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  #91  
Old 08-30-2010, 09:01 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Default So what is "QUEER"???

Because there was a party I was dying to go to. Waiting to go to. And then they announced it as for people who are .... (a long list of things plus) QUEER ID'd bisexuals.

QUEER ID'D??? WTF is that?

I used to identify as bisexual. I currently identify as pansexual. I have never identified as "queer"

If you're on fetlife - go to the Canadian Mayhem Group and its the October party.... I dunno what to think or if I'd be welcome there???

*sigh*
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  #92  
Old 08-30-2010, 09:04 PM
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Is this the conflict Ari was referring to? How narrow is their def of queer? I think of myself as very queer indeed, both in ID and preference. But mileage varies.
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  #93  
Old 08-30-2010, 09:15 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Is this the conflict Ari was referring to? How narrow is their def of queer? I think of myself as very queer indeed, both in ID and preference. But mileage varies.
Thats one of them. There was also a massive debate with another group about what queer included.

I like your definition btw...far easier to understand haha
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  #94  
Old 08-30-2010, 09:41 PM
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To me, if a queer space isn't a trans-friendly place, it aint queer.

But in much of the country, queer still just means a gay man.
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  #95  
Old 08-30-2010, 10:15 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
To me, if a queer space isn't a trans-friendly place, it aint queer.

.
I agree, Magdlyn. As Ari can attest too, our community is definitely trans-friendly and I certainly think people would consider our motley crew of diversity queer
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  #96  
Old 08-30-2010, 10:23 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I agree, Magdlyn. As Ari can attest too, our community is definitely trans-friendly and I certainly think people would consider our motley crew of diversity queer
Very much so... And I might add a very patient on too...
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  #97  
Old 01-31-2011, 11:56 PM
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Default Letting go of Labels and Identities.

When I started on this forum I was in heaven. I had found a label for myself "mono". That meant something to you guys and was far more acceptable to me than "victim" which was what I was being labelled as in my own world. I also put on another label which gave me comfort "primary". It was neat, I had other people who wore the same label I could talk to and understand where I was at. Then I began to carve out something of an identity for myself; first as a fast learner and then as a supporter of new monos and people in polymono relationships.

But I think labels and identities are only valuable if we use them as temporary structures that make it safe for us to come to terms with our lives so that we can move on to what is really authentically us.

I gave up the need to be "primary" ages ago but now I'm taking off my mono hat and replacing it with one that says "polyfriendly". The polyfriendly hat is useful in transition because at poly functions I keep getting "So you're the mono?" and if I say "No, not anymore," they might think it's open season. Just because I don't want to identify as Mono anymore doesn't mean I want to fill up my life with unimportant relationships.

So I guess in a way this is another "coming out". It's a bit scary given that I have a blog dedicated to monos in poly relationships. In a way it's a loss of identity, but who wants to be identified one way all their life, especially when its limiting or no longer serving you the way it did.
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  #98  
Old 02-01-2011, 02:02 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I have also been thinking about labels lately. I have always balked at being labeled, yet have also been guilty of labeling others. Labels are so limiting, and we simply cannot expect all of what is is for one to be human to fit inside whatever that label is. When we start labeling ourselves, we have to be vigilant in not giving in and believing the self-created hype that we must stay contained within the boundaries of that label, or that those labels really say anything at all about us. Do we really want to live our lives as if "poly," "mono," "dominant," "submissive," "gay," "straight," "bisexual," "introvert," "extrovert," "old," "young," "male," "female," and whatever else we can dream up describes the totality of our being? Fuck, no! Human nature is fluid, not rigid. And the most ridiculous part of it is when we get upset with ourselves for not living up to labels that were put in place for us, as if the label is our identity.

People have formed opinions about me, and I have bought into some of them myself. But all of who I am cannot possibly be encompassed by any of it, and it's all irrelevant in a way: I have been called a "white chick," "liberal," "Taurus," "over 30," "over 40," "high school drop-out," "college grad," "know-it-all," "highly sexual," "prudish," "bitch," "wife," "whore," "spirited," "lazy," and so on, and so on. And each person who viewed me as one or any of those only saw me through that filter and the filters through which they view themselves, so no one ever really gets to know me. Hell, I'm still getting to know me.

Sorry to ramble so, but it has been on my mind a lot lately, just the inadequacy of any kind of label and the audacity and ridiculousness of hiding behind one.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-01-2011 at 02:04 AM.
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  #99  
Old 02-01-2011, 02:05 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Congrats on finding a new part of yourself Sage.
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  #100  
Old 02-01-2011, 02:07 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
But I think labels and identities are only valuable if we use them as temporary structures that make it safe for us to come to terms with our lives so that we can move on to what is really authentically us.
Nah. Labels are useful as long as they describe the current situation. Use them for anything other than description and then they are less than useful.
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