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  #811  
Old 02-23-2011, 11:30 PM
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sigh... just been triggered by a thread. Its been a long time since I have had that happen. I am feeling weepy, angry, frustrated all over again about the mono poly issue.

What the hell am I going to do two workshops about this summer?! I have no idea how to compose a workshop that brings some kind of hope to others on the mono poly front. First things first.... get through the emotions. These things come together when emotions are not present.
Might I suggest something too RP?


Not to argue with our dearest Derby and Mon... but, on the other side of the coin.....


Life has ups and downs.
Monopoly relationships have ups and downs.

You've just experienced one of those downs so you are fully conscious of that reality-but if you consider it, you are also aware of the ups AND that life in general does that.

In fact, mono-mono relationships experience ups and downs.
Poly-poly relationships experience ups and downs.

So, what you've gone through is NORMAL, par for the course OF LIFE.

What's hard is that you are attributing your own thoughts about what is "right", "wrong", "good" or "bad" to the situation and then judging whether or not you are "good enough" to organize a workshop that others will attend about this life experience (which you DO have) because you have experienced a "down" time.....

Who better to share the hope? To show that in fact the "downs" exist in monopoly relationships AND polypoly relationships AND monomono relationships than a bright, beautiful, caring, sincere, honest and talented woman who HAS EXPERIENCED "ups" and "downs" in all three different types of relationships?
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Last edited by LovingRadiance; 02-23-2011 at 11:31 PM. Reason: clarify first sentence...
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  #812  
Old 02-23-2011, 11:35 PM
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I agree with Derby and Mono that talking honestly about real relationship issues is what is most useful for people who are seeking support and advice. However... there is a time and place for teaching and a time and place for processing. Make sure you do what is right for you at the time and take care of yourself first. Perhaps a workshop about everyone sharing experiences rather than one where you expose your own relationship would feel better?

Big hugs!

Gemgirl
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  #813  
Old 02-24-2011, 12:55 AM
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What was the thread? Been so busy lately no time to monitor things here properly. Hope it wasn't something I said I got a teeny bit triggered myself with one woman. Not upset for me just frustrated with people who aren't prepared to work.

I agree with LR and I think workshops being workshops people are coming for answers. But they're not for a while. Maybe what you're going through now is actually setting you up to have some answers by then.

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PS: Don't make me come over there :-)
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  #814  
Old 02-24-2011, 01:45 AM
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Love may not be finite but our ability to handle the consequences of it are I think. Maybe you, who seem to be one of most infinitely loving people I know are banging up against the finite.

I don't think that is necessarily any more polymono than polypoly. Is it not about acceptance?

Some of the deepest wisdom I have come across on poly mono is on the "Living polymono" group at yahoo. That's not the one I'm always recommending for monos but a kind of sibling group for polys with mono partners. If you're really feeling stuck it might be worthwhile joining for some fresh perspective from people who do it very well.
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  #815  
Old 02-24-2011, 02:14 AM
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Perhaps any workshop we participate in shouldn't be so much about mono/poly...but about people engaging in relationships..this one just happens to involve a mix of poly people with a mono twist.

I think we generate undue pressure on ourselves when doing workshops because we expect to represent a "mono/poly success". I think a mono/poly success would be where everyone is fulfilled and there is no sense of sacrifice (sacrifice being much more noticeable and constant than compromise). That's not us..we sacrifice. So although we might not be a poly success, we have a lot of lessons learned to share and have an intimate knowledge of issues that can and will come up. We're sharing our experience...not a guide to success.
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  #816  
Old 02-24-2011, 02:40 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I think we generate undue pressure on ourselves when doing workshops because we expect to represent a "mono/poly success". I think a mono/poly success would be where everyone is fulfilled and there is no sense of sacrifice (sacrifice being much more noticeable and constant than compromise). That's not us..we sacrifice. So although we might not be a poly success, we have a lot of lessons learned to share and have an intimate knowledge of issues that can and will come up. We're sharing our experience...not a guide to success.
I guess I just want to be there and ready to facilitate with more confidence. Its months away however and I don't think I will be where I am today when I get to that point... not to mention the amount of processing that happens when actually putting a workshop together. TONS happens. I remember when I got the sexual boundaries art therapy workshop ready. It moved me to a different place. I feel very confident in that one and won't have any trouble facilitating that one now.

I agree with Mono and his quote above... I think that often in poly communities we expect that success equals happiness and comfort for all. I struggle sometimes with the fact that success does not equate that at all... success is irrelevant really. I am just willing to put together some thoughts for a workshop and present them.. along with some conversation and questions from others... really, I am not more or less successful than anyone else.

On my death bed I don't think I will be sitting there saying, wow, I was totally unsuccessful with Mono because we never figured out how to conduct a mono poly relationship. I will just remember the good times and likely will smile at the parts where we struggled...

thanks for the support everyone

Sage-PMing you the link
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  #817  
Old 02-24-2011, 05:35 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I think a mono/poly success would be where everyone is fulfilled and there is no sense of sacrifice (sacrifice being much more noticeable and constant than compromise). That's not us..we sacrifice.
If this is the case, then everyone is doomed to failure. Is the sacrifice worth it to YOU? That is the only question that really matters and only you can answer that. I deam a success as actually actively living it, struggles and all. Sometimes compromises can be reached and other times it will require a sacrifice. My experience has been that even what we consider a sacrifice can change over time and circumstances.

RP you will do great. You can offer some insight and compassion to others in similar situations, that you may not have had a year ago or even a few months ago.
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  #818  
Old 02-24-2011, 06:23 AM
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Is the sacrifice worth it to YOU? .
Why yes it is
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  #819  
Old 02-24-2011, 07:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Is the sacrifice worth it to YOU? That is the only question that really matters and only you can answer that. I deam a success as actually actively living it, struggles and all. Sometimes compromises can be reached and other times it will require a sacrifice. My experience has been that even what we consider a sacrifice can change over time and circumstances.

RP you will do great. You can offer some insight and compassion to others in similar situations, that you may not have had a year ago or even a few months ago.
Ditto.

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  #820  
Old 02-24-2011, 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think that often in poly communities we expect that success equals happiness and comfort for all. I struggle sometimes with the fact that success does not equate that at all... success is irrelevant really. I am just willing to put together some thoughts for a workshop and present them.. along with some conversation and questions from others... really, I am not more or less successful than anyone else.
That sounds like a good topic right there: How to define success in one's relationships. I'd attend! Things like asking what would make someone feel successful, what attachments we have to being a "success," how to confront others' definitions of success and their possible judgments about the way we live our lives, etc. Lots of rich stuff there!

You'll be great, don't worry. Curious - how long are the workshops supposed to be?
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