Originally Posted by redpepper
I became an unprimary when my wife and I were poly. PN became primary after a time... really now, I wouldn't of defined it as such... she is just as important as she ever was. Our marriage ended, but my love for her didn't change... her involvement in my life changed, but when I think of her now... thousands of miles away, having not talked to her since Christmas, I feel the same as I did 15 years ago... perhaps even more love. The kind that of love that grows with time and experiences together.
I don't have primaries in the sense of hierarchy. Mono is not financially bonded to me or bonded to me in terms of a child, but he is just as important as PN... in time and in experience, the loves in my life become more and more primary... the time I spend with them is not indicative of status either after a time... there is old love and new love and differences in personality... that's it.
RP thanks... I guess in theory hierarchy doesn't have to exist but again, I put almost 20yrs in and to think some fling of 6-7 months is equal is hard to get my head around. When you speak of your ex-wife and your love I think that's how a lot people feel about ex-spouses or ex-partners however it would be hard not to give someone in a current relationship somewhat different status. You stated how you see your relationships and their status for lack of a better word, or their equalness. How would they describe the same situation?? Is this area in which each person may have his or her own take on it?? You mentioned ex-wife, pn, mono how do you describe the others? How did you become un-primary? Did you ask for such a change or was is the nature of a relationship in decline or one of you finding someone new? Thanks D