Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 09-06-2009, 06:47 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,099
Default

Very carefully.

I'm pretty much emotionally androgynous, and I enjoy cooking and other supposedly "feminine" persuits/things (e.g., poetry, flowers, butterflies). But I grew up cutting down trees and splitting them for firewood--to heat my house, hiking and backpaking and fishing ... and long hard sweaty bicycle rides.... I shot rifles (at beer cans), chewed tobacco for a while (no longer) and even had a stint as a wildland firefigher. Very manly stuff!

I only swish just a little when I walk, and almost never say "Oh, you go GIRL!"
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog

Last edited by River; 09-06-2009 at 06:49 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 09-06-2009, 06:55 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369
Default

LMAO

I'm not talking REALITY here. I'm talking PORTRAYAL of the gay/bi man. Look at TV, movies, magazines, porn...etc. They're just not portrayed as "manly". I don't care if there are more masculine and more feminine men as sexuality and personality run the gamut. But you never see the manly gay man in pop culture.

My husband cooks, writes poetry, dances, does the shopping, and likes small furry animals. He melts at puppies and babies. And I wouldn't have it any other way. He isn't into other men, but if he were I'd happily support him. I still wouldn't want to watch though. Just not a preference.
__________________
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 09-06-2009, 08:33 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,099
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
But you never see the manly gay man in pop culture.
Even the very idea of "manly" comes to us refracted through the prism of "pop culture" -- of various vintages, since it changes over time. But, yes, we seldom see gay/bi men in pop culture (books, films, radio, magazines...) which aren't at least somewhat steriotypical faggots (i.e., somewhat "swishy" and speaking with a lisp or feminine manerisms...). Well, we seldom even hear of bi men in popular culture, at all -- which may be why many people steadfastly assume that we don't really exist.

(I had a friend who knew me when I was with my first love -- a man -- and while I had my first real girl friend, after the great breakup. He thought that I was seeing this gal in order to get some sort of hetero street cred, or something. He told me that bisexuality doesn't really exist; one is either gay or straight. Period. And this man had a college degree -- in biology. He was smart. But blind as a bat.)
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 09-06-2009, 09:05 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
Even the very idea of "manly" comes to us refracted through the prism of "pop culture" -- of various vintages, since it changes over time.
How true.

You have a friend who doesn't "believe in" bisexuality? That's just so weird to me. I can't wrap my mind around NOT believing in it. But then, I believe in unicorns and centaurs (that would be my vote for the HBG-hot bi guy) as well.
__________________
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 09-06-2009, 09:36 PM
Rarechild's Avatar
Rarechild Rarechild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
He told me that bisexuality doesn't really exist; one is either gay or straight. Period. And this man had a college degree -- in biology. He was smart. But blind as a bat.)
"Heterosexual street cred"- hilarious.

I believe the exact opposite of your friend- I believe that all humans are bisexual- just a matter of (oversimplyfying) circumstances.
__________________
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan


I love Catfish and Charlie.
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 09-07-2009, 01:21 AM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,099
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
I believe that all humans are bisexual- just a matter of (oversimplyfying) circumstances.
I agree. That is, I think we all exist somewhere on a bisexual spectrum. Many people have very, very little same-sex attraction. Others have a great deal. But we're all on the spectrum, somewhere. Most are closer to the middle of the spectrum than most of us imagine. But, of course, not all are conscious of that which is repressed!
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 09-07-2009, 01:21 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
After careful examination of the "flow chart" linked to in post 17 [http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...&postcount=17], I've decided that either (a) the author of that flow chart is decidedly NOT a polyamorist or (b) the author of the flow chart is simply cracking a joke about people who are not polyamorists and yet pretend to be polyamorists.
I'd say that flowchart is spot on. Unicorn hunters are couples looking for a single (unattached to anybody), bi babe, who is looking to hook up with a couple (equally to each, mind you), and have no interest in anybody else, usually while being more of a marital accessory or marital aid than actual living, breathing, equal partner.

There are lots of triads to be found. Most of those did not involve unicorn hunting, however. The triad came together without the couple necessarily looking for a unicorn or the other woman necessarily looking for a couple, things just worked out that way. (So, just because a woman joined an existing couple doesn't make her a unicorn.)

The flowchart describes accurately what I've seen in many different places. So many couples declare they want to try out polyamory, but only if they can find a unicorn--there's no allowance for the wife finding a girlfriend who doesn't hit it off with him, or the husband finding a girlfriend who doesn't hook up with her, or for a woman interested in both of them who also happens to be involved with others. Far too many of them do expect that the girlfriend would essentially be a live-in maid or nanny. It's ugly and dysfunctional...but that's the way it is.

Now, most unicorn hunters seem to figure out the lay of the land quickly and realize there aren't many women just waiting for a perfect couple to come along. Some never do. We're just like any other segment of society--some of us are just really dysfunctional. You can try to label those dysfunctional folk as "not real polyamorists" and then you only sound like the people who claims others aren't "real Christians" and so forth. They're poly--dysfunctional, yes, though still poly.

When unicorn hunters do find unicorns and the triad works well, with everybody accorded equal status...well, that sort of thing would warm my heart, anyway (and if it wouldn't warm yours, you're a heartless philistine!). I've not met any such triad, to date. None of the triads I've met involved unicorn hunting or a unicorn, the triad just fell together without planning.

Sheesh! That just gushed out...I'm just so chatty right now.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 09-07-2009, 01:24 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
So it could be a married woman that is involved with a couple?

sorry for the confusion, but I am just realizing that I might once have been a unicorn if the definition fits for married women.

A fawn, thanks Vandalin.... yes, I guess they do live for the moment don't they... hmmm.... swinger definition maybe...
No. A unicorn has to be single and looking to join a couple on only that couple.

A married woman can not be a unicorn. A woman dating anybody other than the couple is not a unicorn.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 09-07-2009, 03:18 AM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369
Default

I don't see unicorn hunting as such a terrible activity. If they want to hunt, let them hunt. If a unicorn doesn't want to be found she won't be. But then, I don't hunt myself. I find if you search you miss so much that doesn't fall into your exact specifications but could work wonderfully anyway. I must contend one point though. If I were to find a gf she MUST "hit it off" with my husband. And my children (not in a nanny sense). I don't mean sex and falling in love, but there needs to be a good relationship. After all, I am inviting this woman into my life, my WHOLE life and I'm not going to bring anyone in who's presence causes drama and tension or distance between me and my family or whom my family causes me grief about.
__________________
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 04-23-2010, 01:23 PM
Slip's Avatar
Slip Slip is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the south
Posts: 21
Default Unicorns?

I had never heard the term unicorn (used in poly context) till I found this forum. I suppose I'm really fortunate because I've had three unicorns in my life in the past 12 years. Each different and very unique. But I didn't realize they were so hard to find (i.e., mythical).
My theory is that so many women are waiting longer to have babies and marriages that the poly relationships afford them the connections without the worry. But I guess I was wrong.
I really love women. I love the way they are passionate, complex and unique. I have never been with two men at once. It was just never part of my desires, even though the offer has been there. Who knows? Maybe that's my unicorn?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:49 AM.