Is it poly??

[packman43]

My wife and I have begun a realtionship with another married couple. It is strictly heterosexual when it comes to sex. There is much more to the realtionships than sex. We are all very good friends. This is new to all of us and I was just wondering if this is considered poly or something else. We don't get together often as we live in different cities. Just curious.

[River]

If there is love and transparency and honesty, sure, it's polyamory. Poly = mutiple; amory = love ... thus, multiple loves/loving.

If it's just about sex (and you say it isn't) then it is missing the amory part, and thus wouldn't be polyamory.

[packman43]

Nope. Much more than just sex. That is a secondary aspect of the relationships. thanks for the reply.

[Fidelia]

According to the Poly Language Page at polyamorysociety.org,

Polyamory n : is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional multipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory

So comparing your description to the definition I say yep, sounds poly to me.

[XYZ123]

I'd say it's poly.

[packman43]

I must admit we never EVER thought we would go anywhere like this. It just seemed to happen at the right time for all of us. There was much discussion about all issues and/or problems that could arise in such relationships. Not only is the physical part wonderful, but it has given all of us great friendships which we feel will last for years to come. Much to my surprise it has even strengthened the bond between my spouse and myself. Who knew??

[redpepper]

It's weird that "strengthening the bond between spouses" thing. What is that all about anyway? how does that work? Why does it work?

Yes, sounds like poly.

You don't have to be bi to be poly. You can be straight.

[River]

Originally Posted by packman43

Much to my surprise it has even strengthened the bond between my spouse and myself. Who knew??

My partner of thirteen years and I have had the same experience. We found ourselves growing closer and more loving when there were other involvements. And, as I understand it, this is quite a common experience with folks who open up to polyamory -- which totally contradicts the expectations of most monogamous folks!

[River]

Originally Posted by redpepper

It's weird that "strengthening the bond between spouses" thing. What is that all about anyway? how does that work? Why does it work?

I suspect there are many, many facets involved. I can identify some of the facets, but expect there are some I never thought about.

Facets:

Love-producing joy (and vice versa)...

(1) resulting from the mutual realization that our explorations into other loves won't be taken as -- and is not -- a diminishment of love between us.

(2) resulting from the mutual knowledge that we are loved, supported, and free in being and exploring ourselves and others.

(3) in mutually discovering that love is not a box with a lid on it, nor a sort of open air prison.

(4) in mutually knowing that we don't have to choose between life as a continuing adventure or life as the comfort of the established and familiar.

(5) in the mutual knowledge that possessive jealousy isn't an indicator of genuine love, and can be happily dispensed with.

I could go on and on, but I'd rather read other folks' "facets".

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by JRiverMartin

I suspect there are many, many facets involved. I can identify some of the facets, but expect there are some I never thought about.

Facets:


(1) resulting from the mutual realization that our explorations into other loves won't be taken as -- and is not -- a diminishment of love between us.

.

The important thing to keep in mind is it does take a certain type of person to achieve this closeness through openness.
Not everyone will be brought closer together but it is a wonderful alternative to losing relationships due to seeking affairs to meet needs.