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  #271  
Old 02-18-2011, 11:54 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Sage, the Steps were first written in the 1930's and so still somewhat use the language of those times. Also, when one goes to AA, hopefully you work the steps with a sponsor guiding you. And every sponsor has their own take on the steps and adds their own flavor to doing them. A sponsor might even let you know when they feel you're ready to work a particular step, and either encourage you or caution you in working them according to your progress and state of mind.

The "wrongs" generally come out of your personal inventory, which you look over and review, and get honest about. Lots of "wrongs" can be those injustices and unhealthy behaviors you have done to yourself -- it's not necessarily just about admitting "bad stuff" you've done. For example, putting others first at the expense of your own well-being can very much be a "wrong."

Hope that helps clarify.

PS - I'm not in the program but have attended many meetings with friends and relatives for over five years, and still have good friends who are very much involved in AA, with lots of time under their belts. I'm extremely familiar with it.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-19-2011 at 12:53 AM.
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  #272  
Old 02-19-2011, 12:27 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Hey Ari, your post about NRE was really relevant and interesting... I agree, there are different types of poly... would you mind if I quote you to start a thread? Or would you mind starting a thread? I'm talking specifically about this part... although there are several thread starters there. One of which I am going to start and not quote you... Here is the quote

"How many couples fall into this because of dissatisfaction. Their core relationship is sucking wind, but instead of breaking ties they open up. Does this work, sure, sometimes, it fulfills them, but most times it doesn't. Its a patchwork house looking to explode at the first storm because the base isn't strong. Its like watching a trainwreck... we can all hope and dream, but this is a shaky foundation to get your start in non-monogamy... I once used jenga as an example of how healthy non-monogamy should work. If the base isn't built right the whole house will come down."
Feel free. I don't mind if you start a thread using that snapshot thought

Quote:
I also liked what you said about not posting when things are going well. I am the opposite. I post when things are going well. It's now, when things aren't, that I find it hard to find things to say... I guess because I am depressed and stumped these days. I'm getting through it and coming out the other side now. But it makes me think that maybe there is something to that in me that is off some how... there ya go... another possible thread...
its interesting to see the different dynamics, I often wonder how much poly is working in the world, in those people who never found "polyamory". Or used poly sites for what relationship help they needed and then moved on to actually live their relationships.

When things are going well, I just don't have much to say... I am too busy living or trying to live my life in the relationships I want. It would be like being on a "love" forum and finding the love of my life. There is just no point to staying...

As much as I love to convey information and give good examples, and I remember last year, bitching about how many people leave when things work... I did the same thing, which I now totally understand. Poly is relationship busy, being involved on a site with a crap load of relationships... kind of saturates you in a poly swimming pool. I think THAT may be it right there. Living in the relationships and being saturated by discussions on the relationships became ... redundant.

When I was an admin on a bike forum... I posted more in the fall through spring. When I was actually biking, I disappeared. It might well be the same effect.
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  #273  
Old 02-19-2011, 07:28 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Ari and RP- I think a thread on that first topic is interesting subject. Some I have read on here definitely came into poly when there was a problem with the primary relationship. Problems of compatibility or interests or even communication-style. Of course once they were in it, some primary relationships- the ones with a good foundation where the partners are strong individuals have survived the transition from mono to non-mono. I do think that it is fair to say some enter into poly in a less than ideal way, however, if it can help the individuals be happier as individuals with a new ability to connect with others in ways they were not previously connecting, then it is possible for that patchwork to find some support in the "batting" that poly can offer a weakened relationship. Sometimes...not always. There are numerous examples where poly for a weak relationshp has completely shattered the primary relationship. but again, I have to say that poly is never the cause of the breakup from my observation on here and other sites, but rather a grasping at straws. It isn't ENOUGH to keep a bad relationship together. Know what I mean?
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  #274  
Old 02-24-2011, 06:15 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I am in an awesome place right now.

Work - is going great. I have to create a proposal to re-design the IT structure within the company I work for. This is officially turning regional and will give me more freedom to do the parts of the job I love as well as more freedom to travel.

Sobriety - what is alcohol again? Honestly, not getting cocky but even under some very stressful times I have not really been craving drinks... too much ... AA is going well and Pengrah is making some good friends out of the deal too.

Romance - Pengrah and I are doing great. Things are rolling along great, this has been a very healing time.
And to continue the great news, Sourgirl and I are back together. This past bunch of weeks has been hell (with AA etc) but we have both done some growing and learning. Her strength in trying to help me during some of my darkest times is beyond admirable. I love her dearly and am beyond happy to have her back in my life as my girlfriend.

I am lucky to be loved by two very patient women. I count my blessings daily...

Ari

Last edited by Ariakas; 02-24-2011 at 07:27 PM.
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  #275  
Old 02-24-2011, 06:30 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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That's wonderful Ari....
Funny how things play out once we accept that we just have to "do it".
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  #276  
Old 02-24-2011, 07:14 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Woo Hoo! YEAH!!!
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  #277  
Old 02-24-2011, 09:34 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Yay, Ari!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #278  
Old 02-24-2011, 09:54 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Congrats!
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  #279  
Old 02-27-2011, 04:11 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I am in an awesome place right now.
...

Romance - Pengrah and I are doing great. Things are rolling along great, this has been a very healing time.
Oh, good!

Quote:
And to continue the great news, Sourgirl and I are back together... I love her dearly and am beyond happy to have her back in my life as my girlfriend.
Aha! I thought so, from some hints you've been dropping around the boards. Good work, brother. So glad you've come to this new healthier place.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #280  
Old 02-27-2011, 09:05 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Thanks everyone. Exciting times ahead, heading to Calgary for a birthday visit, best gift I can think of is being reunited with my love.
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