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  #51  
Old 02-11-2011, 08:11 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I posted the jealousy questions on the other thread so anyone wanting to respond do so there. Thanks again Neonkaos ...... D
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  #52  
Old 02-11-2011, 10:29 PM
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

Flamekat would you be alright with your partner exploring outside relationships? I don't think these hypotheticals really work because these types of situations are so full of emotions that its something that has to be experienced, but I had to ask. Thanks D
dingedheart...

yes I would be alright with it - it would bring up some issues of my own that we would work through, but yes it would be okay. (In my marriage I was cheated on by my ex, I offered to open the marriage for him - he declined as he prefered to lie to me and be deceitful among other things, which included controlling me)

hypothetical or not... we can't experience those issues until we have worked to the point that WW is able to accept the possibility and be okay with it... and I have to say that the degree to which he visualises... he does experience it and we do work through it... I think that a lot of the time actually working through it as we experience it would be easier on him as (I feel) his own imagination makes things much worse than they really would be...

and I point out that while we may not be in throes of those 'real experiences'... we too are dealing with the same issue - just at a different stage of it and in a different way... it may not work for you - but for now, it works for us... I don't know how many others choose the hypothetical course first and then move forward onto actuals, but I am sure there are others, and my words may help them...
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  #53  
Old 02-12-2011, 12:59 AM
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I was thinking you may want to ask her questions in private, Dinged. She's generally an open book on this forum.
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  #54  
Old 02-13-2011, 08:53 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Thanks flamekat and karma for you input.

Flamekat I think it is great that you are examining things from a hypothetical perspective, I think we all did. I also think you are very wise to try to unravel issues now instead of when it could be very damaging and irrevocable.

Karma thanks for the suggestion. It sounds like we have a similar situation, how long have the two of you been doing this??
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  #55  
Old 02-13-2011, 10:23 PM
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Umm.... lemme think....

about a year and a half, maybe? I'm horrible with dates and timeframes. Somewhere around there, though.
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  #56  
Old 02-14-2011, 05:37 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Karma I'm guessing it didn't start out exactly smooth...so how long did it take to settle down or smooth out? Or is it a work in progress? From what I gather from your situation I was wondering how much responsibility do you take on... in terms of your wifes/partners adjustment to this new dynamic? Thanks D
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  #57  
Old 02-15-2011, 03:24 AM
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It's still something of a work in progress, although that "work" has been put on hold for now. Cricket has a lot to work through.

It took about six months for everything to be "OK" between me and Mohegan again, but everyone's different - meaning that it could take other people less time or more time. She still has moments where she gets suspicious of what I'm doing, but now we address those issues as they come up instead of not talking about them and letting them fester.

As far as their relationship with each other goes, that can best be described as a rollercoaster. And one that I recently got off of

I've told them both that I'm not talking about either one of them to the other one anymore, because all it ever seemed to do was cause problems for everyone, and if they had something to address or something they wanted to say to each other, they could do it directly. I'm horrible at the "telephone game", and me thinking that I understood what one of them was saying to the other and why they were saying it led to some fairly nasty arguments. So I just stopped doing that.
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  #58  
Old 02-15-2011, 07:04 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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thanks karma for the reply

I think I phrased my question based on not being sure if you were married. Thus it was unclear. You thought I was asking about the relationship between your wife and oso. My question is.... how much time effort did you or do you put into making sure your wife is ok. Now I don't know exactly how your journey started so these questions could fall to your wife.

Here's where I'm going with this. If this was your idea " the journey" do you see yourself having a larger share of the burden so to speak.. That burden being your wife's healthy transition to this new lifestyle. Forgive my difficulty in describing this. I hope this give you a glimpse as to the direction I was going. If not I'll keep working on it. D.
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  #59  
Old 02-16-2011, 02:27 AM
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I feel like I do in some ways, yes. Making sure she is OK with this has been a top priority, it just took me some time to figure out the right way to go about it.

On the other hand, Mohegan (my wife) will probably be the first to tell you that all the responsibility for this can't fall on just one person - it has to be something that both partners work together on. So, while I feel responsible for making sure that everything is OK on her end of things, that doesn't neccessarily mean that it IS all my responsibility.
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