Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-06-2011, 05:22 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,076
Default Just LR

One of the most meaningful things anyone has ever said to me was to tell me,
"You aren't weird, or odd or bizarre. You are JUST L.R."

It was a real life conversation, so he actually used my real name. BUT-the point is the same. He didn't judge the aspects of who I am as good/bad, weird/normal, odd/common etc. He just accepted implicitly that all the things that I am, are just ME.

I cried when he said that to me.

I cried because it was the one thing I've longed for my whole life-someone to JUST accept me for who I am without judging what it means that I am who I am.

I cried because it was something I knew (at one time) I had from him; but I thought that had changed when I had my oldest daughter-out of wedlock, as a teen in highschool still. But-I was wrong. I'm glad I was.

That happened just recently-near Christmas I think.

THAT is why I titled this thread "Just LR". Because the most important thing for me is to know that IT IS OK for me to JUST BE ME. I haven't always thought it was, in fact I usually don't think it is and I spend a lot of time either defending the fact that I am who I am or trying to be something I'm not so people will stop condemning me. Neither thing works well for me. Both make me feel like a failure.

It's past time for ME to accept that I am JUST LR and that I should be proud of that. It's not that I can't be a BETTER LR. But I can't be Ariakas or Mono or RP or RC or Maca's dream woman or GG's dream woman or anyone else. I can only be LR and I can only aspire to being a better LR.
AND
That's ok.

So, that's why I named the thread Just LR; why am I writing it at all?

I've pretty much only had threads on here that address a given moment, experience, issue or topic.

So it's hard for me to track "progress" through my posts, because they are scattered all over hell and back.

I thought-just maybe if I take a hint from all of you bright folks, I could put some of the "milestone" moments into one thread and that way when "the going gets tough" as it's bound to do over and over-
I have one simply spot to go to look at the milestones I've already passed.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-06-2011, 05:27 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,076
Default

Today was the first day I went on a date with GG, without asking Maca's permission.

Now, I wasn't RUDE or secretive. I did tell him I was leaving, where I was going etc.
It's just that I always ask him if it's ok. I always ask his permission.
He hasn't really said I HAVE to-but I always have and it's always bothered me.

Today-I just didn't.

He didn't freak out or anything. He told me to have fun. He stayed home, made dinner for him and the kids, watched a movie, wrote to you all, read some more of the Non-Violent Communication book.

I had a good talk with GG. It was relaxing and we both came back re-energized and in good spirits. Maca was doing ok emotionally. Nothing about the nightmare of his week is gone, but he wasn't worse just because I went out with GG.

He did hurt himself (arm) while we were gone, nothing serious.... I felt bad, he was having an issue opening a door. It could have happened even if I WERE here and he certainly wasn't blaming me or trying to make me feel guilty when he told me about it.

All in all-I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of him too.

I feel like that was a major milestone for me.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-06-2011, 05:50 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Great idea, LR. I'm glad you thought of it, a thread to record milestones and whatnot. Great idea.

And, not that I think my opinion matters much, but O my dear! Being "just LR" is plenty and then some. You are Loving Radiance.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-06-2011, 05:54 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,076
Default

Thank you Fidelia.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-07-2011, 09:02 PM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 180
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
One of the most meaningful things anyone has ever said to me was to tell me,
"You aren't weird, or odd or bizarre. You are JUST L.R."
That's a great thing to hear !

A few years ago my therapist said to me "You've really got to get over your insane desire to be - normal. You're not normal, you're not normal at all - You're different and that's ok"

So, "You're not normal" is perhaps a little confronting when coming from your therapist...probably the 3 words you really don't want to hear from a therapist...

But, of course - It's about accepting..

I'm also happy to see milestones celebrated - What can seem like small successes and wins really should be given more value in general, it can be easy to overlook them amongst general life.

Great strategy !
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-08-2011, 10:22 AM
Breathesgirl's Avatar
Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 834
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
.

I'm also happy to see milestones celebrated - What can seem like small successes and wins really should be given more value in general, it can be easy to overlook them amongst general life.

Great strategy !
It is indeed .

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" applies in a lot of different places in our lives. It's those baby steps that enable us to eventually accomplish the 'big' picture. It's also those baby steps that let us start the journey, make the 'smaller' milestones and successes and get over some of the speed bumps in the journey.
__________________
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-08-2011, 05:15 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,868
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
It's past time for ME to accept that I am JUST LR and that I should be proud of that. It's not that I can't be a BETTER LR. But I can't be Ariakas or Mono or RP or RC or Maca's dream woman or GG's dream woman or anyone else. I can only be LR and I can only aspire to being a better LR.
AND
That's ok.
Thats awesome, and I think all of us can learn from this. I blame myself for everything happening in my life. I shoulder the entire relationship breaking down myself. Its a hard road to believe we can always fix ourselves so that things can work better....

Its an impossible road...

Confidence, from accepting ones own self completely is the most attractive thing a person can do...

I write that with ease... living it... *sigh*... not so much. Keep being yourself LR, you will be the dream woman you want to be

Quote:
I thought-just maybe if I take a hint from all of you bright folks, I could put some of the "milestone" moments into one thread and that way when "the going gets tough" as it's bound to do over and over-
I have one simply spot to go to look at the milestones I've already passed.
Interesting idea. An LR synopsis. Isn't this how memory works. Those key points that really meant something stick to the inside of your brain.

Nice thread LR...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-09-2011, 12:08 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,076
Default

In theory that's how memory works.

But, I noticed in October that Maca commonly remembers only the negative things that happen in his life. It became undeniably obvious when I started logging the positives. Something negative would happen and then we would talk, he could not remember any of the things I was referencing-and yet IN THOSE MOMENTS he had expressed how great they were!

So, for Christmas I bought him a journal to write ONLY the good things in. That way, when the shit hits the fan, which is always will, he can go back and read all of the little things that went right, that he didn't preserve in his memory.
Unfortunately-it doesn't get written in a lot.

AT ANY RATE, I'm reading a lot, working on learning and figuring out some things about myself and hopefully will have more to write on here asap.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-09-2011, 12:15 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,094
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
. . . I bought him a journal to write ONLY the good things in.
Great idea! I might have to do that for myself. I used to do something similar a few years ago, I think it was every night before I go to bed, make a list of ten good things that happened that day, or ten things to be thankful for -- I wish I could recall what it was. But it does seem to help one's outlook and frame of mind to count their blessings.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-09-2011, 12:26 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,076
Default

Very true nyc-
it always seems to help to focus on the positive.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
commitment, family oriented, love, lovingradiance, progress, v formation, vee dynamics

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:31 AM.