Originally Posted by redevil
...Raised Mormon and by a controlling mother...
Can you move away, say 500 to 1000 miles? Close enough to visit for major holidays, but too far for a weekend trip. This would provide you with the independence that a relationship needs to establish itself firmly. It might save your marriage.
A controlling mother has ruined many a marriage. Quote Genesis: ...a man will leave his father and mother....
As for the counselors, do a search for kink aware professionals, and find a counselor who understands polyamory. There are professionals who will counsel by telephone, if you can't find one local.