disagreeing vs. "you're wrong and here's why"

[Somegeezer]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

Repeat what you think that they meant and ask them if it's what they meant.

Then ask if they wanted your opinion before giving it.

I think it's a good practice to ask if someone wants your opinion before giving it, often times, they don't want it.

The way I see that is, if you don't want people having an opinion on a subject, don't start discussing that subject with them. There are people who just want to vent their frustration, but there are also those who just want to help. =]

[NeonKaos]

if someone is being a douchebag, i'll tell them so, whether or not i agree with their opinion on a topic or issue.

[Karma]

OK, I seem to have a habit of trying to "convince" people that they are wrong when I believe they are, particularly when I think they are over-reacting or I don't understand why they are having certain feelings towards something. Telling someone who is over-reacting that they ARE over-reacting is never a good plan, and apparently neither is telling someone "you have no reason to feel that way" or "you shouldn't feel that way".

So, how do you guys handle those situations?

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Karma

OK, I seem to have a habit of trying to "convince" people that they are wrong when I believe they are, particularly when I think they are over-reacting or I don't understand why they are having certain feelings towards something. Telling someone who is over-reacting that they ARE over-reacting is never a good plan, and apparently neither is telling someone "you have no reason to feel that way" or "you shouldn't feel that way".

So, how do you guys handle those situations?

i tell them to suck my dildo.

[Mohegan]

From the wifely side of this. I hear " I don't respect what you have to say. Your feelings aren't valid, so I don't care that you are having them. I am the one true way, seek salvation through me."

It's more how you are saying things, not what you are saying. I can respect that you have a difference of opinion. But I feel like you don't give the same respect.

If it's a situation where health or life can be badly affected, then yes you need to stand up and tell me or whoever else we are wrong. But you need to back that up with why. " I understand you see it this way, but I feel if it goes on this way, or you choose that option something bad will happen. I think a better option may be to go about it this way. Can you see where I am coming from?"

When you immediatly come across with "You're over reacting, you're not thinking straight " I go on the defensive. And so do most people you talk with. You've set a stage for "I don't really care to hear why you feel that way, because you're an over reactive idiot"

A little respect and compassion go a long way.

One of things Cricket and I have in common, and one of the reasons your attacks bother us so much, is that when we are first upset, or first experiencing something, we need to vent. We probably aren't being rational. And at that point in time we don't care. We don't want to hear the many reasons we are wrong, we want you to listen.

I like what was said about asking if the person you are talking with wants to hear your opinion. "I hear what you're saying, would you like my take on things?" To me, in the few times you've done that, it puts me in a place where I can seperate my feelings and hear some logic. If I'm already full of emotion and now the one person I go to to vent all that out to is telling me he doesn't care, and I'm wrong, and over reacting, I'm not going to be all that receptive to what you have to say.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Karma

OK, I seem to have a habit of trying to "convince" people that they are wrong when I believe they are, particularly when I think they are over-reacting or I don't understand why they are having certain feelings towards something. Telling someone who is over-reacting that they ARE over-reacting is never a good plan, and apparently neither is telling someone "you have no reason to feel that way" or "you shouldn't feel that way".

So, how do you guys handle those situations?

Differently everytime. I wish it could be a cookie cutter answer, but it isn't.

[NeonKaos]

I'm not sure it would matter unless i needed the other person to do something for me. Then, as long as they do what I need or want, whether or not they think I'm wrong and how they convey that is pretty much irrelevant. You can argue about style till the cows come home, but at the end of the day if what needs to be done is done, it's all good.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by Karma

OK, I seem to have a habit of trying to "convince" people that they are wrong when I believe they are, particularly when I think they are over-reacting or I don't understand why they are having certain feelings towards something. Telling someone who is over-reacting that they ARE over-reacting is never a good plan, and apparently neither is telling someone "you have no reason to feel that way" or "you shouldn't feel that way".

So, how do you guys handle those situations?

If I am responding to something my husband said or did, a simple "I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention" will calm me down enough that I can be logical and I willing listen to his explaination of what he was really trying to say or his thoughts behind his actions. The thing to remember, is that "feelings" can't be dictated or controled. Our actions and how we handle the feelings is another story.

If I'm on a rant or such about someone or something else, that's a little tougher. In this case, if I'm immediately told I'm wrong, then nothing anyone else says will even be heard. However, if someone offers "This is how I see the situation", I'm usually more willing to listen, even if I still don't agree fully. However, my opinon may change after a few more hours to think about what was said.

[redpepper]

I think this is a really good topic of discussion on this forum because it is on line. Its hard to know someone's intent when they right and I definitely think that telling someone they are wrong or that you disagree can really get peoples backs up.

On line I think its important to respect people even more because we really don't know them. Its far more likely to open further discussion by respecting their point of view and then beginning to say what your opinion is I think. That can be really hard sometimes for me because I sometimes sit here and think that what they have said is complete and utter bullshit and am fuming that they would say such things... but I have found in my life and on here that there is no way I am going to facilitate them opening up to my opinion and possibly encourage them to change their mind if I say "you are wrong."

Of course I can debate and discuss until the cows come home sometimes and the person can still think they are right. I get that. I am the same sometimes... but I like to think that if I am able to put the bug in their ears and make them think, then I have done all I can do.

[SNeacail]

Well said RP. Things tend to come across alot harsher online.