Originally Posted by dingedheart
hi , just thought of another question.
In the mono world the intimate act of sex was or has sacred status. In the poly world that sacred status is given to furniture, places, rooms, sexual positions or acts, shower stalls and even shoes. "You can wear my partner so to speak but I draw the line with my shoes god damn it." It seems bit crazy particularly the sexual position one... not real verifiable . Is this some mental game of replacement. Is there some need for sacred status to replace a perceived loss?
That said I requested 3 rules. Yes Redpepper rules. I think I heard your teeth mash together... sorry.... And not just rules but, RULES. The good part is there are only 3.
Anyway.... Rule 1. Not at our house. Not because I place sacred status on or around the house but because of the neighborhood we live in. We are very close with the neighbors -relationship wise not in proximity. Every one notices everything. Kind of a fish bowl so to speak but in a good way. We all look out for each other. In the summer on most Friday nights my neighbor pulls old couches from his garage and people stop by for a beer or 2. Adults talk/ argue with the guy who's a lawyer and the kids running all over just having fun. We have only one family out ten or so that I'm indifferent to, and that's a choice he has made to isolate himself.
Rule 2. This is big... Don't bring anything home. " I don't want to catch so much as a fucking cold. If I do.... no one will be happy." Translation your life and his will become extremely unpleasant. And as happiness is the stated goal, then everybody better be very fucking careful. No pun intended. Pretty easy to remember.
Rule 3 He is not allowed to drive my mustang convertible. It took me and my dad 3 summers to restore so I get to say who sits in or drives that car. We got fleet take something else. The thing is that car is know in the community. I don't want somebody say hey saw your car didn't look like you. Maybe I'm being a dick about this as I have let our 17yr neighbor take out his new girlfriend. That was such a cool moment for both him and me. He really really appreciated it and it was my idea. I guess I don't care if they fuck in, just do it in the garage. I don't think she/they know this however. Don't think I'm going to share that either.
Well look forward to reading why I'm wrong..... ha ha thanks D
Without worrying about whether or not the above rules are "RULES or "BOUNDARIES" or "AGREED COMMON SENSE" etc
they appear to be pretty standard to what a large majority of the posts I've read have used at the outset of their journeys (Noting here that I have not read every single post yet) and I wish you luck with the rest of your journey
As to the question... This is one I am having trouble comprehending myself... to me the act of physical intimacy (whether it be as mild as a caress to passionate kissing to intercourse) is a personal and private thing to the relationship... I have friends i hug and cuddle, and friends i kiss (although only lightly i.e. a peck)... while I can see the issue WW has with me becoming intimate in a deeper way with someone other than himself... I do NOT understand it...
From my perspective the intimacy in each relationship is sacred to that relationship and does not impinge at all on the other - I do not see how what I do with someone else impacts the sacredness of what I share with him...
**NOTING** I am a responsible person - so no assumptions of unsafe practises in responses to this please... truly just trying to understand the issue from the mono perspective