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  #31  
Old 09-01-2009, 08:12 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Default Can we unhijack this thread, please?

Dear friends and companions on the poly road:

Flakey is in serious distress and has asked for our help. May I please, with respect to all concerned parties, suggest that discussions not related to the OP be moved to another thread, or to PM's.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OneSoul View Post
I've spent 1.5-2 years on a spiritual path.. lots of meditation, guidance, and have a crazy strong intuition now.
At the risk of sounding flippant, I must point out that your "crazy strong intuition" confused the distressed husband with the bipolar woman who is

Quote:
Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
Unmedicated with pregnancy hormones raging through me and a needy child 24-7. I am on a tight leash....grrrrr
What does your crazy strong intuition hope to accomplish by continuing this exchange?

I would think that compassion, forgiveness, and love would better serve all concerned.

Last edited by Fidelia; 09-01-2009 at 08:17 PM.
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  #32  
Old 09-01-2009, 08:43 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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As for your wife's family, Flakey, I wouldn't necessarily be too terribly concerned. I have learned not to underestimate people's ability to overlook things that don't fit into their worldview. One example: I live next door to my straight-laced, conservative, religious mother and grandmother. My Hubby is an Edenist, which among other things means he tends to be nude at home unless it is too cold or there are children present. Mother didn't bat an eye when she found out. Grandma was amused and curious! And it didn't change our relationship at all, except that they ALWAYS call before they come over. Which of course is all to the good.

So unless your in-laws actually catch one of you coming out of the bedroom with a new partner, you can probably work out a solution to the "family" issue.
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  #33  
Old 09-01-2009, 08:49 PM
OneSoul OneSoul is offline
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Point made Fidelia.

The only reason I posted was when I read this thread I was shocked to find it match up word for word what I had been through with the ex & her patterns. Its as if he was describing ME & HER.

PS: I am not doing any straight off "bipolar" judgement on anyone. I dont know about mentally unstable women who killed her children etc. I used the word based on my assessment of the woman I was with & all the traits outlined here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Compassion & forgiveness does not mean that one repeat mistakes and let others fall into the same trap.

I forgave her 3 times for cheating on me & stayed with her. 4th time forgiveness after having broken up was done via compassion.. knowing that she is a victim of insecurity from her past. Compuslive lying for 7 years.. It burns you. For a long time I hated her guts.. But I've since realized its just baggage I have to carry... So forgiveness & compassion were in order.

"Before you enter the temple, You must forgive" - Jesus (...I think I read this in the Power of Now)

My goal was to help the gentleman by sharing a RELATED experience with a very SIMILAR girl. I dont see any point in arguing about the term "bipolar". I am no doctor..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder (I based my assessment on this).

Love love.

Last edited by OneSoul; 09-01-2009 at 09:11 PM.
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  #34  
Old 09-01-2009, 09:09 PM
OneSoul OneSoul is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
XYZ didn't say she is an exception. She said she is "as bipolar as you can get". You need to stop misquoting her and then responding to those misquoted items. I am sensing quite a bit of belligerence from the your most recent post.


XYZ - PM someone such as myself if you feel inclined to be "defensive" as suggested above. You don't need the aggravation right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
Ok. Let me try this again since you are obviously not getting it. One more time from the top.

I have bipolar disorder. I suffer from bipolar 1 with both manic and depressive symptoms. To the high I have actually hallucinated and lost time and to the low I have attempted suicide. I am in no way an "exception". I am as bipolar as a person can get and manage to live life outside hospital walls. I only manage to live life because I have done alot of work in becoming self aware of my symptoms, learned to ask for help, and sought out therapy and medication. And I manage healthy, reciprocal, loving relationship on various levels better than many "normal" people I know.

