A monkey wrench...
Well, as soon as I decide to post an introduction of myself to everyone and share a bit about my interest in polyamory based on a new love in our lives, a monkey wrench gets thrown in. Our new love, W, has four children all under the age of 12 and his ex has suddenly decided that she wants him back. They've been separated for two years and on the path to divorce and because of his immense love for his children, he's actually considering it. I'm so sad about this but I cannot blame him for wanting to be with his children. What is really sad, for him, is that he's willing to sacrifice his happiness to be with his kids. I truly admire that because I grew up with divorced parents and my father wasn't the most active in my life. He was there but not fully. For W to feel the need to reconcile is understandable. He's so sensitive to the needs of his children and it actually pains him every time he has to take them home from their every-other-weekend visit.
Yet, as much as I admire him for contemplating this, it hurts me. It even hurts my husband because we have both opened our hearts to him. The little time weíve known him he has worked his way into our hearts and lives more than we could have imagined. But, itís a wonderful feeling to know that my hubby and I are open and honest enough with one another and how we feel to admit that we love W. Maybe itís differently, from each of our perspectives, but we both do love him. We enjoy his company, his laughter, his mind, his touch. I want to respect his decision, should he decide to go back to her, but I canít help but be sad at the thought of possibly losing him. Iíve vowed to support him and whatever decision he makes. Maybe because I know that the children come first. I am a product of divorced parents and I recall the need, as a child, to have both my parents involved in my life. I rarely got that, but I wanted it more than anything. Because of that, I have no choice but to support him, especially if he decides to reconcile with his ex. It doesnít mean I wonít hurt, though.