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  #11  
Old 02-25-2011, 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
I think someone with a healthy self-esteem and a deep enjoyment of sex for the sake of sex instead of sex as a source of self-validation is much better equipped for casual things as well as relationships in general. Maybe it is about general connectedness with your feelings and being able to connect with others.
^^^ This!!! ^^^
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  #12  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:16 PM
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Ah, the best way to get over one man is to get under a new one.
Ba da bing! Mae West, I think? Now, there was a woman ahead of her time.

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Which is better; stay home and mope, play some sappy love songs and wonder if it's in fact been so long the last time you did it that human mating behavior might have changed drastically in the meanwhile; ...
LOL!

Actually I was mono for so long (in practice) there were changes in mating behavior. All that internet porn, all that anal sex and those money shots, and shaving of the pubes now being expected amongst our youth, for both genders! WTH?

(Not that I am against anal sex, but some men seem to think it's the be-all and end-all of sex now, because porn makes it look so simple and attractive. No pain, no messes, no lube, no warmup! Yikes~)
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me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #13  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:16 PM
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Hopefully this question will come out with the same genuine respect and curiousity it is indended to convey...

Why did you pick the title of this thread? Do you personally feel judged or supressed in regards to sex?
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  #14  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:23 PM
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Well, I have felt judged and suppressed from time to time, but since my separation from my ex, I feel amazingly free. The reason for this thread wasn't personal, it was anthropological.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #15  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:28 PM
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Cool..thanks for that
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  #16  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Hopefully this question will come out with the same genuine respect and curiousity it is indended to convey...

Why did you pick the title of this thread? Do you personally feel judged or supressed in regards to sex?
I won't answer for Mags, but I personally feel that all I have to do is look around at the mass media and see that sex is generally judged in society as something that is not sacred and it does feel oppressive at times. Just the fact that prostitution, a profession where a woman can support herself independently and be in control of her sexuality, has become something illegal where a prostitute is abused and controlled by a disrespectful pimp and treated like dirt, taking place in some sleazy crappy hotel or something, and not a temple where the prostitute's gifts are considered a holy blessing, says that mainstream society has long viewed sex as something unwholesome and filthy. That bugs me. I sometimes wish I could go out and make money fucking (in a sacred, reverent way, like when a holistic healer charges for their services) without being rejected by society or seeing such a thing being sensationalized and vilified in the press.

I also find it tiresome sometimes, on the dating scene nowadays (especially being a "child of the 70s"), to have to be careful with prospective dates in not painting myself as a whore if I want sex on the first date. And I often do!
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-25-2011 at 10:42 PM.
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  #17  
Old 02-25-2011, 11:00 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
to have to be careful with prospective dates in not painting myself as a whore if I want sex on the first date.
In my observations, the derogatory attitude that is displayed towards women who are more free with their sexuality often comes form other women more then men. I hear guys say a women "is easy" in a much less negative tone than I hear women say "she is a slut or skank". The basis for this negativity, I sometimes feel, is derived from feeling threatened or jealous. On the flip side, men seem to be ok with engaging in casual relationships with women who are sexully more giving but are often hesitant to commit to them in a life pairing/raise your kids sort of way. Obviously a lot of this has to do with conditioned monogamy and the values outwardly held up by most modern societies (I say ouwardly because people are often much different behind closed doors )

Despite being surrounded by very sexually open people in our community I am not really sure if this is getting any better beyond it's borders. My old community upholds much of the standard responses to sexual freedom especially towards women; Guys are at the mercy of their uncontrollable dicks and women are sluts by choice. It's almost as if males are given more tolerance because they are sexually weaker..women should know better.
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  #18  
Old 02-25-2011, 11:09 PM
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If men could give birth, lots of attitudes would vastly different, but I especially think there would be less hangups and judgments about sex. Women are put on pedestals, not to be sullied by dirty sex, because they are "supposed to be" mothers. Men have long been able to stick their dicks anywhere they want because they won't be saddled by a pregnancy. Motherhood became more revered than sexuality, for women.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #19  
Old 02-25-2011, 11:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I hear guys say a women "is easy"
Yeah, but why are they even saying that? Why is it an issue or something to comment on? That's the problem. It's not a compliment, and no less derogatory than another chick saying she's a skank.

I remember, years ago, when I asked a guy I was seeing what drew him to me and made him want to pursue me. He responded with a bunch of nice compliments, but mixed in with all that was the comment, "I had the feeling you were free with your body." It might have seemed innocuous or flattering, but I felt degraded somehow by it. There was this constant niggling thought that he saw me just as someone who put out, and that he could get lucky with, not really an appreciation of ME, and how "free I was with my body." Now, it came out later on in the relationship that he did think of it as sort of a badge of honor to have "gotten" me. So I, and my sexuality, became objectified by his attitude.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-25-2011 at 11:24 PM.
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  #20  
Old 02-26-2011, 12:53 AM
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I love Sex at Dawn, I have heard lots about it at this point from several community members where I live. A couple of which met the very interesting author at the Seattle poly conference in the fall.

We once went to Aphrodite's Temple (Sacred Sexuality) introduction and were waiting for the actual thing to come here.... hasn't happened yet. A couple of friends of mine have been to the one in Seattle and have been very moved by them...

here is a link http://www.ravenslairleather.com/Main.html
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