact, poly (she is poly as well as asexual, and she is also bi-romantic).

I spoke to a few men in the group here about her, and all of them thought her presentation was awesome. I didn't get any regretful comments about the fact that she was "unavailable" for sex. But then, we *do* have a pretty exceptional group of poly men in our community.

One of the reasons I wanted her to come speak to the group was because poly discussions often centre on sexuality within relationships, and the different levels of need and priority that are placed on sex. I really liked how she stressed that sexual orientation and desire are a spectrum rather than concrete labels, and a fluid identification that can and probably will change over a person's lifetime. I especially liked how comfortable she was with herself. The presentation really brought home, for me, how important respect is in relationships.
Awesome !
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  #827  
Old 03-03-2011, 12:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
RP - I was wondering if there was specific feedback that resulting in you wondering if that's what they were thinking?
There was a man there that said he felt threatened and didn't know why... there was an energy in the room before she told her story of people wondering if she were asexual. I picked up on it as a disappointment or threat or confusion, whether I was right about it, I will never know and I realize that. She said usually people want to know her story. I wondered if the two were related and why that might be....

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
It would seem entirely possible than none of them were thinking that, or 20% were or 5%..
There would seem a danger in assuming people were thinking that....and you could be starting down a path of pondering based on an erroneous assumption. Pondering would still be useful of course.

Some of those men may be deeply offended that someone would assume that about them, or even wonder..

You know, they could have that thought for a millisecond and then have moved straight to more rounded thoughts..

Oh...but now I've started assigning thoughts and motivations to a group of men in a workshop I didn't attend...which was the danger I wanted to point out. Assigning thoughts to people isn't realy fair to them...
yes, there is a danger of assuming. It seems to me that there is an assumption made about my motivation here and in Gemini's post. I don't have any questions that need answering... I was not looking for answers from people who were there thanks anyway and with that....

I think I will take this topic elsewhere for now. Thanks for the posts.
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  #828  
Old 03-03-2011, 01:18 AM
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Mono booked his flight home to visit his parents yesterday. I had to remind him that I am not as happy as he is and that I love that he is excited and thinking about it, but asked that he go easy on showing it... kind of like he started a new relationship!

I will miss him... I hate people I love being away from me, even for a week... in the middle of that week I have a women's retreat to go to that me and a friend organized. I'm looking forward to it... it will mark the last event I host for our community. (not necessarily for ever, but maybe).

I'm just not feeling it lately. I have reached out and have found my loves and made some big advances in my life, and learned some amazing things about some amazing people. But I think I am fading out. I have made some great friends out of this journey and continue to make plans to see them regularly. It's so wonderful what comes out of things in the most unusual places.

Soooo, what next. I'm not sure, but I feel a new path coming and a door closing on a chapter.

I have a date with Leo tomorrow night. I feel very ready for it. He will be asking me some hard questions I'm sure and I am ready to tell him my thoughts and answers in a truthful and respectful way... another door closing perhaps? I don't know.

It feels like spring today... some spring cleaning seems like a good idea. Who knows what is under those cob webs in my head. I'm open to it all.

I call back into myself
anything that I have inadvertently
or willingly given away,
Anything that I have had taken from me
at any time and in any place.
I call back into myself now,
that I might be whole,
fully restored,
fully harmonised,
fully empowered.
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  #829  
Old 03-03-2011, 02:30 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Quote:
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Soooo, what next. I'm not sure, but I feel a new path coming and a door closing on a chapter.
.
Was that the inspiration for your art? A new path?
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  #830  
Old 03-03-2011, 03:35 AM
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Was that the inspiration for your art? A new path?
good point. The new series I started is about pathes. My last about fields. Hmmmm.. Hadn't thought of that! Thanks derby
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