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  #21  
Old 09-04-2009, 04:02 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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My heart breaks for you, precious one. My words are failing me. *Big hug*
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  #22  
Old 09-04-2009, 10:54 PM
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aussielover aussielover is offline
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Ooh Redpepper *HUGS* I'm sorry they took it so hard and in the way they expressed their concerns to you. Hopefully time will heal this too. From what I have read of your posts, you seem to be a very strong woman. I have every faith that you will come through this even stronger than before.
Wish I could give you a real hug.

You mentioned about the relationship being strong before saying anything. Those were our thoughts as well. I'm sure no one will be able to shake your family. And you do have a wonderful family with your husband, Mono and your son (again, from what I've heard).
Hopefully they will get over this sooner rather than later.
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  #23  
Old 09-05-2009, 03:54 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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I am sorry you are going through this Redpepper and Mono. I know it sucks to be so heavily judged by family.

Give it some time and let cooler heads prevail. Maybe it can work into grudging acceptance.

A knew a white girl who got pregnant by her black boyfriend (in southern USA). Her parents were angry and mad. Fast forward two years later and the parents love this guy and say they feel proud to have hom in the family. Sometimes they have to learn their prejudice was not right.

I tend to approach issues like this very analytically. They have to learn that this is not cheating. And they should recognize that Mono is taking nothing away. Would they behave as such if an uncle was staying at your house? Hopefully they can eventually appreciate that there is another adult to help watch over the child.

I wish you well in dealing with this.
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  #24  
Old 09-05-2009, 05:27 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Delayed reply given that I've been indisposed & cut-off from the board for a couple days...and that I needed to figure out how to put more than one word together for a post, since the former one L-word variety just didn't seem as appropriate here.

RP: I actually have nothing that I can offer which you probably don't already know. I have a card in my wallet some friends gave me some years ago with a picture of a boat crashing through some waves, and the caption "YOU CAN PLOW THROUGH ANYTHING". I suppose the other upshot is that now you no longer need to worry or speculate about what they'll say...and instead can focus on where the family is, and where it needs to go.

Mono: Your patience in this resembles that of a Saint given the accusations leveled by the GP's. The fact that it's logical and reasonable given the situation out of context, and the paranoia fed to us by the media notwithstanding...I expect there are very few people could take that kind of finger pointing in stride without breaking it and the arm it's attached to.

Can't resist...have to fit the L-word in somewhere...
I guess next time there's a family 'meeting'...everyone better bring there own *LUBE*!
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  #25  
Old 09-05-2009, 09:28 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
I expect there are very few people could take that kind of finger pointing in stride without breaking it and the arm it's attached to.
Because you and I have similar backgrounds, I completely understand this comment.

This is a part of her parents working through thier own issues. This is her family so I simply won't allow negative energy to cloud my actions and I will focus on bridging this gap between them. I am struggling with a bit of homewrecker syndrome but keep reminding myself that this is about how Redpepper has chosen to live her life and not specifically about me.... although it is easy to target me.

I know I am the right person to go through this with. I am committed to her and her family for life.

Trust me, I'm not always this understanding. If some one were to hurt Redpepper, her husband or son....my reaction would be much different.
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  #26  
Old 09-06-2009, 07:40 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Because you and I have similar backgrounds, I completely understand this comment.
I`m glad of that...wouldn`t want it taken as a literal suggestion, since in terms of helping the parents understand you and RP better...it would be, shall we say....counterproductive!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I know I am the right person to go through this with. I am committed to her and her family for life.
I don`t expect you`re having an easy time of it...but if anyone`s going to be able to hold fast through this...she chose well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Trust me, I'm not always this understanding. If some one were to hurt Redpepper, her husband or son....my reaction would be much different.
As you say...I completely understand this comment.
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  #27  
Old 09-09-2009, 04:56 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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So it's been a week and my parents and us are now just emailing back and forth. I have been heart broken, forcing myself to eat and breath. I hate this!

After our large fight it has turned into a request by my parents for us to sign off on some property that we co-own with them that is meant for us to go to as a family and enjoy together. Now that Mono is in our lives they figure he has some kind of say on how it is used. I don't see how it would be any different than other chosen family such as my ex girlfriend of 15 years. She has no say on what we do with that property, yet we consider her our family as we now consider Mono. Any close friends we bring there wouldn't have any say either... do they really think that Mono would have a legal right?

There has been a confession that perhaps they would think of me in a "V" more easily if I had chosen a women to have another relationship with. Interesting... not sure what that means.

We have managed at this point to at least be on speaking terms around them seeing our son. We have told them we won't deny them access to him and won't keep him from going over there. This is good as it means in his eyes there is nothing of significance going on.

Fortunately my brother took the news differently. He is working on his doctorate in behavioural biology and so saw the whole thing from the view point of human behaviour. Whatever gets him through I guess. At least he's rational and I actually learned something from him. He had a lot of questions that I did my best to answer, such as why we would chose a relationship rather than just having sex with others and how does my husband feel about it all.

My husbands mum rocked! She is totally fine as long as we are happy. She thought it makes total sense in this day and age of cheating and infidelity, the breaking down of families and what comes out of that for the next generation. She is re-married and thought she might of considered our life style had it been an option back then.

And so we muddle through and are managing....

Thanks for all the support and the private messages I am getting. You are all so very kind and I feel so loved.... that's what it's all about isn't it! I honestly feel very surrounded by love and very cared for. I am very fortunate and grateful. It amazes me how good the world can be when we all love each other and help each other through. It makes me feel like there is such hope for us all.
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  #28  
Old 09-11-2009, 02:39 AM
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Default It just takes time

I hurt for you RP. Our parents are of a different generation, and see things as black and white, very little shades of grey. As much as they love you, it is a blow to all they have been taught, and no matter how old you are they will think of this situation as something they have done wrong.

Having read many of your posts and threads, I know that these two men in your life, are your life. They are good for you, and you are good for them. You take strength from them and they take strength from you. Right now you need their strength, love and support.

Once your parents see with their own eyes that you are the same person you have always been, that your marriage hasn't changed, that your son is still healthy and happy, things could change. Give them time. The same time you have given those people in your life that didn't understand.

Yes it means more, hurts more because it's your parents.They are supposed to love and accept you no matter what your decisions.But they are still just human beings. With human emotions, thoughts and feelings.

They raised a wonderful,open daughter, and they will accept the wonderful, open, daughter they raised.

Stay strong and believe in who you are. I haven't met you, and yet believe in your strength and wisdom.
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  #29  
Old 09-11-2009, 01:29 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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Family can act weird about the oddest things. I think the property issue is just one way they can assert some control over the situation and register their displeasure. It is not rational, just a reaction. I am not sure what the best response to this is. Maybe play it off as no big deal?

It is good that this does not affect your son. Maybe once they see that they are over reacting, they will start toning down some of their actions.

That is interesting about them accepting it more as a "v" if it were a woman instead of a man you were datng. Maybe if it were a woman, you would be exploring your bisexual side. With a man... well, now you are just being redundant...?

Hang in there. I bet things will settle down over time and get better.
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  #30  
Old 09-11-2009, 01:39 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post

That is interesting about them accepting it more as a "v" if it were a woman instead of a man you were datng. Maybe if it were a woman, you would be exploring your bisexual side. With a man... well, now you are just being redundant...?

The thing is, RP was gay for many years so they already know she "explored" her bisexual side. If she had a GF, they'd have some sort of problem with that, too. This is a storm that needs to be weathered, it will pass, but until then, whatever gets 'em through the night. Right?
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