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  #51  
Old 01-20-2011, 12:31 AM
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I understand that still brings some work up for you with considerations of how to deal with the issues that will arise when it "all comes out", because kids do accept, and then they don't see the big deal about sharing what they know/feel. So, it will come up.
I would actually love to hear what Spicy Pea's view is on that, since she has lived it as a teenager.
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  #52  
Old 01-20-2011, 12:36 AM
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Feel free to email me a "question" email for her-and I'll forward it to her to respond to.

Most of all, she doesn't care. She's always known her whole life that I believe STRONGLY in people having a right to live their life anyway they want.

My ex-girlfriend had a motto she said all of the time (when Spicy was little) "if two people share love, who cares about the details as long as it's love, it's a good thing".

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  #53  
Old 01-20-2011, 08:40 PM
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I haven't been sleeping well this week. I haven't completely nailed down the reason yet. Someone I worked with passed away last week and she is also a community member in the community where I work. The family are in a state of crisis. I'm having some guilt over looking for a new job. The thing is that this community will never be without crisis and it will never be a good time to move on. I need to move on to a position where I'm feeling like I can make a difference again.

I also worry about keeping my husband awake as I'm falling asleep. As I'm falling asleep my body twitches and he's commented on it more than once. So if he comes to bed as I'm drifting off I tend to worry that if I let myself sleep I'll keep him awake.

And then there's been the what if worries about coming out. With my book going missing and my daughter's comment on the weekend it's been on my mind a lot. Some of the stuff I'm facing is kind of a coming out to myself (which is a little bit scary in and of it's self).

I sent a message to my husband's girlfriend yesterday to see if she would like to get together and to get to know one another better as I know I've made a pretty lousy impression on her. I'm on edge waiting to hear back. I guess I'm kind of expecting the worst there. Although I am hopeful that she'll give me the chance to be who I am when I'm not feeling all fearful and threatened.

Maybe I can just blame the full moon, if there is one at the moment. Things will settle in me again, right now I'm just feeling stirred up.
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  #54  
Old 01-20-2011, 09:02 PM
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As I'm falling asleep my body twitches and he's commented on it more than once. So if he comes to bed as I'm drifting off I tend to worry that if I let myself sleep I'll keep him awake.
Both my husband and I do this to some extent. He has never said anything, but I sometimes wake myself up. I find that when my husband does this, it helps to cuddle up next to him and drape my arms and legs over him and he settles right down.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:35 PM
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I do that too.
GG says it helps to just caress me or touch me and then I just calm right now. Maca says he just holds me tight and I calm down.
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  #56  
Old 01-20-2011, 10:10 PM
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The lack of sleep could be a lot of things; time of year, relationships, kids, job, death, losing your book (I'm glad you found it btw!). I decided to look on my troubles more wholistically and not take one thing and microscopically disect it. It seems to be working for me, maybe it will for you.

I don't know what makes you think you left a bad impression with the gf. She hasn't reached out to you and does poly very differently to you it seems. I think she just is kind of doing her own thing no? She likley doesn't think of you at all except in terms of when she can spend time with your husband. Some people just aren't all that interested in strong friendships with their metamours.

The two of you are so different, I'm not sure why pursuing anything more is such a priority. Is it because you want a family type of poly? If so then I think, from what I know, she isn't your gal. Your hubby needs to find one that is just kidding! Of course I haven't stepped up to the plate. Maybe you need another partner too?
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  #57  
Old 01-20-2011, 10:57 PM
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The lack of sleep could be a lot of things; time of year, relationships, kids, job, death, losing your book (I'm glad you found it btw!). I decided to look on my troubles more wholistically and not take one thing and microscopically disect it. It seems to be working for me, maybe it will for you.
I work things though by dissecting them. I talk things through and write about them and then eventually I can let them go. It's all just part of the process. This too shall pass. I'm don't suffer from insomnia all that often, usually I'm asleep the second my head hits the pillow

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I don't know what makes you think you left a bad impression with the gf. She hasn't reached out to you and does poly very differently to you it seems. I think she just is kind of doing her own thing no? She likley doesn't think of you at all except in terms of when she can spend time with your husband. Some people just aren't all that interested in strong friendships with their metamours.
It's just kind of weird for me to be friends with her primary and share a partner with her and not have a friendship with her too. Why I think I haven't made a good impression is because there have been times when I have most definitely had my grumpy pants on when she's been around. The walls have been up with her in the past. I wasn't ready to just let her in as a friend just because my husband likes her. I think maybe I was subconsciously wanting her to put the effort in with me. I've also made a lot of assumptions about the way she does things, especially since I haven't really sat down and talked with her about it.

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The two of you are so different, I'm not sure why pursuing anything more is such a priority. Is it because you want a family type of poly? If so then I think, from what I know, she isn't your gal. Your hubby needs to find one that is just kidding! Of course I haven't stepped up to the plate. Maybe you need another partner too?
Hubby really doesn't need to find someone else. He and his gf are well suited for each other. As for family type poly I think what I want is people around me who I'm comfortable with and who feel like family. I don't want to live with more people (heck I wouldn't mind living alone lol). I don't need another partner. I'm tickled pink with the 2 I have. At the very least I wouldn't have the time to build something with anyone else without something else having to give.
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  #58  
Old 01-21-2011, 10:22 PM
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So things are looking better today. I had a sleep and I think it helped to get some things off my chest here. I really am just a big worrywart sometimes. I'm happy it's Friday. I'm taking my little girl out for girl time this evening. I haven't decided what we're going to do yet but it's so rare to have one on one time with either child that I'm really looking forward to it.

Tomorrow I'm going to hang out with my best friend for the day and we're going to have an un-birthday celebration (as it seems like something fun and cheap to do with the kids). Then it's off glow bowling! I love Fridays, the whole weekend is just layed out in front of me full of sparkly possibility.
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  #59  
Old 01-23-2011, 04:51 PM
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I had a dream last night where someone I know in the community wrote a poly article for some on line source and included pictures. Some of the pictures were of me and they were put there without my knowledge or permission. I got really angry about it and said that I didn't want things out there about me without my permission. This person told me that it was just better this way that everyone know. I told them that it wasn't their desision to make.

Last night was great fun. Dinner and bowling. I got to talk to some people who I don't talk to often which was a nice change of pace. I like that there are events like this who are appealing to a different group of people who sometimes aren't all together comfortable at some of the other events that come up. I liked that there were less people and I was able to just be (which for me means being a little silly).

I also saw my best friend during the day yesterday. Her new years resolution is to make more time for friends and family. For the last year she's been all caught up in a new relationship and hasn't had time for anyone else. We did some baking and took the kids to the park. It was really nice and relaxed.
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  #60  
Old 01-23-2011, 05:37 PM
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I had a dream last night where someone I know in the community wrote a poly article for some on line source and included pictures.
Booooooo creepy dreams


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Last night was great fun.
Yaaaayyyyy great fun ............and beer
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