I am not upset at you discussing "bipolar people" nor do I feel "targeted". I am upset when someone labels an unstable person who has no formal diagnosis as bipolar and then lists many very negative traits to describe this person. It's no different than when a woman kills her children and the first thing people start saying is "she must be bipolar". As if all bipolars are just monsters lurking in human skin waiting for the next psycho mood swing. You have no idea the work I've had to do to get people to not see me that way. Unless you are a psychologist (which I'm halfway through studying to become BTW) please do not "read a book" and feel you can label people and have no one offended by it. I do not "take up the defense" of every bipolar person. There are actually several I know personally and dislike because they refuse to do anything about it. If she is diagnosed as bipolar, carry on. However, if she is not, just please drop the labeling. This is all I ask.

As far as how "compassionate" you are, you seem to mention this alot. If you have forgiven her for all her wrongdoing and cruelty to you, why is every post in every thread you write dripping with how horrible she was and how wonderful you are? You are certainly not showing any compassion to me, nor are you even quoting me correctly. Maybe you need to work on communication.

(Yes, that last paragraph was just being snippy. This is the first time anything on this forum has made me angry. )


YGirl - I am no psychologist or doctor. The collective traits of what I have observed & endured with the Ex are what I found under the Bipolar umbrella.

In the end Bipolar is just a word that implies X number of characteristics. Not everyone may or may not have the same charcaters.

I am not doing clinical diagnosis nor trying to put my argument over yours.. You can definitely know more about Bipolar than me.. But I know little..
That little is clear in terms of what I have identified.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Should I outline the specific examples of what all the lady from my life did in 7 years....? That would be hard. Way too many things to point out.

I chose the closest word that I could to capture that.

We live in a world of labels. They dont mean anything. They just imply generalizations.
About dropping the Bipolar label? .. Find me a better one that encompasses all the characters I've identified on this page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder and I will use it.

I apologize for my limited vocabulary as well as offending you as a side-effect.

On one hand there is XYZ who is seeking help for herself and aware of herself and treating herself. Which is a good thing.

On the other hand there was my Ex who no matter how much myself or anyone tried to help, she would just not want any. Did not want to grow out of it.

Was she medically diagnosed as bipolar? I dont know. In the country where this happened not many people go to shrinks.
I think she might have.. But its something her or her family would never bring up.

Given how naive & simple minded I was at the time.. It was stupid of me to love & trust like I did.

But whats funny is my spiritual journey has helped me come to terms with accepting who she was and why she was that way. I hope & pray that she grows out of it (whatever IT is.. BiPo or Manic Dep.. etc) someday like you are doing... helping yourself.

Would I go through the same again? NO.
Would I warn someone going through the same again? ... YES.

That is the point of this discussion... Not the term Bipolar and/ or what connotations it implies.

That is why I posted.
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  #35  
Old 09-01-2009, 10:00 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Default I'm sorry flakey

Fidelia, you are correct. I am now really angry, but that was NOT what this post was about and I will ignore the one offending me. Thank you for bringing me back to being a sensible adult.

Flakey, please forgive me for the hijack. You came for support and I went a whole other direction. Has any progress been made with your wife in the last few days? Have you been able to talk to her about anything? I did want to ask if you ever tried to address these issues when you weren't in the middle of having them? What I mean is, when she isn't on the offensive or defensive, have you said "honey, we need to talk" and let her know how her insecurity and baited questions make you feel? If the only discussion comes DURING a problematic episode, it is already colored and led by negative emotions and will probably inevitably end up a fight with both parties hurt.

Please don't be scared away by the off topic tangent. There are many great people on here than can offer advice, see both sides (usually someone will), and show true compassion for others.
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  #36  
Old 09-02-2009, 07:54 PM
flakey flakey is offline
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hey

no problem about the hijack, Im happy this thread served for other people to be able to express themselves...

As for my case.. poly discussion is off for the moment, I decided its not really the moment, we've been going through a lot, also moving to a new place and other changes in life. I felt for the moment it would be inapropriate and just selfish, so better wait a bit.

But I did have some good talks with her in general, about insecurities, about trying to enjoy each moment more, valuing each other, as well as about her dominance aspects, which she did express being sorry and promissed she will try to change.

