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  #61  
Old 01-24-2011, 09:53 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Hey my blog has a rating...who knew?

Vulnerability has been on my mind a lot lately. I have a hard time showing my vulnerable side to a lot of people. I don't want people to think that I'm in some way weak, but I'm coming to realize that it's not weakness that I'm hiding but rather my humanity.

I have a fear that people, especially those who I don't know or don't know well will think less of me if I'm not perfect. The thing is that the people who's company I most enjoy are people who are authentically who they are and who aren't afraid to be that person.

I'm human I make mistakes, some of them big ones. But on the other hand I can also be the person to make that little bit of a change in someone's world to make their life just that little bit better. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Even though I'm not all good all the time doesn't take away from the good that I do do.

My best friend's partner has gained respect from me by being who she is and telling me what her fears were about me. It took a lot of courage for her to speak to me about it but the end result is absolutely positive. I'm going to try to remember that when I'm afraid of rejection or not being good enough when I'm talking to someone.

By being human you allow others to be human too. The more we open ourselves up and are vulnerable to each other the more we will be able to see ourselves in others and embrace the imperfection of being human. No more striving to be and appear perfect when being perfectly imperfect will suffice.
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  #62  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:23 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Ironic, this was one of the many topics Karma and I covered last night. I don't like showing vulnerabilities for the same reason. I don't mind with him, or my family, basicaly people that really know me. But I have huge issue with people I don't know well seeing them, or worse hearing about them through others. I find what you say about it making us human very interesting, I have a feeling I be doing some thinking on that.
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  #63  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:26 PM
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Myzka Myzka is offline
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Hey Derby!
Have you heard of TED talks? There is one on vulnerability, it's quite interesting, I can find it for you if you'd like
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  #64  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Myzka View Post
Hey Derby!
Have you heard of TED talks? There is one on vulnerability, it's quite interesting, I can find it for you if you'd like
That's one of the things that set the theme for the week
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  #65  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:34 PM
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That's one of the things that set the theme for the week
haha awesome

it was interesting to hear the bit where she said (I cannot remember her name ) that the moment we numb the "bad" feelings, we numb everything else (joy for example), as there is no way to avoid/block/pretend-they-don't-exist selectively.
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  #66  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:38 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myzka View Post
haha awesome

it was interesting to hear the bit where she said (I cannot remember her name ) that the moment we numb the "bad" feelings, we numb everything else (joy for example), as there is no way to avoid/block/pretend-they-don't-exist selectively.
Yep, I had that on antidepressants. I needed them to function at the time when I was on them, 2 small kids to care for and a husband who was away. I'm glad to be off them now and to be able to feel emotion again.
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  #67  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:46 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Hey my blog has a rating...who knew?

Vulnerability has been on my mind a lot lately. I have a hard time showing my vulnerable side to a lot of people. I don't want people to think that I'm in some way weak, but I'm coming to realize that it's not weakness that I'm hiding but rather my humanity.

I have a fear that people, especially those who I don't know or don't know well will think less of me if I'm not perfect. The thing is that the people who's company I most enjoy are people who are authentically who they are and who aren't afraid to be that person.

I'm human I make mistakes, some of them big ones. But on the other hand I can also be the person to make that little bit of a change in someone's world to make their life just that little bit better. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Even though I'm not all good all the time doesn't take away from the good that I do do.

My best friend's partner has gained respect from me by being who she is and telling me what her fears were about me. It took a lot of courage for her to speak to me about it but the end result is absolutely positive. I'm going to try to remember that when I'm afraid of rejection or not being good enough when I'm talking to someone.

By being human you allow others to be human too. The more we open ourselves up and are vulnerable to each other the more we will be able to see ourselves in others and embrace the imperfection of being human. No more striving to be and appear perfect when being perfectly imperfect will suffice.
I saw your thread and thought I would try to post. First thanks again for the help. Now to your fear of others see you as perfect or whatever, you must be very young and thats good thing. The reason I say that is because the older I get the less I care what people think. With in reason . Now I should write the disclaimer. Like hair color or my clothes cars I drive bullshit stuff. I as soon as I started typing my words of wisdom I quickly thought well most everything except the poly.. I know what a fucking ass. yup

Last edited by dingedheart; 01-24-2011 at 11:47 PM. Reason: grammar
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  #68  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:51 PM
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As for being very young, not so much. I'm in my mid 30's (which admittedly isn't ancient by any stretch of the imagination...but I wouldn't go so far as to think of it as very young either). The wanting to be perfect isn't about my appearance. I really don't put a lot of effort in in that department. It's more about being perceived as nice and good and outgoing as well as I have this expectation of myself that I should be able to have a full time job, raise kids, do derby and still be able to keep an immaculate house.
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  #69  
Old 01-25-2011, 02:40 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
As for being very young, not so much. I'm in my mid 30's (which admittedly isn't ancient by any stretch of the imagination...but I wouldn't go so far as to think of it as very young either). The wanting to be perfect isn't about my appearance. I really don't put a lot of effort in in that department. It's more about being perceived as nice and good and outgoing as well as I have this expectation of myself that I should be able to have a full time job, raise kids, do derby and still be able to keep an immaculate house.
We have a housekeeper who comes every other week. Best. Investment. Ever.
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  #70  
Old 02-01-2011, 06:05 PM
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Sometimes it seems that in a small poly community that there are tidbits of not entirely accurate information that get out and are presented as fact to the community at large. Usually itís about who is seeing/dating/sleeping with who. Unfortunately spreading these things as facts can lead to trouble in relationships further down the line as when it gets to you, you know that someone somewhere along the line isnít being entirely truthful. Either someone is instigating the rumour to make themselves rack up the points of how many lovers they have or, worse, there is dishonesty within your tribe.

Neither option is terribly good but the second is most definitely worse. Lying and cheating and betrayal are never ok. I dislike having to question if those around me, who I care about, are being truthful with me. Also if someone within our constellation was to add a new partner (at the moment all the ends are closed) itís something that I would need to know about so that I can make choices around how I wish to proceed with safe sex (both to protect myself and to protect other partners).

I would caution people about making public relationships where you have only heard from one of the parties whoís involved. It has the potential to cause a lot of unnecessary doubt and drama. Itís better to leave things out that you *think* you know until you have confirmation. What might seem fun and light-hearted to one has the potential to cause a lot of disharmony and pain for others.
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