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Old 02-16-2011, 08:39 PM
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kreeativ kreeativ is offline
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Default awakening again

first of all hello to all you incredibly enlightened folks out there.
second forgive my two finger chicken peckin style of typing.
and third friggen WOW! what a site.
about ten years ago,i was released through divorce. many issues involved with that but im gonna stick to the ones that pertains to this poly phenom. the more i look back on my life i see the tendencies i tried so hard to supress.im 50 so there is alot to look back on. one,that i was bi,two that i was poly.
after 15 years of marriage,i began to experience depression, alcoholism,anxiety,keep those demons at bay right?those are now all conditions of the past and dont dictate who i am now. my wife at the time and i had pretty good communication skills.but sometimes when you dont know what you dont know you become confused. so any way we decide after much discussion to jump into the swinging world.this is what we thought we needed.for her,this was about exploreing our sexuality,ok i thought, i'll go with that,being not sure really what it was i was trying to explore .it all makes sense to me now,cuz thanks to this new found word" polyamory" it was never about strictly sex for me there was a deeper need there.and now i see there is a word for it.we endured this adventure for about three years,but it was just so empty for me,and all the time being reminded by her that she was to remain the most special,and that there was to be no love involved. we had a female friend of mine that became quite a regular threesomes and stuff,and my wife was playing with another male friend,but he was never comfortable with it and didnt last long, but the female friend of mines friendship grew,until one nite my wife went to bed and my lover and i stayed up to make love on the couch and thats when i realized i loved her and i told her so. the weird thing was, my wife knew i had said those words and thats when it all imploded. she had lost control of the whole thing,and thats just not an option for her,so shes suddenly had enuff of this game,and wants me to get out go move in with my lover,thats when i realized that my wife had never been honest with me or and most importantly herself.over all of that my guilt took hold,i left my good friend/lover moved back in with the demon wife and lived the next two years in a sexless loveless marriage.
so now that brings me up to a more present time.
its been ten years since that divorce,a few relationships later i meet a woman who gets me,and i get her. she is for the most part mono. i told her right off the bat early in our relationship that i knew i could not promise mono relations with her.we have been committed to a spiritual partnership.and this has been extremely enriching for the both of us.we have been with each other two years and that familiar feeling is coming up for me again.ive told her im bi which she is fine with,in fact the idea of seeing me with a guy is hot for her. but a female is a bit different.ive been trying to explain these feelings,without knowing what they are myself,until now. my god what a revelation this website has been for me. i beleive i can educate us both about what it is im experiencing.thank you all for being here.oh and if there are any sugjestions on how to meet more like minded people,please share.one more thing i really want to express,is that this is all a very spiritualy enlightening experience,it is not about fucking whoever looks good its about that soul connection and being all i can be emotionaly with my friends. im on an inner journey and being in deep meaningful relationships is a large part of that exploration.
jeff.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:20 PM
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River River is offline
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Default Welcome

kreeativ,

Welcome.

If the editing function hasn't already timed out when you read this, could you do us all a favor and put some spaces, as paragraph breaks, in what you wrote? It'd sure make it easier to read. Thanks.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:27 PM
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River River is offline
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kreeativ View Post
... it is not about fucking whoever looks good its about that soul connection and being all i can be emotionaly with my friends. im on an inner journey and being in deep meaningful relationships is a large part of that exploration.
jeff.
I'll say! We're fundamentally relational beings, so naturally our spiritual journey will importantly include ... well, relationships.

Glad to have you here with us.
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Old 02-17-2011, 02:21 PM
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kreeativ kreeativ is offline
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Default hello

sorry about the rambling not much of a typer or writer.its unlikly i will write that much in one setting anyway. honestly never been apart of any kind of forum before.
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