Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 02-25-2011, 01:41 PM
jokutus's Avatar
jokutus jokutus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 31
Default

Lunshbox,

The poly community in Charlotte is really unorganized. I have heard of some talk of forming some kind of network, but I don't think it has been finalized. There are some other organizations that seem to draw poly people, BDSM, pagan, atheist groups...

Just my 2 cents...
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 02-25-2011, 04:15 PM
jasminegld jasminegld is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 80
Default

I wrote this around 15 years ago.

"Why I Have an Open Marriage"
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 02-25-2011, 04:43 PM
jasminegld jasminegld is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 80
Default

Here's another website, in case it interests you, addressing polyamory and religion.

Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 02-25-2011, 06:50 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,497
Default

Hey Lunshbox,

Welcome to the board. As others have said, there are dozens, if not hundreds here (including lurkers) who are going thru what you are.

Other posters have given you some good information and support. I hesitate to say advice, because no 2 people are alike and no 2 will process this in the exact same way.

I will address one thing you said. That you didnt like dating (understandably, there are a lot of losers out there), found your wife, she was The One and you felt "settled."

But marriages don't just get settled and stay that way. You've only been together less than a decade? Try a 30 year marriage (like I had and am now out of). People have experiences, thoughts, joys and pains, they change and grow. Sometimes it is thrust upon them. Like, having a child, or several kids. Like, needing to take care of an ailing child or older relative. Sometimes one partner becomes ill. Or you might need to deal with you or your partner going back to school, becoming obsessed with a new time and money consuming hobby, losing a job and self esteem, etc etc.

The thing is to not become insistent that neither partner is allowed to change, or to uncover parts of themselves that they buried to seem "normal." One has to roll with the punches and learn to look at each change (your own or your partner's) as an opportunity for growth and further enlightenment.

It's good you're on meds and in therapy, taking responsibility for your own life changes and feelings. She kept her poly ideas to herself until you were more stable. That speaks of her love and caring for you. Now, it's your turn to be kind to her and look into how you can support her in being her most authentic self.

You might find comfort in the fact that many here who were blindsided by their partners coming out as poly do not lose their partners to the new love interest. Quite often the marriage is indeed actually strengthened by the talking and openness required by exploring polyamory.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 02-25-2011, 07:08 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

what an excellent resourceful thread no only for you lunshbox, but for many people starting out.... There are many threads like this one in the forum... you might want to go back over that last two years and see what others have said... some of whom are still here kickin' it

Off to tag, tag, tag.... please feel to add tags anyone. I am not the boss of tagging, just so you know.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 02-25-2011, 07:19 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,532
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I am not the boss of tagging, just so you know.
Nope, just the Queen of information and we all bow at your feet.
"Honey, where did I put my keys?", "Mom, where's my books?"
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 02-25-2011, 07:20 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Nope, just the Queen of information and we all bow at your feet.
"Honey, where did I put my keys?", "Mom, where's my books?"
Keys are in your coat pocket, your book is under the bed
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 02-26-2011, 06:55 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,093
Default

Reading advice:

Living Happily Ever After-Marsha Sinetar (not about poly-just about relationships and self)

The New Love Without LImits-Deborah Anapol (great book, is about poly, she also has a website)

Polyamory in the 21st Century-Deborah Anapol (enjoyed this book too)

Loving What Is-Byron Katie (not about poly-just about life/relationshios)

Also, if you want to read about trials and errors of creating a poly dynamic-feel free to read my blog. Link is in my signature.

Ask lots of questions, read as much as you can, might be good to go to the blog section of this website and just start reading from beginning to end.

And-like RP said, there are those of here who've been around awhile, I'm at 18 months. Feel free to read our history, ask questions etc.

Mostly-don't rush, but always look for personal growth.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 02-26-2011, 09:07 PM
Lunshbox Lunshbox is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Gastonia, NC
Posts: 10
Default

I want to thank all of you for the information. It has been very helpful. I have started the process of going back through the blogs and the older posts (there is so much info!). Regardless of what happens, this will definitely be a positive learning experience for the both of us. I am not averse to change, it just seems like a huge change. However, with the wonderful friends I have I am sure that no matter the outcome, they will be there. Also, places like this are awesome. Thanks for making me feel at home.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexuality, mono, mono/poly, new to poly, open, open marriage, open poly relationships, open relationship, opening a relationship, poly living

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:24 AM.