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  #21  
Old 02-02-2011, 05:43 PM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
As a mono she prefers to simply enjoy her relationship without having to meet anyone else he may be involved with, even though she's accepting of it. She appreciates what she has with him, doesn't ask questions about the gf, and has no need to feel a part of a "network" or other poly configuration. Meeting her partner's gf just makes her feel more of a part of something she doesn't really want to think about.

Did I get that right, Bacon? (love the username)
Yes

I wasn't trying to be negative when I said 'I don't want to be poly", sorry if it was taken that way.
Thank you for all the respones. I am trying to understand things from all angles and get a good outcome.
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  #22  
Old 02-02-2011, 06:06 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
If you don't get the difference between those two thiings, don't bother reading what I'm about to say next.




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  #23  
Old 02-02-2011, 06:41 PM
Laylah Laylah is offline
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well... if your comfortable with him and her being together... thats cool. That should be enough right there. I know we've had ladies want to be with my hubby and i just didnt find myself attracted to them. So it ended up being him and her physically.. and me and her being friends. Which was fine with me.

My point is you shouldnt have to feel like you MUST meet someone you dont want to. It should be only if YOU feel comfortable with it. Cause trust me if you do it and your NOT comfortable with it... and they are lovey dovey in front of you..... you MIGHT find yourself in a tight spot... meaning if your anything like me and speak your mind.... you might find yourself saying something before you can help yourself lol.

So rather than do all that mess. I'd mill it over some.... maybe talk to the woman on the phone or email... that way you two can talk.. and get all the issues out of the way first. THEN if you feel comfortable(this might take a good while) meet her.

This is just my opinion... you can do as you see fit on it all.

Also.. your SO.. must understand that you may never feel comfortable enough to meet his GF. And if not... that should be ok to.
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  #24  
Old 02-02-2011, 09:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
And your warning flags naturally go up when someone doesn't want to meet/acknowledge your existence . . . The poly GF would have to have such deep trust in her SO that she could get comfortable with a total unknown being in the picture.
The gf isn't totally unknown to the OP, nor unacknowledged:

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaconWrappedCupcakes View Post
. . . we spoke in early stages of this relationship . . .

I think it's just going to take some patience, consideration, and heartfelt communication to arrive at a solution that works for all involved. Maybe the gf would be satisfied with only talking again and not meeting in person, if you are willing to do that.
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solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-02-2011 at 11:23 PM.
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  #25  
Old 02-13-2011, 03:37 AM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
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I thought I would update since everyone was so helpful with the responses.

We did all meet for lunch. I realized the longer I put it off the more unnecessary stress I would cause myself. I was nervous of course, but it all went really well. We have talked since and I think things will be good.

Again thanks for the responses, they were all very helpful


Bacon
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  #26  
Old 02-13-2011, 02:30 PM
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brainfreezy brainfreezy is offline
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I'm really glad you went for it! Eliminating the unknown aspects of your relationship certainly helps reduce the opportunities to make fear-driven decisions (which almost never turn out well). And see? The three of you all feel better!

I think the general consensus was that you didn't have to meet if you really didn't want to, but that overall it would be better if you did. I'm kinda glad I was wrong on this one!
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