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Old 02-20-2011, 06:58 PM
abhainn abhainn is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: London
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Hi Grounded Spirit, thanks for your thoughts.

Indeed it is a case, that I have never explored the areas he has. I have, in footnotes and between the lines, not wanting to pressure him, expressed that I'd like to explore with him. I have now said it more clearly, so that we both know where we are at. But, it may be, that for one reason or other, he won't want to do that.

I don't know, would somebody who has experience of this end of things enlighten me, if you're going out with someone with less varied sexual experience, is it a bother and a burden to teach? That is what I'm most worried about, and don't want to put that task on him.

It has been complicated. I came to this relationship, branded as a lesbian, after a near complete four year selibate brought on by an absolutely devastating sexual experience(s) and I had not thought I would ever be getting close to a man again, ever. From my point of view, much of the last 6 months has gone in getting used to poly, on one hand, but perhaps more so, moving from a very fearful and traumatised disposition to a place where it is actually ok and safe to let go with a man, with this man.

So, I fully understand it has not been very interesting kind of sex for him.

Perhaps, how I see it is that for me there has already been a long journey in the sexual aspect of this relationship. What was overwhelming and frightening is now comfortable and easy. From here, I am be happy to continue to new ground. From his point of view it might be that "we've had sex for so long, and it has not changed, developed, got any more interesting". And so he is giving up on it. For me it has been progressive, for him static.

Again, I don't know yet how well he is aware of the journey I've made, he knows the bones of my experience but I haven't been using him as my psychoanalyst. If that journey is something he is mindful of, then he might think that what he would like sexually might be tremendously triggering for me. But then again, it might have nothing to do with this. The only way to find out is to talk.

Yes, it is complicated. Nothing wrong with complicated, I just hope to be able to work things out, for both of us.
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