Willingness and Conflicted Emotion
If you had asked me a year ago, if I would EVER be in a poly relationship, I would have told you no, absolutely not. But odd things happen, and people change their mind.
On a singular basis, he and I get along very well. It's the inclusion of his primary at some point in time. I don't know her very well, spoken to her a few fleeting times, just very... defensive.
I know how I should feel, I understand the bigger picture, it just seems like being raised in a world that pushes the concept of mono-relationships has taken its toll. I'd like nothing more than to stamp out the bitter jealousy I feel twords her, the time she gets... it's all very hard. Especially where I feel insecure (it's hierarchy... I'd much rather it be hinge, or something where I feel like I won't walk away with nothing in the end, if it comes to that). He's very understanding, especially that this is the first time I've attempted anything poly. He 's understanding that I might need to back out of the situation, as bonded as we seem to have become, painful as it is.
Is there anything I can do to strike some logic into my emotional overdrive? I hate feeling the way I do. I just don't know how to not feel resentment and jealousy with his primary... it's upsetting. Advice would be very welcome.