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Old 02-09-2011, 10:28 PM
CeleryPerhaps CeleryPerhaps is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2
Question A Bump in the Road or a Bad Sign?

Hi,

I've been reading the forum the last few days, and it's kind of nice to just read people talking about poly relationships and the problems that come along with it (as well as the benefits). It's kind of hard to talk to friends and family about problems when most of them seem to want to blame any problem you might be having simply on the fact that you're in a non-monogamous relationship. I had a problem that maybe some of you can provide me some advice on.

I'm a 24 year old male, only in mono relationships up until 5 months ago when I began dating my current partner. She was living with a male partner at the time (they had been together for a year), and was very open about the fact that she was poly and I didn't have any major qualms about it so we started going out. For 5 months is was pretty great, I really got along with her other partner and I only felt a twinge of envy here and there, definitely nothing big and it was related to spending time with her. She believes in having all partners be equal, so it was not a primary/secondary relationship

She recently moved out of the house with her other partner and moved into a place on her own, around this time she was hanging out with one of her friends and they ended up getting high and making out. She decided to see where it went and to continue to hang out with him, cuddle and make-out. I was fine with this, although I felt a tab bit uneasy for some reason. She didn't know if she could handle having 3 partners (I should note that neither me, her other partner or this new guy are dating anyone else but her) I met him and he seems nice enough, although a lot older than both me and her. Yesterday she told me that the night before she and this new friend had stayed up all night talking about sex, and ended by mutual masturbation and naked cuddling. I don't know why but this was like a punch in the stomach. I got completely depressed and ruined the time we were going to spend together basically by moping and being sad.

I'm having trouble figuring out why this new guy is bothering me much more than he other partner, who I've never really had any sort of envy/jealousy issue with. She did not cross any boundaries that had been agreed upon with her actions. The new guy seems really sexually open and kinky (which I am as well), and seems like a generally nice guy. I'm not sure if I've given enough information for anyone to give any good advice, but is this maybe a sign that a poly relationship isn't for me, or is it something that may just die down once I get used to it? Her suggestion was that I should try and meet other people to possibly find myself another partner so I get more physical affection in general..

Sorry if that seems rambling, and I can answer any questions that might help explain the situation a bit better. Thanks so much!
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