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Old 01-20-2011, 07:50 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Default Military folk

I've been noticing that there are an awful lot of poly-connected people in the military. Do you think it's because those in the military and those who are in relationship with them are "taught" to be more self sufficient rather than co-dependant? You kind of have to learn who you are and what you want when you're faced with being away from a loved one for long periods of time.
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Old 01-20-2011, 08:59 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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You may be exactly right, Derby.

Another factor that may contribute is the fact that emotional and physical needs don't get placed on hold when a service member is away, and polyamory is an ethically valid approach to addressing those needs in an honest and open way.

Polyamory beats infidelity any day.

Begin short hi-jack: I would like to take this opportunity to thank the members of the American military and our allies for their service. I know I live freely and joyful because rough men and women stand ready to do violence in defense of our liberty. Thanks are not enough, but that's what I have to offer. End of hijack.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:03 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidelia View Post

Begin short hi-jack: I would like to take this opportunity to thank the members of the American military and our allies for their service. I know I live freely and joyful because rough men and women stand ready to do violence in defense of our liberty. Thanks are not enough, but that's what I have to offer. End of hijack.
I'll just add my shout out to the members of the Canadian forces. It takes a special kind of person to put their life on the line for the beliefs of their country. I may complain about the instability that it brings to my life but I appreciate the sacrifice just the same.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:27 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I've been noticing that there are an awful lot of poly-connected people in the military. Do you think it's because those in the military and those who are in relationship with them are "taught" to be more self sufficient rather than co-dependant? You kind of have to learn who you are and what you want when you're faced with being away from a loved one for long periods of time.
Good points Derby,

I too have seen a lot of open style relationships among the military. I do agree that the self sufficiency mentality pretty much HAS to come with that life and must play a part. I also think it's a subculture where everyone is frequently facing the same hurdles, talk about how to leap them and come up with acceptable solutions.
I've seen many relationships we'd call just more 'open' and many FWB situations. Everyone understands why they are important and most caring people I think would prefer their loved one to not have to suffer loss of affection (including sex) in their absence. It's a loving gesture and really, only common sense.
So many of these truly did have poly potential before the term and lifestyle surfaced into the greater public. And if you think about it, it's sad, because if the choice had been known I think there could have been some wonderful poly families develop. As it is, there are some but they are forced to keep a low profile because of military rules regarding perceived 'misconduct'.

Interesting post !

GS
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:55 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Lots of military represented in the swinging world as well. That was my experience anyway. Military, law enforcement, teachers... no shortage.
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Old 01-21-2011, 12:14 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade View Post
Lots of military represented in the swinging world as well. That was my experience anyway. Military, law enforcement, teachers... no shortage.
Its thought to be one spot where it got its start.
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Old 01-21-2011, 12:28 AM
Jade Jade is offline
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Yep yep. So sayeth widipedia
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Old 06-15-2011, 11:42 PM
swingers swingers is offline
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Default ever had or heard of a deployment poly or swinger relationship?

just a thought. i know people talk about contract marrages in the miliitary so theat both parties get certain military benefits and maximize abliities without there being any love or sex involved, and the opposite of a service member cheating on their spouse with a "deployment wife" but has there been any genuin poly relationship or swinger arrangement that was set up before a deployment specifically for the deployment itself, or a continuing relationship that survived multipul partners while deployed? just a thought. dabbeled in this my self but it came too close to cheating for my cup of tea. anamocity and jellousy where there shouldnt be. any related stories to this?
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Old 06-15-2011, 11:49 PM
transitapparent transitapparent is offline
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I've always been faithful on all of my deployments. we were mono then so it wasn't an issue. this time around I 've got general order 1B hanging over my head so no deployment wife here.
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Old 06-16-2011, 12:27 AM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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I think poly really is a very valid approach to people who must by necessity spend long times apart.

Unfortunately I've seen WAY more cheating than poly in my 20 years of experience as a Navy wife. Some people have a DADT approach, some know it's happening, hate it, but ignore it. A lot of unhealthy nonmonogamy going on and it's unfortunate because there are other ways to go.

But I think that many people spend so much time away or prepping to go away, or trying to adjust to being back that it's hard to develop the relationship skills necessary to build a strong foundation like communication and skills in dealing with stress. I think often there's a real "boys club" when it comes to the military and deployments where they egg each other on to cheat on their spouses and then all agree to keep it shut. It's kind of the "what happens in vegas" theory, but on deployments.

I really don't mean to sound negative about it, but it has just been my limited brief experience. Hubs and I have talked about it a lot and I know a LOT of what he's seen because he tells me. Stress and alcohol and distance and dealing with people and god-forbid combat. Not a good combo.

As for playing it down, most people play it down in their work environments anyway, really. And the chances that the military here is going to prosecute cheating is SLIM to none. It's not really a valid threat around here...
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