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  #11  
Old 09-07-2009, 08:04 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default Miranda is a lesbian?

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Originally Posted by DarkHorseJ27 View Post

She works at a webcam girls site. A few weeks ago a woman named Miranda wandered into her room. Miranda is a lesbian.
....

I've always been one to try to be ahead of the curve, so I'm trying to look ahead for any bumps in the road.

So, anything I need to watch out for? Any advice in general? Thanks!
I'll just go ahead and ask if this was miswritten or if Miranda is a lesbian. I'd watch out for that, if that's how it is. Bad news for you, my friend.
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  #12  
Old 09-07-2009, 08:11 PM
DarkHorseJ27 DarkHorseJ27 is offline
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I'll just go ahead and ask if this was miswritten or if Miranda is a lesbian. I'd watch out for that, if that's how it is. Bad news for you, my friend.
Yes, she is a lesbian. She has only been with women, and until now, has never been attracted to men.

When I saw her chatting to my wife, I checked out her profile. She had a pic, and I said that I thought she was pretty. She already knew I am Lissy's husband. She then looked at my profile, and was surprised to find herself attracted to me. I was quite flattered when I found this out.

Since then she has been flirting with both me and my wife. She has also been getting very curious about the male body and asking all sorts of questions, lol.
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  #13  
Old 09-07-2009, 09:45 PM
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She might be bi -- with her hetero-attraction having been burried a while. Hopefully, she's honest!
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  #14  
Old 09-07-2009, 09:52 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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A person's sexuality is never set in stone...
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  #15  
Old 09-07-2009, 10:17 PM
Karelia Karelia is offline
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My husband and I were in your position this past March. We met someone online, never in a million years imagined it to be more than a virtual fling, and then wound up falling in love with her.

You mentioned that your wife has had insecurities in the past. Speaking from my own experiences, even if these issues seem not to be in play so far with Miranda, they may crop up. You may say something - something not at all meant to be hurtful - that triggers one of those issues for Lissy.

Such was the case with my husband. He said something that really shouldn't have bothered me, but it triggered some bad memories from very early on in our relationship that caused me some doubts about myself (these things were almost entirely sexual insecurities).

Without knowing your wife, your girlfriend or the circumstances that surround her insecurities, all I can say is... be prepared to face that. You may have some of your own you don't expect, also. It's happened to my husband, though his have all been regarding our girlfriend independently of me (in other words, it's not really about me and her, just about her).

What I have learned in the six months I've been doing this is that it is extremely rewarding to open your heart to someone new... but it is not without its challenges, and they are very unique ones when it comes to three people. You are going from one relationship to four (you/Lissy, Lissy/Miranda, Miranda/Lissy and all of You). Each of those relationships need to be nurtured and allowed to grow, and always remember that the foundation for that All of You is the relationship you and your wife share. It needs to be as strong, if not stronger, or the other relationships will suffer.

I can honestly say that, despite the challenges and struggles, my relationship with my husband is better than it has ever been... and my love for him is deeper than it was before we met our girlfriend.

Even if our darkest moments, I am happy we did this... and believe it will work out. I also believe, though, that it will take time and effort to get us there... but then again, my husband and I have had an effortless relationship for the past six or seven years because of the work we put into it in the first three to four years.

Good luck to you all.

~Kari
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  #16  
Old 09-07-2009, 10:21 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Speaking as someone who is the outsider coming into a relationship with a couple, keep in mind that when these issues arise, it can be very hard on the third and ultimately that person stands to lose the most if things end up not working out.

This is a good reason for trying to sort that stuff out before bringing another heart into it.
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  #17  
Old 09-07-2009, 10:22 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Quote:
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A person's sexuality is never set in stone...

Word.
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  #18  
Old 09-08-2009, 01:17 AM
Karelia Karelia is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Speaking as someone who is the outsider coming into a relationship with a couple, keep in mind that when these issues arise, it can be very hard on the third and ultimately that person stands to lose the most if things end up not working out.

This is a good reason for trying to sort that stuff out before bringing another heart into it.
I agree... in our case, everyone new about my issues. What we didn't know was that I would spend six weeks crazy out of my mind thanks to a nasty side effect of a drug I was on to help fibromyalgia... or that to compound that, my thyroid would act up. If not for the timing on that, I believe her early weeks living with us would've been a lot smoother... but then again, she has some issues of her own she needs to work out, and I think my problems sort of made hers invisible. Now that my head is much better, we're seeing more of those issues.

What I thought of most in the early days was that if my problems caused her to want to leave or him to decide it wasn't worth risking our marriage, a) she'd have given up a lot to be with us only to be back where she was, and completely alone and b) I'd have taken them away from each other, which would've crushed me. I was so screwed up at the time that I failed to see that she wouldn't want to lose me, either and I wouldn't want to lose her. But there is no doubt that the third coming into what had been two has the most to lose in nearly every situation.

Everyone has baggage. I don't care how well-adjusted you are, or how amazing your marriage is, there's always baggage. Some you share as a couple, and some is individual. When a third person enters with his or her own baggage, it's going to cause some issues to be stirred up... it's got to be the rare case where that doesn't happen.

If you are patient, there is enough love, and you all want it badly enough and work for it as a triple, as couples within the triad and as individuals, I believe you can work through these things.

Last edited by Karelia; 09-08-2009 at 01:23 AM. Reason: missed a point
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  #19  
Old 10-04-2009, 04:50 PM
jryyc1 jryyc1 is offline
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Originally Posted by River View Post
Darkhorse,


But I said this was to be a personal statement, so here goes.: I'm essentially married, though not legally married. (My state doesn't allow two men or women to marry each other; and I'm a guy essentially married to my male partner, Kevin.) Here's the personal part. Kevin & I have been a couple for roughly thirteen years. It's been a long time since our first kiss, and our first "sleeping together".... I'd like to stay with Kevin indefinitely; but I'd like not to have this mean the end to first kisses, etc. I simply don't want an end to "romantic" adventures -- and some of these may be with Kevin, but some may be with others...

...

Another advantage is that Kevin & I can openly discuss our attraction to others, without much fear that this will be taken to mean that we're less interested in each other.: We know that love or attraction doesn't work like apple pie does. Kevin doesn't get less of my affection when I share it with others -- but often gets even more! And vice versa. Love grows by addition, rather than shrinking...

Another advantage, if ever I should have a second committed partner, aside from Kevin, I'd not be left entirely alone if one or the other should either pass away or move on. ....
Thanks for all that River--I realize this is not the thread you expect to see me on, but some how I stumbled in! Doing ok here, btw. Did you get my off-site email?
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  #20  
Old 10-04-2009, 10:30 PM
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.... Doing ok here, btw. Did you get my off-site email?
Glad to hear things are at least "ok". Yes, I did receive your email, and sorry for not writing a response, yet. I'll get to it soon. Been busy.
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