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  #21  
Old 01-24-2011, 06:52 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
How does he treat your wife? If he is treating her well it might just be a case of the 2 of you just aren't meant to get along. There isn't anything saying that you have to be friends with the boyfriend. Some people just don't mesh well.

Your wife is responsible for her relationship with you though and just because she has something shiny and new in her life doesn't mean that she gets to neglect you. She should be putting some effort in to carving out time to do special things with you that the both of you enjoy together. As for how long it takes to see the positives that can vary from person to person. Are there things that she enjoys doing that you have no interest in? Is there something that you would like to do but have been feeling guilty about asking for the time to do it?

It sounds to me like you and your wife need to work on being connected again. Sex shouldn't just happen out of "fairness" it should happen because you both want it to happen. Plus relationships have their ebbs and flows, if you're both willing to put in the time to reconnect and find why you fell in love in the first place hopefully you'll find the spark again.
Hi Derby what would I have to feel guilty for??? I have no desire to ask for anything its not out of guilt
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  #22  
Old 01-24-2011, 06:56 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Sometimes people just feel guilty for asking for things, maybe you don't...it was just a possible positive to her having another partner.
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  #23  
Old 01-24-2011, 08:21 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Sometimes people just feel guilty for asking for things, maybe you don't...it was just a possible positive to her having another partner.
I'm not sure what you mean as "it was just a possible positive to her having another partner.

Last edited by dingedheart; 01-24-2011 at 08:22 PM. Reason: grammar
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  #24  
Old 01-24-2011, 08:35 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I'm not sure what you mean as "it was just a possible positive to her having another partner.
Some of us do feel guilty (on occasion) for doing activites that our partner has absolutely no intrests in and therefore we do such activities alone or forego them altogether. Derby was saying that by your wife having another partner, you now have the freedom to do some activities that she wouldn't want to participate in anyway, without the guilt of her feeling left out.
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  #25  
Old 01-24-2011, 09:04 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Some of us do feel guilty (on occasion) for doing activites that our partner has absolutely no intrests in and therefore we do such activities alone or forego them altogether. Derby was saying that by your wife having another partner, you now have the freedom to do some activities that she wouldn't want to participate in anyway, without the guilt of her feeling left out.
Thanks I get it. I operate on lets try this and those who didn't enjoy the activity don't need to come again. Lost the desire to try to make sure everyone is having fun. Hey the party starts when I get there and its over when I leave. I looked at your profile which didn't tell your situation, are you poly or husband or partner just?
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  #26  
Old 01-24-2011, 09:17 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I looked at your profile which didn't tell your situation, are you poly or husband or partner just?
I ended up here, because I suspected my husband of cheating. He does have a close lady friend with whom he has an emotional connection, but not a sexual relationship (not the person I thought he was cheating with). For the most part, it is just me and my husband at this point, that may or may not change in the future. I find that the folks here offer invaluable information, that I have been able to put into use repairing my relationship with my husband. We will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this August.
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  #27  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:24 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I ended up here, because I suspected my husband of cheating. He does have a close lady friend with whom he has an emotional connection, but not a sexual relationship (not the person I thought he was cheating with). For the most part, it is just me and my husband at this point, that may or may not change in the future. I find that the folks here offer invaluable information, that I have been able to put into use repairing my relationship with my husband. We will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this August.
Congratulations on time served. I'd try to use the smilies but I'm sure I'd loose this or double post. Note to the mods please feel free to delete my double posts. Thanks derby for the mechanical help. Not quite there yet. I'm sure my kids could do this in their sleep and laugh at how stupid I am.
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