Is our time split unusual?

[sage]

It will be interesting to see how it progresses, 7 months isn't that long. Keep us posted, she must be a very highly energized woman

Maybe if Z and I had been married for years and years I could do it...nope I really don't think I could. I like to feel settled in one place, bit of a home bod I guess.

[redpepper]

I wonder if your wife is born in the same year as me or something. I just had my chart done and in it it said that I have more energy and drive than the average person. What I get done in a day compared to others is WAY more... really? geesh, I'm sure no one has noticed. I had a roommate once that used to say about me and my then wife "lesbians get a lot done in a day" It was his excuse for not doing dishes, taking garbage out etc. drove us crazy but he just chalked it up to the fact that he would of gotten to it if we weren't so keen to get it done; cause we are lesbians. makes no sense I know, but it worked for him the little shit LOL (that was a joke folks, he is a dear friend to this day )

Anyway, we shall compare notes I'm sure.

[HappiestManAlive]

Geeze does this thread hit home. This is the single biggest issue in our relationship right now.

Basically, Violet monopolizes the unholy hell out of my time, and feels justified in doing so, and the other 2 get the table scraps. And whenever I try to work things differently, there's hell to pay. And GOD FORBID anyone tell Violet that she's doing so; THAT'S a can of worms NOBODY wants to open anymore.

Basically, Lana respects my time with Violet to a degree that's unhealthy for her and is alternately tolerant and respectful of my time with Adrian. Adrian is still pissed and has a chip on her shoulder 6 months later about my time with Violet, but usually repects it, and is alternately tolerant and angry about my time with Lana.

And Violet is alternately resentful of y time with either of them or totally benevolent - "hey baby? [Adrian/Lana] really seems to need you right now. Why don't I go [insert something here] while you take a few hours to take care of her". And then uses that as ammunition the next time one of them voices an issue with her getting every night and half the days with me.

*sigh*

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

Geeze does this thread hit home. This is the single biggest issue in our relationship right now.

Basically, Violet monopolizes the unholy hell out of my time, and feels justified in doing so, and the other 2 get the table scraps. And whenever I try to work things differently, there's hell to pay. And GOD FORBID anyone tell Violet that she's doing so; THAT'S a can of worms NOBODY wants to open anymore.

Basically, Lana respects my time with Violet to a degree that's unhealthy for her and is alternately tolerant and respectful of my time with Adrian. Adrian is still pissed and has a chip on her shoulder 6 months later about my time with Violet, but usually repects it, and is alternately tolerant and angry about my time with Lana.

And Violet is alternately resentful of y time with either of them or totally benevolent - "hey baby? [Adrian/Lana] really seems to need you right now. Why don't I go [insert something here] while you take a few hours to take care of her". And then uses that as ammunition the next time one of them voices an issue with her getting every night and half the days with me.

*sigh*

HMA, Sounds like some structure would help, like designating specific days for each of them. Either that, or they all need a few other boyfriends.

[HappiestManAlive]

Adrian dates/hooks up here & there, the other two are totally uninterested in other men (or women for that matter). Lana may eventually flex her poly wings, but she's nowhere near it right now. Violet has made it perfectly clear that it's me or nobody for her.

Adrian needs to chill out & stop pushing for things - if she would've done this months ago she'd have what she needs by now. Fightin Violet and pushing me every step of the way has been totally counterproductive for her.

Lana needs to open up. If I hear her say "nothing, I'm fine" one more time I'm going to kick a puppy.

Violet needs to respect the other girls' needs, period. It's getting ridiculous.

I need a vacation.

[Magdlyn]

vodkafan, that arrangement sounds like it's working really well for the 3 of you. I'm sure it wouldnt for everyone, but we are all different, and will have different things that make us comfortable, and even blissful.

(Congrats on the daily sex when you are together! Yum.)

Your post is timely for me, because my gf finally has a serious bf now, after being with just me for about 2 years. Now her bf wants to arrange a structured once a week overnight (24 hours) schedule with her. She just revealed this to me last night. I haven't really processed my feelings around this idea yet, esp as he wants her Friday evening into Saturday evening (prime "date night"). But she explained this Fri-Sat arrangement would be flexible, depending on what activities we all would have, me, gf, her bf and his live-in gf. There would be exceptions made for special events, holidays, trips planned, employment issues, etc.

Do you 3 also have this kind of flexibility?

[Carma]

Hahaha, Happiest Man, you crack me up! No kicking puppies, just realize you are dealing with some passive-aggressive martyrdom there, ha! I can't even imagine trying to keep three women happy -- I am just one, and TWO men can hardly handle it

Vodkafan, your wife sounds amazing. And I suspect that the reason she is not getting "worn out" is the fact that both of you men are loving, respectful, and gentle with her.

Thanks for putting it out there, how this can actually work. Maybe more families could stay together and more marriages could survive if people could consider a poly lifestyle as a possible solution to their lovestyles. But most of us have never seen a working example! This is creative and loving thinking at its best. Kudos to you and your family, and others here as well who are exploring solutions, rather than giving up on the relationships that mean the most.

[River]

"Be My Everything" is, indeed, a tall order.

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

But she explained this Fri-Sat arrangement would be flexible, depending on what activities we all would have, me, gf, her bf and his live-in gf. There would be exceptions made for special events, holidays, trips planned, employment issues, etc.

Do you 3 also have this kind of flexibility?

Yes. We generally stick to the same days, but twice we have had to rearrange things because my wife wanted to be home for special events such as you describe. For instance, in the very first month one of the children's birthdays and our wedding anniversary were on consecutive days, which both fell on his scheduled days. He was upset and communicated this to me wife. (At that time we had not properly met and did not communicate with each other)
We talked it out and rearranged different days for D and her and all was cool.
We always try to give them 3 consecutive days together, as long as they have that I get my 4 days by default.
A schedule gives everybody something to build around I find.
We can be very flexible these days. For instance last Sunday evening our boiler broke down and we had no hot water for the children's baths. A quick phone call and then we put the three youngest ones in the car and my wife bathed them all (and had a shower herself) at D's flat and then I picked the kids up in their pyjamas, which they thought was a great adventure. The next day to say thanks I cooked him a dinner and my wife left it in his flat with a note for when he came home from work.
It's just about trust and talking.
My wife absolutely loves the fact she has the support and resources of two men. We think we have the best wife out there.

My advice would be to try the schedule they want for a month or so Magdlyn and see how it works out. Would there be any strings attached like you cannot contact her during that time?

[vodkafan]

[QUOTE=sage;66249] she must be a very highly energized woman

/QUOTE]

Haha Lol this did make me smile sage. My wife could sleep for England. She does not so much sleep as go into a coma every night.