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  #11  
Old 08-31-2009, 07:06 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Welcome to the forum.

LOL YGirl. You saw that too? Good. Thought I was having an acid flashback there for a minute....

There's your happy pill.
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  #12  
Old 09-01-2009, 02:16 PM
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Hello!
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  #13  
Old 09-04-2009, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Libre2Love View Post
I won't deny the fact that it's possible we've jumped the gun by thinking we've fallen in love after only five weeks, but my heart tells me to be open to the possibility that it's the real deal.
This is a Libra trait no? talking about loving....being concerned with love, love love love....!? heh (teasing my dear Libra mono with this as much as asking you...)

Mono and I fell in love immediately and he told me that within a week or so! I think if you know you know. It's a good thing! And I suspect that you will feel okay to feel that with a lot of work....at least that is what I have come to. Perhaps it makes you feel weird and kind of selfish, scary, like you are taking something away from your husband and that if he knew the depth to which you love he would be very hurt... all okay to feel and to remember that just because you feel love for someone else doesn't mean you love others less. I did a lot of checking in with myself about if I would be okay with just my husband or just Mono and every time came to the conclusion that I couldn't be happy without BOTH of them. So I figured that means that my love for my husband has not gone away. It's just mellowed and different.

I used the analogy when talking to my husband that this kind of love is like a garden. Mono is a new patch of soil that has just been tilled and is ready to seed (he has been seeded now, HA!). My husband is an established garden and has annuals and perennials growing in it. He has trees that bear fruit and flower. His garden needs tending to, weeded, harvested, new seeds planted but it is there for good and just as exciting and valid.
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  #14  
Old 09-04-2009, 04:18 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Possessiveness is also a libra trait unfortunately...I'm wondering how you would feel about your husband finding another woman in the same context?
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  #15  
Old 09-04-2009, 05:54 PM
Libre2Love Libre2Love is offline
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Red, thank you for sharing that. Most of all you've stated has already run through my mind. I question myself and sanity daily, hourly, at times. But I figure I wouldn't be normal if I didn't question myself due to the training of societal norms in our culture. I am completely open with my husband about my thoughts and feelings regarding love and he fully understands and agrees, to an extent. This whole concept is newer to him than it is to me, therefore, the more I research, read, discuss, marinate in my head, I'm able to discuss and share with him. Get his feelings. Usually we're on the same train of thought but at times, I find I'm already convinced that something is right and he's not right there yet. Those are the topics I let go of and readdress at a later time.

Mono, to address your question...it's one I ask myself constantly. I wish I could say that it would be easy for me to accept but right now I can't say that. But mostly because it hasn't been an issue that I've dealt with yet. In my heart, I feel that it would be weird at first, maybe a bit tough to deal with, but in the end I would recognize the love that is there and would learn to embrace her in our lives. I won't lie and say it will be easy. But I am open to love and will always try my best to fair to my husband. If I'm asking him to be open and share me, I have to do the same for him.
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  #16  
Old 09-04-2009, 06:33 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by Libre2Love View Post

Mono, to address your question...it's one I ask myself constantly. I wish I could say that it would be easy for me to accept but right now I can't say that. But mostly because it hasn't been an issue that I've dealt with yet. In my heart, I feel that it would be weird at first, maybe a bit tough to deal with, but in the end I would recognize the love that is there and would learn to embrace her in our lives. I won't lie and say it will be easy. But I am open to love and will always try my best to fair to my husband. If I'm asking him to be open and share me, I have to do the same for him.
Poly people are a sweet mystery to me...I love my relationship but honestly can't understand the drive to go through these challenges.
I'm glad I don't have to understand to be healthy.

I sometimes wonder if poly people are all very giving and strong or very selfish and weak. (If I can wonder that..imagine what it looks to some one completely from the outside who isn't enjoying a poly relationship)
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 09-04-2009 at 06:40 PM.
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  #17  
Old 09-04-2009, 07:34 PM
Libre2Love Libre2Love is offline
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That's a great point Mono. I have barely contemplated what we would have to deal with in coming out as a triad to our friends and family. Something I know that our new friend, W, has to consider is his four children. They're all 14 and younger and his ex is difficult for him to deal with. It is complicated and I can only hope we can work through the hurdles.
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  #18  
Old 09-05-2009, 03:13 AM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I sometimes wonder if poly people are all very giving and strong or very selfish and weak.
I often wonder the same, even about myself. And I AM poly. Can I go with all of the above?
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  #19  
Old 09-11-2009, 12:50 AM
Karelia Karelia is offline
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I knew I was in love with my husband after our first date. I knew my entire life had changed. I also recognized it was the first "real" love I'd ever felt.

With our gf, I fell in love in about three weeks. The feelings were eerily similar to the ones I felt for him early on... the difference was we hadn't yet met in person. I wondered if the feelings would change or dissipate once we met, but they didn't... they grew, intensified and became much bigger and stronger... and more challenging and complex.

These are the only people I have ever loved. Though my love for him has time and history, I love her in the same way I love him. The difference, though, is that I never thought I loved a woman before her. In fact, despite being bi, I'd always thought I could never love a woman. Too much drama and effort.

Well, falling in love with her was effortless, though probably the most dramatic thing to ever happen in our lives. It's not always an easy thing, but it wasn't a choice. I fell in love with her, just as I fell in love with him (which for the first year, was also NOT easy). It's not a choice. I will deal with the effort required to make things work simply because I love her and want her in my life, in our lives. I will do whatever I can to ensure that it works, because I will love her regardless, and so losing her would mean having a broken heart and not feeling whole again.
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