Also our sex life last week picked up a little momentum again, which was a plus.

So overall as you can see it has gotten better in the relationship sense in general, but poly subject is still at hold. It keeps being in the back of my mind, and I am really curious how it would be to be able to be with someone else, share love with other people who would appreciate and all that. So now its on hold but I dont think its going away anymore

Of course as our human minds work, if Im honest, I can see there is some sexual energy behind, wanting to be with others, fantasizing and so on. But I really really think its not just this, that its not something that would be 'solved' with sex but that I deeply feel like sharing life with other beautiful souls out there.. In fact, its almost as if it feels like NOT being poly would be a waste for the world haha

Last edited by flakey; 09-02-2009 at 09:56 PM.
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  #37  
Old 09-02-2009, 10:30 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Glad to see things are looking up. It is probably best to keep the poly talk on hold until she works through other issues she apparently has. To begin the conversations now may only scare her or anger her back into her jealous, insecure ways. You know her best and you can judge when and if she will be ready better than any of us.

But in the end you may have to make a choice, if she is completely mono, her or living a poly life. I hope it doesn't come to that as I'm a fan of everyone getting their "happily ever after". But I suppose that's a choice that can be put off for now. Good luck.
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  #38  
Old 09-03-2009, 08:55 PM
OneSoul OneSoul is offline
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Good luck

Everything in life stems from ... Love of something (desire, want, need, craving etc) or Fear of something.. (fear, insecurity, anxiety etc)

The more you guys shift in the direction of Love being the motivator of things in your life v/s fears..
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  #39  
Old 09-03-2009, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneSoul View Post
Good luck

Everything in life stems from ... Love of something (desire, want, need, craving etc) or Fear of something.. (fear, insecurity, anxiety etc)
OneSoul,

While attraction and repulsion, desire and aversion, fear and longing, etc., obviously play a crucial role in how most of us experience love, I think it would be very sad to define love in terms of these polarities. I would not define love as simply a matter of one end of this attraction/repulsion dynamic.

Love can also be understood as appreciation. Appreciation is a kind of joy, and this joy needn't depend on the attraction/repulsion dynamic. The best and happiest kinds of loving experience transcend the attraction/repulsion dynamic and amount to an overflowing of appreciation for the other--or even for existence (being) itself. One can even be ecstatically moved by simply being, and moved to the heights of love by simply breathing.
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  #40  
Old 09-03-2009, 10:08 PM
OneSoul OneSoul is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
OneSoul,

While attraction and repulsion, desire and aversion, fear and longing, etc., obviously play a crucial role in how most of us experience love, I think it would be very sad to define love in terms of these polarities. I would not define love as simply a matter of one end of this attraction/repulsion dynamic.

Love can also be understood as appreciation. Appreciation is a kind of joy, and this joy needn't depend on the attraction/repulsion dynamic. The best and happiest kinds of loving experience transcend the attraction/repulsion dynamic and amount to an overflowing of appreciation for the other--or even for existence (being) itself. One can even be ecstatically moved by simply being, and moved to the heights of love by simply breathing.
Now, that my friend is TRUE LOVE. TRUE BLISS. TRUE GRATITUDE. TRUE GRACE. TRUE BEING. EACH MOMENT...

That love is barely understood or even ever felt by most.

Here I mentioned the love/fear dynamic / motivator thats most prevalent in the everyday life of most people and drives them to ... (relevant to this couple & insecurities if any)
... love going to work.. love my work...
... have to go to work for paycheck... fear of survival (at various levels)
.. guiding child.. love of child..
.. coercing child... fear of child going astray..

Very thin border line.. between the two... Only self awareness of whats driving is the beginning point

But whats funny is the TRANSCENDED LOVE (True Love) is what really brings more of the LOVE SHIFT as compared to the FEAR MOTIVATOR SHIFT.

Last edited by OneSoul; 09-03-2009 at 10:10 PM.
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