sex and its status

[RfromRMC]

Originally Posted by River

...For most of us, sex is just as sacred when shared among several as when shared with any single one. Poly is, after all, a love-style, not merely a sex-style.

Well said!
Sex within my triad is just as "sacred" as any monogamous couple out there. We're in love...we're faithful....we don't cheat.
The only difference is the number of people involved...that's it.

[dingedheart]

WOW really did'nt see this comin ..... like so much else in my current situation.

I was not trying to be snarky at all. It was light hearted humor.... I thought I had read several post in which redpepper said she dislikes the concept of rules. I thought she said that rules are to rigid and she prefers the use of boundaries. As these rule so speak where put in place month before I found this site, I guess it just highlights but another mistake. My 3 rules as they are were put in place with my kids in mind. Especially in this early stage, just having the bf pick her up would cause a shit storm I'm not ready to handle, let alone some type of sleep over. My son would either loose his mind or try to bug the room to hear what was being said. I've spent thousand to therapists for my wife and I. I don't want to do the same because my son watches to many spy movies, and saw something he shouldn't have. Kids: girl almost 13 son 10.

I see now I was being Way Way Way to familiar as a new person here. I have tried to keep a sense of humor when sometimes things aren't all that funny right now. Now I know how Yakoff Sirmnoff feels. oups hope I didn't piss off the Yakoff Fans, my luck he's a member. Very Very sorry to all. even Yakoff.

[SNeacail]

We have all had the problem with humor or light hearted teasing not translating well when written online. The comment about sex and poly vs monos was probably what set most people off. It definitely did not come off as light hearted and was a bit offensive.

[Magdlyn]

If I may offer another viewpoint... redpepper is a very frequent poster here. She takes her role here very seriously, and imo can kind of be perceived as our "board mother."

She does have a certain way of practicing polyamory. She is poly-fidelitous. She does make statements about boundaries vs rules quite a bit, so I can see where a newbie would be a bit leery of even using the word rules on this board~!

As RP knows, I have felt a bit judged by her in the past, because I have some relationships that aren't full-on committed live-in lovers. She has an almost knee jerk reaction to "casual" sex or lovers, ecause of issues from her own past (that I do not relate to). I called her on it, and I think we are cool now.

That said, I read the humor in you calling her out on using the dreaded "rules" word.

[Carma]

Hey, welcome and don't get discouraged. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, and I personally wasn't offended by your comments. I hope we all don't have to walk on eggshells in here, but you might have to grow some thicker skin -- lots of wisdom in here and I for one am humble enough to take my knocks, as a newbie.
I found it hilarious that you defended your right to your car! NO ONE better drive that car, dude, I can't even imagine my boyfriend even driving our crappy van without my husband's ok, I mean that is only common courtesy.
I think you're nice. Stick it out, you're welcome here, this is a great bunch of sassy people

[NeonKaos]

My turn now.

If I may? It's not so much that redpepper (and others) "dislike the concept of rules". It's that she (and others) see "rules" as something that people do because they haven't processed and overcome the underlying reasons for WHY the rules seem necessary.

You say you're trying to protect your kids. I don't think that what your wife is "allowed" to do with her boyfriend has anything to do with "protecting the kids". I think it has to do with protecting your ego. If you and your wife are on the same page as far as what's in the best interest for your family, you shouldn't NEED "rules". What you SHOULD do is get on the same page with each other as far as what you both believe to be in the best interest of your family. Then, "rules" are not necessary because you TRUST EACH OTHER to make the right decisions. Then "rules' are upgraded to "boundaries" where you don't have to make a checklist of specific things she "is allowed" and "is not allowed" to do, but rather instead, you TRUST HER to think things through and say to herself, "Is this in the best interest of my family? Yes, no, maybe I should talk about this with my husband... this is something I haven't anticipated, etc. etc."

Doesn't that have a better mouth-feel than, "BLARGH! Your boyfriend can't drive my sporty sports-car because what if the neighbors find out!"

(IMO, if you don't trust someone, you shouldn't breed with them, but just because I haven't "bred" with anyone, doesn't mean I don't know anything about trusting someone. Kids merely provide a convenient excuse for a lot of things people don't feel like confronting.)

[River]

Smiling in appreciation at NeonKaos.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by River

Smiling in appreciation at NeonKaos.

All I did was repeat what has been written a dick-zillion times on here.

But thank you for that.

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by dingedheart

WOW really did'nt see this comin ..... like so much else in my current situation.

I was not trying to be snarky at all. It was light hearted humor.... I thought I had read several post in which redpepper said she dislikes the concept of rules. I thought she said that rules are to rigid and she prefers the use of boundaries.

It's ok, it wouldn't be the first time (or the last) that there was something typed that was misinterpreted.

Good news-you were being playful/appearing snarky-to one of the nicest most forgiving and easy going people on the board!

I don't really see any bad news.



So-suggestion,
us the smilies on the right of your posts, they help suggest the mood of your typing. Also-it's sometimes helpful for others who are reading if you put j/k (just kidding) or [sarcasm] around things so that they can guage what mood you were in when you typed.


Common mishap on the net.


Welcome to the forum.

[Fidelia]

Originally Posted by dingedheart

WOW really did'nt see this comin ..... like so much else in my current situation.

I was not trying to be snarky at all. It was light hearted humor.... I thought I had read several post in which redpepper said she dislikes the concept of rules. I thought she said that rules are to rigid and she prefers the use of boundaries. As these rule so speak where put in place month before I found this site, I guess it just highlights but another mistake. My 3 rules as they are were put in place with my kids in mind. Especially in this early stage, just having the bf pick her up would cause a shit storm I'm not ready to handle, let alone some type of sleep over. My son would either loose his mind or try to bug the room to hear what was being said. I've spent thousand to therapists for my wife and I. I don't want to do the same because my son watches to many spy movies, and saw something he shouldn't have. Kids: girl almost 13 son 10.

I see now I was being Way Way Way to familiar as a new person here. I have tried to keep a sense of humor when sometimes things aren't all that funny right now. Now I know how Yakoff Sirmnoff feels. oups hope I didn't piss off the Yakoff Fans, my luck he's a member. Very Very sorry to all. even Yakoff.

And I would like to apologize for my part of the misunderstanding, dinged. I hope it won't discourage you from being part of the community here.
As you can see, we care about each other, and stick up for each other. Peace, brotherman.