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  #11  
Old 09-04-2009, 06:37 PM
DarkHorseJ27 DarkHorseJ27 is offline
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The sexual abuse question would piss me off to no end. At that point the conversation would be over and they would not hear from me for a long time.

First, being poly has absolutely nothing to do with sexual abuse. Not by a leap of the imagination.

Second, being a victim of molestation as a child, I would never put any child in a situation in which I thought there would be an increased risk of that.
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  #12  
Old 09-04-2009, 07:50 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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You did good Redpepper! That must have been very hard.

I will say what you said to me in an earlier thread: keep at it! you are on the right path!
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  #13  
Old 09-04-2009, 08:01 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

I put that to my Mum that perhaps she might be jealous. She was infuriated even more. Most of the time we were together was taken up with what happened after I asked that question... in that she went on about her horrible life and how disappointed she is in it.
CLASSIC, textbook case of the J-word. I know you know that.

I totally understand about the concern with Mono vs. pedophile. It is one of those things where if they were worried about it, best they SAY something and give RP the chance to explain it. I think everyone did good in that way.

And, I totally understood from the original post that RP's parents were concerned about this BEFORE they found out Mono was her boyfriend, not BECAUSE they found out he's her BF.

My expert opinion is that things will probably settle back to whatever the status quo was before the shit hit the fan. That means don't expect RP's parents to be picnicking with Mono anytime soon.
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  #14  
Old 09-05-2009, 01:12 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
don't expect RP's parents to be picnicking with Mono anytime soon.
The sad thing is we have already all gone camping together, had suppers together and worked together on thier holiday property before coming out. I was basically part of thier family before this.
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  #15  
Old 09-05-2009, 03:08 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
The sad thing is we have already all gone camping together, had suppers together and worked together on thier holiday property before coming out. I was basically part of thier family before this.
You are right, that is very sad. I forgot that you talked about that before.

It's amazing how people can act one way to your face and you never know what's really going on in their minds.
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  #16  
Old 09-05-2009, 03:53 AM
Karelia Karelia is offline
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When my husband told his mother about our gf, via email, she promptly called him and said, "So, Kari's a lesbian?" He said, "no, she's bisexual." She then said, "I thought you and Kari were supposedly so happy. So, why this?" He was pissed, and hung up on her (it is worth noting that they have a tumultuous relationship at best - and he's always believed that he'd cut her off at some point after his father died, which happened, sadly, last fall).

She then replied to his email with an email so hurtful and vicious, he wouldn't even allow me to read all of it. What he did sum up was that she said, obviously he's miserable with me and so she'd help him buy his way out of the marriage. She also told him his father wouldn't be proud of him because of this (so not true - his father was only interested in his son's happiness).

Needless to say, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. She gets her sister to call and leave guilt trip messages all the time. It's horrible, and my heart breaks for him because he said to her in the email that he wanted to be able to tell her about this because it was something major for him, made him happy and after all the hardship of the last year (with his dad dying), it was such a nice thing to have that sort of happiness. She didn't have to agree with him, but did she have to attack our marriage (she's always hated me, btw)?

With my parents, it was easier. My mother and I also don't have a great relationship, and there was much drama last summer that resulted in me basically refusing to share ANY of my personal life with her. So, basically I said to her, look, this is something I am going to share with you, after all that's happened, I hope you'll know better than to criticize me. She, unlike my mother-in-law, is not prepared to jeopardize my talking to her (she needs me for various reasons), and so she bit her tongue. It was done loudly... meaning I could hear "concern" in her tone, but she has never criticized our decision.

My father is a former hippie. He's happy if I'm happy. My relationship with him isn't easy, but he's also not one to judge this sort of thing. If it works for me, it's fine by him.

My teenage sister says that if I'm lucky enough to have two people love me this way, she's happy for me, and maybe a bit jealous (especially now that she's pregnant and the baby's father is an ass - to be nice about it). She actually asked me questions that surprised me... things about jealousy and the like. But she was extremely accepting and mature, and can't wait to meet our gf (she lives across the country, so it may be a while).

As for friends, most have the "it wouldn't work for me, but if it makes you happy, good for you" mentality. A few have pulled away from me a bit, but not actually criticized or condemned the relationship, and only one had the sort of attitude similar to my mother-in-law, but in a much nicer way.
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  #17  
Old 09-06-2009, 11:33 PM
Libre2Love Libre2Love is offline
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Thank you Redpepper, for sharing this. I'm just at the beginning stages of a possible poly-relationship and it's nice to read about what the future may hold for us, should we choose to 'come out'. That is thinking way, far into the future but I always like to ponder things from all perspectives.
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  #18  
Old 09-09-2009, 04:20 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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RP, Mono, sorry to hear of the upset, but I get it from your family's point of view.

They are concerned and confused and obviously toting some heavy baggage of their own. Especially your mom, RP. Is it any wonder they reacted the way they did? I think not. Unfortunately Mono, while you felt you were participating in everything with RP's family as an equal family member, they never viewed it as such, because they can't conceive of the notion or the happiness it brings you three.

This was what I touched about in an earlier thread about some sort of National Coming Out Day for Poly that some of our forum people wanted. Why? For what? The public/society in general barely grasps the gay/lesbian topic after 40 years of it being hammered home to everyone in every possible media form (no pun intended).....the poly life may take 200 years to even begin to be understood by the masses. Does it really matter, or should we just all go on leading our own happy little lives?

If people love you and care about your happiness, they'll find a way for themselves to understand and embrace it and your happiness. If they can't, so what? It's your life and your happiness. The days of doing what the Church drilled into you (again no pun intended) or society expected, should be over if you are solid in your own convictions as a family unit, IMO.
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  #19  
Old 09-09-2009, 06:13 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
Unfortunately Mono, while you felt you were participating in everything with RP's family as an equal family member, they never viewed it as such, .
Honestly Mark, I would never elevate myself to "equal family member" the same as I will never elevate myself to the level of relationship or influence that Redpepper's husband has in her life. I am traditionally inclined to not allow myself that. This doesn't bother me at all and in fact is part of why we all work together so well IMO.

I hold her primary relationship and family above myself. I often find it difficult to understand the need of "secondaries" welcomed into established relationships to be considered equal or resenting the term "secondary".

Ultimately there are three people who's opinion has influence on my involvement with Redpepper's family....Redpepper, her husband and thier son. Outside of that, no one has sway over me. We will get through this. I don't need acceptance from any one but the three of them.
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  #20  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:21 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Agreed, Mono....continued good luck and good loving!
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