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  #661  
Old 01-21-2011, 02:54 PM
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I honestly didn't read any of it as negative yesterday. You help me to think about why I want to do things (or why I might not want to). Plus we all have bad days where we just feel like grouching.
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  #662  
Old 01-21-2011, 03:35 PM
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I honestly didn't read any of it as negative yesterday. You help me to think about why I want to do things (or why I might not want to). Plus we all have bad days where we just feel like grouching.
well it was more the other stuff I said via message that I felt bad about... I can be so sarcastic sometimes and I know it doesn't come across as joking even if I say it is. It's usually my attempt to lighten the mood in MY life, but sometimes it comes across as condescending and doesn't respect the readers process and feelings. Not my intent, but is how it comes across. I'm glad you know me well enough to know that, but it still doesn't make it okay. I need to find ways to lighten the mood in my life without being sarcastic on line. Still working on that and am aware of it...
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  #663  
Old 01-21-2011, 03:43 PM
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Got a text from Leo to tell me he had a good meeting... he cancelled our date tonight to go to it. He was drunk and walking home as he couldn't drive. Its about 15 kms to his house so I went and got him and took him home. It was nice to do that and I felt like I could participate in his life in some way. It made me feel needed. I am also taking his girl out on Sunday afternoon with my boy... they are the same age and friends (as we all camp together). I am looking forward to that too.


I went to see a movie tonight with PN. Same one I went to last week with Mono. What could I do, they wanted to see the same movie *shrug* He really enjoyed it and so did I. We all like the same movies in this house. It rocks! PN was happy as he feel asleep. Good movie, good chat and good sex... all good.
I cut the bad parts out That's better!
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  #664  
Old 01-21-2011, 04:34 PM
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Chat needs a sarcasm font
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  #665  
Old 01-23-2011, 07:49 AM
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This situation with Mono and I is similar to that of my marriage to my ex wife. We were in a similar situation at the end of our relationship. It is in that she was mono and I was poly and we struggled to see how that would work for us being together.

Mono is worried and fearful that he is hurting me and that he is putting this boundary issue on me. He isn't, I am choosing it. He doesn't trust that I am healthy in this and that I won't make a decision because I don't want to hurt him.

That is so not the case. I have chosen this and I will until there is evidence that it is not the right choice. My ex and I were obviously on a different path, Mono and I have just begun our path together and it is so not the case that we are going in differing directions... so therefore I pick him... That doesn't mean I don't hurt and don't push a bit. I need to know ever now and then where I am at... because I forget.

On being selfish; It could be thought of (I had a PM to the effect) that I am being selfish in needing to have a husband, girlfriend, and boyfriend and still need more. This is a very mono way of looking at my situation and I have heard that before from some mono people.

All I ask is that my relationships expand into what they are naturally able to become, not to have another person like Mono or Derby in my life. I don't have time and can't give another the attention they deserve, but if I am to spend time with people at all I would like the freedom for it to become what feels good for us. That could mean anything.

I am being asked to control that and to suck that up. Anyone who is denied the right to be themselves is going to feel as I do at some point no? At some point that might not be healthy or sustainable for us. Right now it is and I will go with that yet still question and bring it up now and then to be examined.

Mono and I have been talking on his blog too btw. This is the link http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...?t=1196&page=7 post #64... to #76 or more....
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-23-2011 at 07:51 AM.
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  #666  
Old 01-23-2011, 07:53 AM
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You used my real name Now everyone knows who I am
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  #667  
Old 01-23-2011, 08:10 AM
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You used my real name Now everyone knows who I am
Bah haha! Caught it within seconds... as if it matters really. What would anyone do with a real first name anyway? It's not like there aren't others. You have a very common name...

It's mine that would be recognizable. Mine is strikingly ordinary, yet artsy... that's what art school does to you... should do some art with that art degree shouldn't I... damned forum, it took all my time away. That and my damned partners!
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  #668  
Old 01-23-2011, 08:13 AM
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I saw it, I saw it.


Oh wait, I know 'em both anyway!

Artsy and Normal.
Hehehehe!!
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  #669  
Old 01-23-2011, 08:22 AM
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On being selfish; It could be thought of (I had a PM to the effect) that I am being selfish in needing to have a husband, girlfriend, and boyfriend and still need more.
A lot of people have a hard time understanding that some people want to live their life with a philosophy of intimate freedom. Usually that is because they are inclined or conditioned for monogamy so anything else seems wrong. I understand the opinion and think it is valid in plenty of cases of what I consider artificial polyamory (where one partner merely keeps an existing relationship going for security and comfort but doesn't actually "love" them).

I also know this is not the case in many other cases. Some people are inherently selfish and others are inherently loving. You are an inherently loving person.

Opinions and ideas get skewed by our own thinking. For example, lots of poly people associate my boundaries with a fear of losing you or insecurities relating to sexuality. This opinion is understandable and logical in the community we live in..and yet completely wrong and inapplicable to how I feel. This is only a problem if I choose to engage in debates over it. I have no need to engage in debates over irrelevant ideas of why I am a certain way and this frustrates people because they don't believe what I say. Fair enough...I just don't bother, not everyone has to understand.

I admittedly suffer from this frustration in trying to understand the need of people to take every relationship to the area of physical intimacy or even to have that potential freedom. I don't question it though or look for "why it is wrong"..I simply accept it without understanding and try to give as much of myself as I can with genuine purity. Knowing when that is healthy and when I am unhealthy or less than genuine is the key.

I don't ask "why" anymore..I just know how things work and accept that sometimes change happens that leads people down different paths to be healthy.

It seems to be completely appropriate to question why people have certain boundaries (do you really need those boundaries?) and challenge them to push those.... but it is taboo to question why someone has certain needs and push them to challenge those (are they really needs or wants?).

The thing is....why we have boundaries is not important unless our motivation is to remove or increase them...nor is why we want certain freedoms unless we are trying to expand or suppress them. The only thing important is that they both exist and we try to find a way to accommodate both in a healthy manner. Sometimes, this simply can't be achieved. Not everything is workable. But that is no reason to throw our hands in the air and surrender...because who knows what we would miss out on in the process and the future is never certain...things and people change
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 01-23-2011 at 08:30 AM.
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  #670  
Old 01-23-2011, 08:26 AM
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Bah haha!
There's a forum function that alerts you whenever your real profile name is displayed...it's on the Control Panel.
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