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  #11  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:15 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by gemini View Post
yes, we want a closed triad. yes she knows. yes she says that is wants to. alot of the time lately, it feels like that is what she wants. this texting with "ex" just seems to bug me.
Then you need to deal with that. Sounds like it's your problem, not hers. A closed triad relationship doesn't mean you can't text someone you used to date.
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  #12  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:19 PM
gemini gemini is offline
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very good points from all.

i agree she and my wife are both free to talk to who they wish.
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  #13  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:23 PM
Vivien Vivien is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Then you need to deal with that. Sounds like it's your problem, not hers. A closed triad relationship doesn't mean you can't text someone you used to date.
I agree, but it sounds like there's a trust issue there. Given the on-off-on history, that may just be something they have to resolve through time and communication.
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  #14  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:26 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Vivien View Post
I agree, but it sounds like there's a trust issue there. Given the on-off-on history, that may just be something they have to resolve through time and communication.
Well, he said "this texting with "ex" just seems to bug [him]". That's what I was going by. He didn't say anything about there being trust issues, although there COULD be, since he did mention that she cheated before (I don't think this is the same person she cheated with, or is it?). I just figured they must have gotten past that, but perhaps not.
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  #15  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:37 PM
gemini gemini is offline
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no, not the same guy that she cheated on us it with. it is the guy that she dated while we were apart and she would knock boots with when she first contacted us again.

i am working on the trust part. she has changed a bunch of things in her life since she cheated on us. differnt circles of people that she hangs out with, back into going to church. positive attitude towards life.
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  #16  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:40 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by gemini View Post
no, not the same guy that she cheated on us it with. it is the guy that she dated while we were apart and she would knock boots with when she first contacted us again.

i am working on the trust part. she has changed a bunch of things in her life since she cheated on us. differnt circles of people that she hangs out with, back into going to church. positive attitude towards life.
I have just one thing to add - this has been said a lot on this forum and it applies to all relationships, not just poly ones, and not just sexual ones:

Actions speak louder than words.
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  #17  
Old 01-26-2011, 06:53 PM
gemini gemini is offline
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i keep trying to remind myself of that. both good or bad, actions tell you what thr heart feels
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  #18  
Old 01-27-2011, 02:24 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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actions do speak louder than words and also, a person can't prove their new found integrity if they are not trusted at some point... knowing that they are being trusted in order to prove themselves that is.
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  #19  
Old 01-27-2011, 02:11 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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Gemini, Is it possible that you have a habit of passing judgement on your 3rd's decisions and decision making process? If so this likely goes back prior to her first infidelity. If a person feels that there openess invites unfair judgement or punishment they are less likely to be open.
Perhaps try to work on not passing judgement so quickly - i.e. she's going to church so therefore she will make better decisions...
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  #20  
Old 01-27-2011, 03:07 PM
gemini gemini is offline
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absolutely makes sense. i guess i still got a bit of a trust issue that hasn't gone away fully yet. i need to work on letting go of my hesitation in trusting her and just trust her. if it proves later that it is not to work or she goes back to old habbits, it would then be by her own choices. by not trusting her to often, she would then resent me and then be more likely to go a stray
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