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  #21  
Old 01-23-2011, 09:46 PM
Laylah Laylah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidelia View Post

If you feel you are not being fairly treated with respect to taxes, insurance, etc. you are completely justified to insist that your partners work with you to redress that unfairness. There is always a way to find a fair balance; sometimes "equal" is an unreasonable expectation, but fair is always possible.
To me equal means I am just as good as my spouse... of course there are things he can do better than me.. and vice versa... to me if your equal with someone.. that does mean fair treatment. I have seen lots of people treat their spouses like they were beneath them... instead of equal to them. I suppose thats what i mean. I hope that makes sense.
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  #22  
Old 01-23-2011, 11:17 PM
Athena Athena is offline
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You have a girl and three boys if I counted right in your relationship, and it seems you are not happy in that relationship right now. You need to work on that relationship, your current relationship contains, among other things the parents of your children. Trying on a new spouse to fix all the things and making your kids adjust because you feel unable to financially support yourself and them, is going to make your situation worse, not better from what I can see of things.
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  #23  
Old 01-24-2011, 12:38 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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I agree with Athena.
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  #24  
Old 01-24-2011, 04:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athena View Post
You have a girl and three boys if I counted right in your relationship, and it seems you are not happy in that relationship right now. You need to work on that relationship, your current relationship contains, among other things the parents of your children. Trying on a new spouse to fix all the things and making your kids adjust because you feel unable to financially support yourself and them, is going to make your situation worse, not better from what I can see of things.
Athena and other prev posters, her OP states she was in a polygynous relationship, but is no longer. She is looking for a legal spouse to provide financial security and health insurance for herself and her 4 children.

g71, whether you were legally married or not, your ex is morally responsible to care for the children he fathered. He should be providing for their food and shelter and paying for their health insurance, unless and until you meet, fall in love with, and marry another man willing to take on the fathership of your 4 children.

Is there some reason your ex is not providing for his children with you?

Meanwhile, if I were you, I'd be looking for a job with benefits myself, not a man to keep you home as a housewife and willing to knock you up again. Is it really fair to your present kids to add another baby to the mix right now when you have just split from their dad?
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #25  
Old 01-25-2011, 05:08 AM
g71 g71 is offline
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The three oldest kids dad was abusive. He has spent almost all of their lives out of the picture. A lot of that time in jail. He's in another state now. Due to the threats of the past seemed best not to seek support from him.

Youngest childs dad would pay his support.
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  #26  
Old 01-25-2011, 05:33 AM
Laylah Laylah is offline
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seems to me.. since you have been in an abusive relationship.. that maybe you need to find some therapy. Im not saying your nuts... or need to be comitted by a long shot. but i do see that you seem to be all to willing to jump out of the frying pan into the fire and repeat the same mistakes possibly. lots of women who get out of an abusive relationship.. hop right back into another one.and by saying therapy... im not even talking about a professional councilor im talking about maybe a close friend... a relative.. someone who you trust.

since you have posted your first post.. as to what you are seeking... it seems to me.. you have a very low self worth.. Now I wasnt there... I dont know the situation.. But i can tell you... as anyone here can tell you.... YOU are worth something... theres only ONE you...And if you were in an abusive relationship... its NOT YOUR FAULT.... NOT your kids fault..... and hell its not even the abuser's fault... why its not their fault..... because most of the time abusers were abused when they were young. Does it make it right... hell no... does it make it fair... hell no.... BUT.. what you CAN do is recognize it for what it is.And realize you are a human being... and a mother.. and draw strength from that.
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  #27  
Old 01-25-2011, 06:09 AM
g71 g71 is offline
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I have been working on all the things you mention which is how I realized that this relationship was not helping my self worth/esteem etc. at all.

I also wished to demonstrate a more positive relationship for my kids as well.

Yes, I have been taking my time so as not to jump in any more fires and to also have a good idea of what I do and don't want before getting in too deep..
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  #28  
Old 01-25-2011, 09:33 PM
Laylah Laylah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by g71 View Post
I have been working on all the things you mention which is how I realized that this relationship was not helping my self worth/esteem etc. at all.

I also wished to demonstrate a more positive relationship for my kids as well.

Yes, I have been taking my time so as not to jump in any more fires and to also have a good idea of what I do and don't want before getting in too deep..
relationships are tricky things... what seems wonderful one minute can turn into a disaster the next. I hope you take into consideration all that folks have said here.... and if nothing else reevaluate your reasoning for wanting the things you want.
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  #29  
Old 01-29-2011, 11:23 AM
kapablekeri kapablekeri is offline
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Default What about the other woman??

What are you seeking from the relationship with the other woman??

Are you seeking a vee or a triad??

Definitely important to consider the kids... and being this age.. I would say that it is time to get your life in order for you... because even if you did find a great couple to be with.. what if something happened in 20 Years?? I mean we all hope that doesn't happen, but what if it did.. and you still hadn't found a way to have your own money and retirement etc... if you solely rely upon someone else to provide that security for you... is it really secure??

Anyway... I would like to know what state you are in if you don't mind sharing..
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  #30  
Old 04-21-2011, 10:52 AM
LesLynn LesLynn is offline
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Cool Why so judgemental?

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Aren't we all on here because we do not thrive in "traditional" relationships? Maybe she's looking for something that's not traditional, but with the benefits of legal marriage?

As far as having another child, that is a personal choice that should not be made or condemned by others. I myself have 6 children, and if I wanted to have another it would be of no one's concern but my own. Yes, it is chalenging, but it's a blessing as well.

My one piece of advise for the origional woman posting...just keep looking girl, you will someday find that piece to complete your puzzle.
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