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Old 01-25-2011, 10:44 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,136
Default Care and Feeding of Friends with Benefits

I've been knocking around on the forum for a bit now and would like folk's thoughts on ethical friends with benefits relationships.

By friends with benefits, I mean relationships that are not meant to be primary bonds.

Here's the background - always helpful to know! As you know, Beloved is my wife; Pool Boy is her male lover. I've recently started seeing SW, the friend with benefits in question. Beloved and SW have been introduced, and Beloved has 'signed off' as it were. There's been some minor bumps in the road which required some reassurance on my part to Beloved but so far, things are going well.

I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with SW, and I've also enjoying exploring heterosexual sex with him. (I was a 'gold star' lesbian e - a term for a lesbian who has never had sex with a man. I've never liked that label, it was largely by accident of life experiences that I had not slept with a man before. Anyhoo, that's probably a whole other thread...)

Like others on the forum, I do not need to be in love to have sex with someone. (I have no problem with folks who feel otherwise but I know this to be true for myself.) I do need to like and respect them. I care about SW, I want him to be well, I want his other relationships to succeed (he has a primary girlfriend) and so on.

I've taken a look at the casual sex, primary/secondary and other 'golden nugget' threads which are very interesting and helpful. But they did not touch on some of the questions and thoughts I've had about FWB.

For instance, I know that this relationship with SW is term-limited, at least our sexual relationship. I believe we will remain friends even after the sexual aspects is over. I don't know how long or even why that part of our relationship will end but I know that it will. Perhaps one of us will move, or he may want to try monogamy with his primary girlfriend, or some other scenario I haven't thought of yet. So how to handle the 'term limited' relationship? Anyone else been in a similar situation?
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casual sex, friends with benefits, fwb

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