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Old 01-22-2011, 12:58 AM
parcimonieux parcimonieux is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Default Advice: her mono boyfriend

TL;DR My wife and I are in a deep and intense relationship with a poly girl who is in a relationship with a mono guy. He mostly approves of my wife but does not approve of me. The three of us agree that this is very undesirable, maybe unsustainable. We have never met him, and he is coming over for dinner tomorrow. Don't know what to do.

I'm sure this isn't new territory for the forum, but I'm finding my stress level is going through the roof today, and I'm hoping maybe this will help.

Us (A & B): Previously mono couple, married for 8 years. We both have a long history of swinging but have been mono for most of our time together, though not for any particular reason. Almost on a whim, we opened up our relationship late last year and have found that is suits us amazingly well. My wife is truly bisexual (by which I mean she has had real relationships with both men and women, not just sex). We are neither jealous nor possessive and we trust each other completely.

Her (C): An incredible woman that we've both had a crush on for a long time. She is also truly bi and has been in long-term poly relationships as long as we have known her. Her marriage to a semi-poly guy broke up about 2 years ago and she was just dating around for a while until about 5 months ago when she started a mostly-mono relationship with:

Him (D): From all reports, an incredible guy with an incredible family and a lot in common with us. He was aware of her poly-ness when they got together, but they have lived mono except for some minor swinging/playing. AFAIK, he has never been in a poly relationship. We have never met him.

C suddenly burst into our lives after a fun and silly night with my wife and myself. There were boundaries due to D, and we respected them. It was instantly obvious that this was not just a fling; we became immediately attached. D is totally OK with C playing with my wife, but it eventually became clear that he is not OK with me (not particularly unusual, I think). This was certainly disappointing, but there is still plenty to do without breaking rules. Fast-forward a month and now the relationship between A/B/C has only grown more intense and more serious. Sex is secondary, we care deeply for C.

I have discussed it a lot with C, and we both agree that the current relationship with unnatural boundaries is not desirable, and possibly not sustainable.

We are finally going to meet D tomorrow when he comes to our house for dinner. I never expected to be so nervous, but I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I feel almost desperate to somehow gain his approval and I don't even know the guy. Will he decide he is OK with me/us? Will he want to participate? Will there be chemistry between he and my wife that might help? Of course, I know you can't answer these specific things but the questions are tearing at me.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? I want to make him feel comfortable, and understand that I am not a threat like I'm sure he thinks I am.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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