Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #101  
Old 02-01-2011, 02:09 AM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 622
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
do we really want to live our lives as if "poly," "mono," "dominant," "submissive," "gay," "straight," "bisexual," "introvert," "extrovert," "old," "young," "male," "female," and whatever else we can dream up describes the totality of our being? Fuck, no! Human nature is fluid, not rigid.
exactly!!
Reply With Quote
  #102  
Old 02-01-2011, 07:01 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

That's awesome Sage, I'm happy for you. May this new identity/description of yourself suit you well... Agreeing with AT also.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #103  
Old 02-01-2011, 04:53 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Labels have their place...on cans! Without them you risk many mystery meals Labels are not for people unless they chose to give them to themselves.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #104  
Old 02-01-2011, 06:48 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
Default

Labels can help. In times of turmoil. They give you a place to stand. If you don't have a label, or confidence. It can be tough to live in the void.

Of course...if you can find a mutually agreed upon place to stand, without labels. That suits the parties involved it can be a nice place. But there needs to be an inner confidence about the overall .. love.

I like labels...but can learn to live without them, as long as I have solid ground to work with. Is this a false way to look at it. Sure, in the end labels mean shit...the don't hold things together and aren't gel. But they can sure be settling at times.

Labels are their own enigma. My opinion on them, like all things is ever changing.
Reply With Quote
  #105  
Old 02-01-2011, 06:58 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,668
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Do we really want to live our lives as if "poly," "mono," "dominant," "submissive," "gay," "straight," "bisexual," "introvert," "extrovert," "old," "young," "male," "female," and whatever else we can dream up describes the totality of our being? Fuck, no!

Take out the mono and straight bit and I am all of the above at once! hehe
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #106  
Old 02-01-2011, 09:37 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,307
Default Cranky dyke

I've been mulling over this labeling business recently. I've been contentedly self-labeling as lesbian for 15 years. However, once I began dating SW, my male FWB, I was automatically moved from the lesbian side of the board to the bisexual side in the minds of many people I knew, even though I've been quite open that I still see myself as lesbian. (I put it as amending my dyke card, not throwing it away!)

I guess to many people, even my queer/queer friendly friends, lesbian meant no sex with men, ever, even though most lesbians at some point have had sex with men (including after they come out). I've always understood my sexuality to be fluid so this response from others is profoundly frustrating to me. It takes away my agency to ID myself in ways that make sense to me.

I hope that this is not interpreted as anti-bisexual. Bisexuality is not the problem. It is entirely possible I will evolve into identifying as bi or pansexual (I see definite leanings towards pan in myself) at some point. However, suddenly I seem to be back in grade school where the slightest touch of male cooties makes one contaminated.
Reply With Quote
  #107  
Old 02-01-2011, 10:02 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,255
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Labels can help. In times of turmoil. They give you a place to stand. If you don't have a label, or confidence. It can be tough to live in the void . . . Sure, in the end labels mean shit...the don't hold things together and aren't gel. But they can sure be settling at times.
I agree. Maybe I should clarify... I don't object to having or needing labels. What I find problematic is "hiding" behind a label, or assuming things about yourself or someone else because of a label. I see it in NYC so often, I guess, because the population is so diverse. People will make assumptions about you because of the neighborhood you live in or where you came from, as if they understand everything about who you are from that one little picture of you.

Labels are useful and can be very freeing. It's been said that when you give something a name, it no longer holds power over you. I do believe that. When something is no longer an unknown, we can deal with it and it isn't so scary. It becomes manageable. But it represents only a facet of who we are, and so many people forget that and stay stuck, myself included.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #108  
Old 02-02-2011, 02:53 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

I walk around with a mental labeler....it helps me arrange/sort people in my mind. I don't voice it, but I keep it secret...keep it safe

I am totally cool with labels being used for myself....as long as I agree with them LOL! If some one is trying to label me against my will I flip out inside and imagine Rob Zombie movies in my head
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #109  
Old 02-02-2011, 04:27 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I walk around with a mental labeler....it helps me arrange/sort people in my mind. I don't voice it, but I keep it secret...keep it safe
I'll have to watch for that labeling strip to come out of your ear
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #110  
Old 02-02-2011, 04:45 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,255
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I'll have to watch for that labeling strip to come out of your ear
What makes you think it's his ear?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:21 PM.