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Old 02-10-2011, 02:49 PM
abhainn abhainn is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: London
Posts: 12
Default New & confused.

Hi I'm new here and new to non-mono and finding it... sometimes complicated... wondered if writing here would help to clear some things and any comments or advice would brighten the path no doubt.

As background, I met a guy some time ago, who turned out to be poly and we started going out together. Very quickly it felt like finally having found my way, like sitting down in a comfortable chair, this suits me, this is how I've always been. So that's fine.

Some things were hard, initially, and very sore. How could he love these people, and love me? Does he love me? Does he want me? Am I being compared to...? Then I started going out with a girl, on poly basis, and have learned something about how different people slot to your emotional space differently.

With my boyfriend we have a regular weekly thing at his. Rest of the time he sees his other partners and sometimes we keep in touch, sometimes we don't.

Now, why I'm writing here is that some things are bothering me, but I don't know how to bring them up or what my 'rights' are, what I can ask and what I can't. We don't have any rules, it is fully open, but very respectful and supportive in many ways.

Sex is quite important to me in this relationship. I fancy him. I want him to fancy me. Sometimes he doesn't. Because he knows it's important to me, he will still have sex with me, but he's not in it fully, and I feel that and it hurts me deeply (this may be silly, but it is how I feel).

I suppose what bothers me the most is that I can't help thinking it is to do with the other partners, especially the woman who has the night before mine, who he has sex with through the night (something he slipped when we were still quite new to each other, I don't know if this is generally true, or just true for that week/that time).

Now I'm finding, that although I'm not jealous of his other partners, I'm jealous of this woman. I feel she is taking something from me. She has taken his sexual energy, and he comes to me to rest, when I need his sexual energy, too. I feel close to her, because he loves her, but I hate her, too.

I'd want to talk to him about this, but don't know how to bring up something like this, and have kept it too long now, it is becoming really painful.

Last edited by abhainn; 02-10-2011 at 07:27 PM.
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