primary status rejected
Hi folks, had a interesting discussion last night. I think she was trying to be supportive by saying I was her primary and blah, blah. At which point I said " what if I don't want to be the primary" I think she said I want you as my primary. I said in poly isn't everything negotiable why is this any different. I then asked "who do you think about when you have mental free time, how much time do you spend texting or checking in on the phone with him. The answer I got was some question to me and some avoidance bs. I then said, "if you are spending you free mental time thinking of this guy... then he's already the number one thing on your mind. He may as well have the title to go along with it. And conversely I'll gladly switch places or be something even less if that meant being the focus of your thoughts and attention. Or better yet just your thoughts. Things got a little more heated after that. And this idea seemed to really bother her. I thinking Ok. whats my up side? I/we get less time, attention, focus. I get to be her emotional tampon when things get rough, in all things not just this relationship stuff but her job, friends, etc. And I almost forgot the financial piece. Here's women who makes over 80 grand a year who never has a buck. Her money is her money and my money is our money. When I think of all the money I have spent/invested in this I could have bought a small island somewhere, a topic for another time. All For What? Whats my up side again?? I said I'm not sure I want the responsibility of primary and I would let her know. Maybe tertiary, but that might not work seeing there is only two, I get that status by default, hey lucky me. I wonder if she'll be thinking of this conversation the next time she pickup her blackberry. What am saying she most likely emailed an entire transcript 3 min after it ended last night. Got go have a lunch meeting.
Look forward to hearing the replies D