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Old 02-25-2011, 04:20 AM
poobah123 poobah123 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 48
Default practically in tears...

just an awful day for me. I am really confused and hurting. Looking for some advice.

Over the summer, I fell in love with my wife's friend. We did not cheat on our spouses. Emotionally yes but not physically. Both our marriages had real problems and when you fell no love in your life, eventually someone else will fill it. I never stopped loving my wife. It was just the love that we felt was so strong between me and her friend we didn't know what to do. Eventually it came to the thought of leaving our spouses but we just could not do that.

Well time went on and we discovered polyamory. Myself and her friend really took to this notion of love more than one. Our spouses got involved and we all got together (in the same room!) to figure things out.

Since september, our spouses let us have this relationship that was more GF/BF. Everyone knew how we felt and was accepting of it. I tried being just friends with this other woman and it's just not in the cards. The attraction on the emotional and spiritual level is just so strong. Recently I gave into to these feelings and said since everyone seems ok, I'll let myself feel love and express my love. Words only and friendly kisses.

Well monday night the other woman tells me she talked to her husand about the physical side. Maybe going on a date with me. After 14 hours of talking, he gave her complete unconditional love. He was accepting of this and wanted her to have whatever made her happy.

Needless to say but I had to ask the question of my wife. She has joked that we looked like a cute couple, would let me kiss her and cuddle so I thought maybe there was a chance. Well it did not go well at all. She wants me to drop the other woman from my life entirely. She says if you want to show ME unconditional love you will do this.

I do love my wife dearly. More so after the past 6 months where our marriage has gotten far better. I just don't think I am strong enough to leave this other relationship. I just don't think I can lose this other person from my life. Tonight I am sad. My heart is in pain. I may have to leave this other woman entirely. Even if things go back to the way they were recently, I'm not sure I can be around this other woman and just be friends. The feelings are just too great.

never in my wildest dreams did I think I could love two people. Never believed or experienced chemistry this strong. As all of this from words and very little physical experience. Crazy thing is my wife does like the other woman. Like best friends but is also hurt by this.

well not much else to say. just a really sad night in store for me. possibly worse. This is just a horrible feeling.
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boundaries, boundary negotiation, boundary setting, compromise, negotiating

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