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  #41  
Old 02-11-2011, 11:10 AM
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Karma Karma is offline
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Hi Dinged, I'm Karma. I'm married to Mohegan, and I was in a romantic relationship with Cricket, although right now were are just friends. I've followed along on this thread, and I suggest you ask Mo some of your questions in a private message - to me, it seems like a lot of the underlying emotions you are dealing with are the same ones she dealt with when we started down this road, and I'm willing to bet that her perspective would be helpful for you, as she's neither "new" to this, nor have we been poly for years and years - more of a "middle of the road" viewpoint as far as the things we've been through, and the stuff we haven't yet.

Some background-

Mo and I had been married for three years (roughly) when I started a string of affairs behind her back. The reasons were multiple, and while I'm NOT justifying my actions, I will state that the root of my cheating was caused by both of us. I wasn't looking for any sort of relationship with the other women, I just wanted sex.

Then I met Cricket, and my whole world changed

I had no intention of falling in love with her, but I did. I kept our relationship secret for months, but eventually I told my wife that I was in love with another woman - but also with her. I was extremely confused... she was actually far more accepting of it that I was, until she found out about all the other affairs, and that Cricket and I had slept together as well. That's when she started going through a of of the same emotions you seem to be going through. (This is my opinion, I am not about to tell someone that I *know* what's going on in their head better than they do, and if I'm wrong please feel free to correct me.)

I really feel that she'd be a good person to talk to, as she didn't really want to dive into this polyamory thing as much as I kinda jumped in and dragged her with me She's discovered along the way that she really doesn't have any issues with it, so long as I'm not being an asshole and sleeping with random women behind her back... can't really balme her for not being OK with that, now can I?

BTW, as far as the internet goes.... I am the most sarcastic, blunt person ever. As a result, I LIVE AND DIE by smiley emoticons, qoutation marks, pharentisis (however you spell that), ect. Due to my charming combination of sarcasm and bluntness, I invariably piss people off accidentally if I don't use them. Just something to consider to avoid future misunderstandings with people... text absolutely fails to convey non-verbal things like sarcasm without a lot of assistance

I wish you luck with your journey here. It does get better, trust me. And there's not a damn thing wrong with you feeling the way you do right now, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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  #42  
Old 02-11-2011, 01:00 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Parentheses.

I've given up on sarcasm. I don't even like it when my gf uses it in the most teasing loving fun way. It's so often a form of being passive aggressive and turning aside real issues. I find it's better to try and avoid it altogether.
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  #43  
Old 02-11-2011, 01:34 PM
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I've been exposed to it since I was little, so it's become a natural form of communication for me. I can't be passive aggressive or hide behind it with the people that matter - they know me too well

Besides, I don't think I could be passive aggressive if I tried... and I have tried.
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  #44  
Old 02-11-2011, 02:26 PM
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Well, I am speaking from my experiences with my ex. When something was bothering him, he'd get more and more sarcastic and biting til I'd finally say, WHAT is bothering you?? What is really the issues here?
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miss pixi, 37
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  #45  
Old 02-11-2011, 03:24 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Thanks everyone for the replies....

I how have to go back and retrace my train of thought to see how it all fits.

New question: How much is jealousy hardwired into use humans and how much is learned???? Is some jealousy factory provided so as to delineate preference. If not what is its purpose?? ........ Let the FUN begin.

karma thanks, Would she prefer I ask things in private or were you thinking that I need that?

As for the emto icon's..... not there yet I'm glad I'm not still double posting.

Got to go for now.... I'll check back later.. D
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  #46  
Old 02-11-2011, 03:27 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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There is a whole thread on jealousy here.
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  #47  
Old 02-11-2011, 06:32 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Thanks neonkaos for the reference material.

Are you suggesting my questions have already been ask and answered? Or do you think these questions belong under that thread heading? I did read that thread and I didn't see those specific questions asked or answered but I fuck up all the time... If this is the case please disregard. Thanks D.
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  #48  
Old 02-11-2011, 06:42 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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You might want to add your question to that thread so that the NEXT person can go there and read all about it in one place.

People complain that things are so hard to find on here (I don't believe that), so we're trying to make it easier by keeping general discussion on certain topics in their own threads.
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  #49  
Old 02-11-2011, 07:45 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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To Flamekat, again thanks for the reply..went back and read context of the question to make sense of the answer. I think I understand what your saying... which I think is the way most poly people feel. One could make the argument that sex is a simple bodily function, eye blinking, eating, and some other more graphic ones as well. I think this is how the swing community frames it to some degree.... and it makes sense.

The word LOVE gets thrown around a lot...and has a connections to the act of sex and its possible status... Then at another end of the spectrum ... we have the slut... ethical or not. Who wants to date/marry/ have children with or whatever.... with that image or label. NOTE: not calling anyone a slut, just thinking of how I view that behavior. Have I enjoyed the company of someone who may have had such a reputation YES Would I have considered that in long term dating plan... no way. Why I'm not sure now.

Flamekat would you be alright with your partner exploring outside relationships? I don't think these hypotheticals really work because these types of situations are so full of emotions that its something that has to be experienced, but I had to ask. Thanks D
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  #50  
Old 02-11-2011, 07:49 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Thanks Neonkaos that makes a lot of sense, thanks again D
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